So I have been suffering with depression and anixiety. This has been going on for nearly 2 years now, but only told my husband about 6 months ago. It started when I found out he had been seeing someone at work, he said nothing actually happened but that he did keep it from me , that he did have feeling for her and that it probably would have gone further if i hadn't have found out. I started having panic attacks and went to the doctor who put me on anti depressants and when I told him he said I should just get over it nothing happened and i was overreacting. So i stopped them, supressed my feelings for over a year and basically had a fall scale melt down. So now I dealing with this, going to counselling, taking anti depressant etc. I have learnt that I do have low self esteem and it stems from things that happen when I was growing up, I just never felt good enough or felt that I was just a joke to everyone in my family. I met my husband when I was 16 and we have now been together 17 years and have 2 children. So the event that happened 2 years ago was a trigger to my childhood. (so i'm told).
So he knows I have these issues, with self worth and low self esteem, and today I have seen on his facebook (he left it logged in on my laptop) that when he was out the other night, he was waving at girls on facebook, I know I sound crazy but these actions just reinforce my feelings that he doesnt love me, or is looking for someone else and he knows how hard i'm trying at the minute. I dont know weather to tell him because it will lead to a fight, or bottle it up and be sad and then snap at him and have a fight.
Sometimes I just hate being me so much, I have endometriosis so spend a lot of time in pain, and I have had the most horrendous week pain wise that I just am at the end of my patience right now. Am currently sitting at work trying my hardest not to cry and just wish that I could never leave my bed.
Any advice would be great.