Staying Sober

[AllisonO]

Sometimes, staying sober is hard. Suffering form anxiety, with a prior history of abusing benzodiazepines and opiates can be difficult when you are in need of a quick fix. Not that other medications don't work, but for me it seems they don't work all the time. Knowing that in a small little pill, there is a fix to these feelings, and for only a small price; what is the harm in just once?

And that is the thought constantly running through my brain. Of course there is harm in just once, because then it will be twice the ten times then...well you know. Hurt family, loss of relationships, no money, loss of job, mess of destruction in my path, etc.

However sometimes, even knowing this, those little pills call to me and make more sense in my mind than anything else. With all the other feelings going on, and nothing making sense, the only thing I know for sure is those pills make me feel better and I'm not allowed to have them.

[EduardoHors3]

Yes it's hard. I too am detoxing my body from drugs and I've come very far. The ego will try to dictate your body and soul. The ego doesn't like change. It hates being threatened and uncomfortable. I think we have to accept it will always be there, but we have to be the ones to take control. For me personally it's a now or never thing. The beauty of it is that you learn discipline and you see changes for better. Remember that a relapse is not a reset it's just a setback and it's not a reason to go backwards. Don't quit now and wonder later how far you couldve gone. Replace that high feel for something better that you actually have to work for. Don't take the easy way out. You're alive.

[Sonny216 in reply to EduardoHors3]

I like this Eduarso

""Remember that a relapse is not a reset it's just a setback and it's not a reason to go backwards. Don't quit now and wonder later how far you couldve gone.""

..it can be used for many different Battles !

[AllisonO in reply to EduardoHors3]

Thank you very much Eduardo for your kind words of encouragement. You are absolutely correct, relapse is not a reset it is just a setback and sometimes it is tough to remember that. I appreciate your response <3

[Sprinkle1]

I am sorry for your pain, have you talked to your Dr. or therapist to find something you can take or do to ease your suffering. I get tempted to drink, but when I do I pay the price, and it is not worth it. I have Loraz. but am good at controlling my use of them. Can you go out for a walk, do some exercise to get the endorfines (spelling) working, they are natural opiates. I can'nt think of anything else, perhaps someone else has ideas. Do not give up on yourself, the past is the past, believe in yourself and do something nice each day for yourself. Find a support group if you can. I send you strength and love. Sprinkle 1 xxx

[AllisonO in reply to Sprinkle1]

Thank you very much, I am trying my best! Actually went for a walk earlier today...and it did help. Sending you strength, love, and appreciation as well <3

[Hidden]

You should definitely do something to keep yourself busy, and surround yourself with positive people. It's gonna be okay. I've had to do it before with hard drugs, and I know how much you want that fix. But it's not a fix. It's the opposite of that. My ex used to always tell me that relapse is a part of recovery, but you can't let that be an excuse to keep going back like she did. She's been dead for a few months now, but I'm still alive because I stayed clean. Relapse may be a part of recovery, but it doesn't necessarily have to be if you can help it. And I know you can, if you are already considering the harms it would cause you to succumb and get that fix. You know your life is worth living more than just chasing that fix. You already know the harm that comes from having it just once. You know it's never the last one. I know I've had a lot of last hits. You know you want to live beyond that life. You've already taken the first steps in letting that dependence go. You're already on a good path. I guess we all just need a little support, and a reminder of hope. So I think while you transition back to living your life by your terms and not by any dependence, you should consider the end goal you'll have in saying no, time after time, to wanting that fix. I think you should think about how proud of yourself you'll feel for having healed yourself, for taking the steps to living life independently. For all the help I or anyone else can offer, it will have been you in the end that did the most for yourself. Stay strong. Life is worth living to the fullest. Even though I'm struggling now with my issues, I know I'll keep on keeping on, because life goes on either way. I guess we're all on this forum because we're all the type of people that require more strength and wisdom than others who don't deal with what we do. It seems like a good place to keep writing. Hopefully you will keep writing too. Best wishes.

[AllisonO in reply to Hidden]

Wow that was very inspirational, I am SO sorry for the loss of your girlfriend. FAR too many lives have been lost at the hands of addiction, and it is a huge problem that just seems to continue growing. I really appreciated hearing what you had to say, you are correct and really gave me that extra push to keep going and stay strong for the rest of the day.

I hope that you have a fantastic friday night, sending both you and your girlfriend my love, near and far <3 Best wishes to you, too.

[Hidden in reply to AllisonO]

Thank you for listening. I'm glad my story helped a bit. It's helped me learn a lot too. I hope your day went smoothly after everyone's replies. This place usually helps me. Much love.

[AllisonO in reply to Hidden]

Anytime you need someone to listen, feel free to give me a shout. All of the replies and attending an AA meeting really helped to ease my anxieties. Thank you again <3

[Mommabear08]

I myself am a recovering addict I just got 10 yrs clean and believe me it was hard for 14 yrs I was a " garbage can" everyone is different I was scared to be put on my anxiety meds but I've had no problems with misuse or abuse some essential oil work too

[Catlady92]

I understand that little pill means more than anything. At least I has fun times with my depression and withdrawals but now im sober (mostly) and need then to not want to off myself but I took 120 peaches once and then twice. Now my mom doses me every day. I told her hide them bc one, two 20... never enough