You're doing well, and you're stronger than you think! I know this time of year can be tough and can isolate many people but why not try and get out and go to a few free classes and meet some new people, it can be hard to do but it's worth a try and will keep you busy. Maybe even reach out to distant relatives if you have any, it might turn into something good? Just a couple of weeks and Christmas and New Years will be over, use this time to evaluate what goals you'd like to set for this time next year? Don't be too hard on yourself, and stay strong.
Maybe concentrate on yourself for a while? Figure out what YOU truly want rather than what he wants and why he doesn't want to let you back in? We can always easily get tangled in other peoples opinions and lives but in the end you should matter most to you and have time for yourself! Look at all the good things about you, don't let someone's opinion become you, even if you love them.
I am sorry you are going through a tough time. It is even more tough with the holidays rolling around. Volunteer at your local shelter, church, soup kitchen, hospital. There are so many charitable things you can do this time of year. I found that being selfless can really soothe any pain you may be feeling about your current situation and life. Write in a journal if you have not already. Hope this helps. Good Luck! You will get through this!
My wife of 24 years recently walked out the door and said she wanted a divorce during a very bad depression window and I was completely devastated so I understand what you are going thru. Time and friends are the only things that have helped me. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
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