Hi
I have never been formally diagnosed with depression or been put on medications for it. But I have been self medicating my whole life. I no longer do that and lately I have had feelings of hopelessness and suicidal thoughts which is something new. I do what ever I can to push them out of my head because at the moment I have no intention of acting on them but wonder if this is normal for depressed people and what should I do if they keep recurring. Thanks
Self medicating how?
Alcohol and such
Alcohol is a depressant. It has been a long time so it is hard to say if you are depressed or if it because of the alcohol or if it both. My advice is to see a professional to help get you off the alcohol... whatever that looks like. And also to look at the depression. I don't think there is much that is normal about people, especially when it comes to mental health. It is great that you are reaching out. 
That is the first and hardest step.
Thank you. : )
If you have suicidal thoughts you can call the Suicide Prevention Hotline 800-273-8255. They R compassionate and very supportive.
Hmm whenever you say "self medicating" what does that mean? I think maybe getting an appointment with a therapist might help. I know when I knew I had anxiety and finally decided myself that it was too unbearable and I needed help it was the best thing I ever did. I got diagnosed, put on medication, and went a step further to where I go to tele-therapy on video once a week. I highly recommend it because as much as I like to think my self medicating worked, it didn't. Maybe you can do something along those lines so those thoughts go away or at least decrease the harmful thoughts and heavy depression. I hope you find something/someone that could help further. I'm always a message away if needed 😊
Thank you : )
Well you are in the right place because most of us can emphasise with depression. Self medicating doesn't solve any problems but just masks them. Without your choice of medication these feelings will return.
The way to start to heal is either the self help route so look online for this. Or to seek medical help. Meds and/or therapy should be able to help. I presume you have stopped drinking?
Thank you : )
There are good suggestions on here, but I must congratulate you on stopping drinking and whatever. I stopped drinking when I was 53 and I was left with what my self medicating had been numbing for so many years. I looked for ways, as you are now doing, to cope with my problems without self medicating. Life will get better. Good luck on your journey. 🍀🌈
Thank you : )
Yes those symptoms come with depression pm if you have any more questions
That's totally normal. I'd think about working with a therapist/counselor to develop some techniques for dealing with those thoughts in a healthy way when they come. That's what I did; it takes forever to rebuild the pathways in your brain to no longer jump straight to suicidal ideation and self hatred but it's definitely worth it.
My therapist told me once that suicidal thoughts aren't there because you actually want to die. They're your brain's way of saying that something isn't right, it has no idea how to deal with it, and wanting to die is the only way it can gain a tiny amount of control. That definitely rings true for me.
Also, major props for quitting drinking or whatever you were doing. I know from experience that it's an incredibly hard thing to do. In my opinion, there's always some underlying reason for people's self medication, whether that's an undiagnosed mental disorder, past trauma, whatever. Once you lose your way to deal with those underlying issues then the bad feelings tend to come up more frequently and stronger than before.
Remember that the decision to take medication (prescribed) for your depression is completely up to you and your healthcare professional. It is no one else's business. It does not make you broken, wrong, or "less-than" in any way and you're allowed to take it for however short or long that you need.
I'm glad you posted on here. Asking for help is one of the hardest things I ever had to do and it takes a lot of courage. I take forever to reply but feel free to message me if you have any other questions.
Thank you for taking the time to write all this. I had to read it twice to soak it all in. I liked the part about the brain not knowing how to deal with the problem and trying to gain a tiny bit of control. Rings true for me too.
I agree, spot on! Also like the part about the brain it knowing how to deal. This is great advice IMO.
Go to your doctor and talk to him about it. Please please do that xoxo
Hi Eddie.
Firstly well done for realising that ur self medicating prescriptions weren't working & so U stopped hiding & running away from the real issues . BUT THIS IS THE PAST NOW !!!
Now to the positives , ur not hiding anymore , ur feeling very vulnerable & yes there are dark thoughts BUT Ur inner light shines bright enough to prevent U from acting on those dark thoughts.
Ur on the road to getting better as U have soughtò real help BUT I want U to realise that the meds help a little but the bulk of the work going forward is a very hard fight & it seems ur ready to fight that fight. I would like U to know that there will be good days & bad days & days where U feel its just setbacks but that is all part of Eddie's journey.
Now please please remember this ITS OK to have a dark though or emotion as they're part of U right now & each emotion deserves some time in the light to keep U balanced.
U must always be honest to urself if not anyone else as if U choose to lie to U , how can U help U be a better U ? Also U've opened up to us in a group & we all know exactly how that feels & we also extend a welcome to the correct place to lay almost everything in writing BUT if at anytime U feel ur going to do something to urself or others ..... STOP !!! & seek help from a PROFESSIONAL & please NEVER accept medical advice about medication from ANYONE in this group as we are all on the same journey as U but at different stages . THIS ADVICE IS VERY IMPORTANT as we don't know ur full medical history & the wrong thing can cause U irreparable harm & we don't want that .
Ur journey will go at a steady pace & honestly I can tell U my journey will be for the rest of my days as here I can scream & cry or shout & others know exactly what I'm feeling & thinking & they can help me & give me the support I need to keep moving forward.
Also please join in other convo's, so people get to know U & learn about U as well as teach U about them. Start with baby steps & feel free to ask me & no doubt others in this group any questions U have Eddie. So again grab ur metaphorical bottle of water , sun screen & hat & start ur journey.
I wish U light & positivity along the way .
Thank you so much for this response my friend. : )
How U doing Eddie ? Do u feel its going ur way or are u in that fear mode of taking that first step ....... Well my friend U already have done the hardest part which was to realise the problem , changing things then opening up ..... All of those steps are Humongous & in time U may want or need a therapist HOWEVER in the mean time talk on this forum to gain as much knowledge as U can to help U & we don't charge like therapists do .....
I hope ur in a mood of love , light & inner sunshine brother
Hello eddie, good awareness on your part that continuing to medicate and ignore your baggage is not a constructive solution. As others here have advised, you would definitely benefit from working with a good therapist to help you investigate and understand your past and the mental story you are telling yourself consciously and subconsciously. The therapist may also recommend medication which can help you and it may be temporary or longterm. I have a family history of depression on my fathers side and have found medication helpful. It definitely takes courage and commitment to go through the process of healing our shame and processing the repressed emotions of our past but lightening our load and becoming whole is definitely worth the effort.
Wow you sound like me... I just started seeing a therapist a couple of weeks ago... It's great to talk to someone and this is a really good site.. 😁There will be good days and good moments.. But we are here for you 💋
Thank you. Yes people on here are very supportive. It's uplifting to know so many people care.
Definitely 😍...
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