A new member

[joplet85]

Hello, I am a 50 year old man in the wine business. I have been suffering from hypochondria and depression since my parents died 15 years ago. I also suffer from panic attacks from time to time and the anxiety is a daily occurence. It's been quite debilitating. I cannot remember the last time I was happy. Maybe this group can help!!

[Janieliza]

Hypochondria? Is this anxiety presenting itself as a physical symptom rather than you thinking you have a dictionary full of ailments. Either way it sounds like yes it's all part and parcel of the life we all know as depression and anxiety...and what a life it is!!. I'm fortunate that I came off meds and went back to work(it consumed my every waking thought btw) and it seems like a distant nightmare albeit having the odd wobble. This site is fantastic. And if I can help...i will. I lost my father 10 years ago, my mother was a narcissist and adored my sister. I was the invisible child...the scapegoat. Physically and emotionally abused which then led to ptsd. I then married the male equivalent of my mother who had affairs throughout the 24+ years we were together. I blamed myself of course as i wasn't particularly likeable and the sassy girl he one knew who flew thro university...disappeared and in its place, a woman who gained weight, lost my hair, wouldn't leave the house. I don't honestly blame him so i totally understand the daily thing. You will however not always be this way but the key is that YOU have to put the work in. This is hard as without motivation it's difficult to take a step never mind a giant leap. I'm here to tell you it's doable. I had no willpower, i was in a rut and couldn't do anything. I remember being sat looking at a bird in the garden for what seemed like hours and I was at the lowest I'd ever been. I didn't want to do it anymore and even my children weren't enough to shake me out of the dark dark place where I was. The phone rang and my daughter(who has special needs) wouldn't settle for her father and she was screaming for me so he was bringing her home. When I saw her put her arms out and she immediately calmed and altho still sobbing...was relaxing and holding onto me. That was what made me change direction and no matter how hard it was going to be...i would fight it. And fight I did. 10 years later...im here, telling you my story. It's paramount you take baby steps. If you don't write...start. it's great therapy and I found that I saw a pattern with my anxiety levels, trigger points almost. Finally pls let me reassure you that you are not alone here. Many of us on here(and I haven't yet seen any negativity only support for others) will have at one time(if not presently) experienced the same thing in one form or another. You did the right thing coming here. When I'm having a wobble....i pop in and usually by the time I've finished reading, or replying. Wobble has calmed abit. Take care and always check in with your doctor prior to doing anything. Janie.

[Simonn in reply to Janieliza]

I wishi could beat it janieliza. My worries seem to be about work money security and uncertainty of life ive read so much to put my mind at ease works a little then my anxiety kicks back. My wife and i have discussed moving so my mind is full of thoughts on that will we be too afford it etc. Just wish i could relax and not worry. I try to focus on my kids 17m and 3y and i do get a breif thought of clarity does anything mattrr except my loved ones hope I'm explaining my busy mind

[Janieliza in reply to Simonn]

Yes I totally hear you. The stresses of life sadly don't go away( unless of course you are on 25k a week!). I suffered the same when I had agoraphobia. I went to university, graduated and walked into my dream job...then WHAM! Like a smack in the face, I could feel the walls caving in. The home I brought my son home to and my daughter born at home was quickly falling thro my fingers. My ex husband couldn't cope with it..fortunately I never wanted to rely on anyone else financially and i had bought my dream home so if anything were to happen i could take care of the children without help. My late father....love him..helped when I finally admitted I needed it. Without him I wouldn't be still here. But I know all too well simonn the feeling of despair. Wouldn't it be wonderful for those moments of clarity to remain a tad longer? I can see you nodding almost and sadly even without anxiety the pressures of life are great for so many. I can only offer you the very best and hope...hope is such a small word but my goodness, can do all sorts of wonderful things. I hope this gets better for you. It's no good me mentioning the positives in your reply...they are there. You just truly have to see it. J

[Simonn in reply to Janieliza]

Thank you i remind myself how lucky i am it doesn't stop the worry or negative thoughts. Thanks for replying.

[Janieliza in reply to Simonn]

Yes it's a constant battle isn't it? I sounded flippant in my reply and for that I'm truly sorry. When things were going right for me.....i couldn't shake the pending doom and gloom and simonn I still have days where I sigh more than I should and I fret. Just because ive beaten anxiety doesn't mean that I don't have the odd days. This morning for instance....im feeling quite weird. I can't put my finger on it but I woke upset and abit low. Out came my pen and I wrote it all down. Maybe it's Christmas...maybe it's bcas it's my wedding anniversary, things aren't what they were and I can only assume it's that. As I've always said....it takes time and I wish I could put it right for you and everyone else. Once again I'm sorry if my above reply was nonsensical. J

[Simonn in reply to Janieliza]

No your reply was fine dont worry. Does writing your thoughts and worries help

[Janieliza in reply to Simonn]

I find it does simonn. Absolutely so infact. I also realised there was a pattern. Triggers even. At the time i didn't see it and some days i would simply scrawl AAARRGGGHHH!!!!!! all over a page...then write why I was aarrgghhhh ing. It's fantastic therapy and when you have a positive day...write it. Capitals if it's so good you want to shout it from the rooftops lol. Even looking back on previous days is helpful because you can put if you had a bad day at work or a bill came in which concerns you and why. It doesn't work for everyone but for me? Moved mountains.

[Rlich]

I too am in my 50’s & no stranger to anxiety.

It helps to post & know you are not alone. Today is very much a struggle for me but my hope is that the week will get easier. Here’s to both of us breaking from the anxiety cycle.

Peace

[horizonwatch]

Hi joplet - I can so relate to not knowing the last time I was happy. The thoughts that we have been programmed with often are what cause us our misery. A book that is so helpful with this is called "Feeling Good" by John Burns. What are the kind of thoughts that go through your mind daily? It also sounds like you may have never let yourself grieve or received grief support. Have you tried grief support groups? How about finding a good local church (a good one that walks to talk) that is truly supportive and has pastors to counsel you?

[Janieliza in reply to horizonwatch]

Isn't that an amazing book? I'm so pleased you mentioned it.

[horizonwatch in reply to Janieliza]

Yes, such an amazing book! I first read it years ago and the techniques still help me. I need to read it again to brush up!!