Hate having Aspergers....

[Aspergirl47]

Feeling really low just now and so scared about nearly everything ...My family only use me because they take me for naïve and vunerable...I never visit because they can never talk to me without asking me to do things for them and they know I'm suffering daily panic attacks, but still try to use me, they know I'm lonely with no friends I can talk too, so I would fear them abandoning me and id be left alone and they play on this instead of giving me support..I only have my son, but he also has Aspergers and I don't want to put all my worries onto him...really wish I hadn't been born...

[Sonny216]

Aspergirl, I feel for you and understand those things about the family using us. It's like they think they Know us, when they only know what they THINK about us. Seems they aren't interested in getting to know us..cause if they did, they would SEE how beautiful of a person we are.

It's very sad I know. I TOO have no friends. Just my dog. I'm am much older than you (at least I feel I am)

I often, (more in the past few months) wish I wasn't born..because I've experienced this same heartache over and over, just different people and different times throughout my life..but it's the same story..and it really solidified that something was wrong..that is how I found my way here in the past month.

You ARE beautiful ..no matter what anyone else says or believes.

I'd like to be your friend.

[Aspergirl47 in reply to Sonny216]

Thank u Sonny216 Appreciate your kind reply Would like to be friends too Sometimes I think we are better off with our pets, they comfort us..Sounds like u have had similar experiences to me...when youre kind to people they seem to see that as weakness don't they? instead of appreciating them...My family have just used me for years which makes me feel depressed and then they tell me they never visit me because I'm always feeling depressed !!!! but they ignore the fact I have been abused by them since childhood...they are totally dysfunctional...im sorry u feel u have no friends either, u sound a good person to me Chat anytime...Hugs xx

[hypercat54]

Hi this must be very hard for you to deal with and I am sorry. Many people with Aspergers have successful relationships and good careers so is there any reason you can't too?

Are you getting any medical help or having any counselling? if not then it might be a good idea to get some.

Talking about not being born I know that feeling very well. I was walking down the road the other day and found myself saying to God that if anyone is to die just doing what I was then could it please be me. No thunderbolts came down or anything. Shame. x

[Aspergirl47 in reply to hypercat54]

Thank u hypercat54.....I was only diagnosed 2yrs ago in my 40s....I have been on disability for years due to Mental Health problems before diagnosis.....social problems so severe I couldn't go to college to study or maintain friendships...I was sent to a Psychiatrist who knew nothing at all about Autism...eventually discharged me saying he didn't know how to help someone who was Autistic....I had wasted 6 months going to see him and suffering panic attacks trying to get to the appointments...I also have a son with Aspergers who I worry about constantly....I get frightened by the thoughts I have sometimes...thinking we both would be better off leaving this world together...I know that sounds awful...I'm sorry u are also having bad thoughts too...Would be lovely if we could find peace in our lives... xx

[km147]

Hi,

Anyone who does not appreciate your presence is not worth thinking about or keeping in your life. If it is a family member, it is much harder because you can't drop family. I also have some family members with whom I do not trust. Who lie and talk badly of me. So i understand that it hurts the most when it comes to family. Don't let your condition affect how you see yourself. Don't let it bring you down.

[Aspergirl47]

Thanks km147...Yes I have 2 older brothers, both parents have passed away now so I have always only had my brothers, but both have abused and bullied me since childhood...and I think due to me having Autism I have felt so socially isolated all my life that I have thought, they are my only source of contact and ive actually suffered panic attacks if I feel they are abandoning me..I know that's crazy and I don't understand why I would even bother after the things they have done...I now suffer with Ptsd due to them ...but the isolation feels almost worse...Sorry to hear u also have had problems with family...it is no fun..xx