Anxiety and Depression Support
18,453 members15,096 posts

to decorate or not to decorate

I have been battling within myself on whether or not to decorate the inside of my house for Christmas. I have been feeling so fragile as of late thinking about my parents that I have lost, mom in 2008 and dad in 2010. I am not sure how it will effect me emotionally if I were to put them up. 90% of my decorations were made by my mother, she loved crafts and loved Christmas. I had taken to Facebook with the same dilima and the response was yes that it will be good for me and help me relive fond memories.

I am curious on the thoughts of those who are in a similar situation to me and what you all think I should do.

13 Replies
oldestnewest

I am sorry you are in a fragile state. Never any fun!!!

What have you done for the past 10 years? Did you skip decorating then?

Reply

The first couple of years after mom passed I decorated for Dad, not sure if he like it or not, the winter after my dad passed the house was in the midst of remodeling so for several months i lived in my bedroom and kitchen. After that I think i decorated maybe once. I lost interest in it for a while thinking that I was always the only one at home and I would usually go away on Christmas day to spend with a close friend. The last few years is when I started feeling more fragile, every year I we would lose a brother or sister of my dad, he was one of 22 and now there is only 3 left. As I lost these family members, coupled with the loss of my parents and my brother back in 96 it started my mind thinking about my own death and that is where the depression and anxiety would start. Now every time I think about my parents or brother my mind quickly shifts to my own death and that just freaks me out beyond belief, along with the age of 50 just around the corner. This group has helped tremendoulsy

Reply

I lost my mom on new year's eve in 2006. since then I felt very low around Christmas & new year & stopped decorating in Christmas or go to church on new year's eve. However, I put the tree & some decorations this year & in fact they cheered me up. May be get new decorations so you can move on. Good luck

3 likes
Reply

Thank you, I have decided to go ahead and put some up might be tough at first bit I think it will be good for me in the long run.

3 likes
Reply

Good. This is something for yourself , good memories and not because someone else expects it.

Reply

This is hard, isn't it, but just do it. Not all of the house...maybe just one room like I do. It's been nearly a decade since your parents' deaths. Have you not decorated your house all those years? Will think it may be time to do it. Maybe do it differently, but do it. Please do this for yourself.....don't have to put up all the decorations; just enough that putting them away after the holiday season will not be a chore. Unless you're traveling, please just do it. I lost my Mom in 2000 and my Dad 5 years later. One year I didn't; chose to travel somewhere rather than stay at home for Christmas. After that year, I did, even if it's just one room. It's a very good feeling when I walk into that room throughout the holiday season and turn on the lights on the small Christmas tree. Makes a big difference for me. And you have a very cheerful place to maybe invite a few people over for dessert and coffee. Please have a happy holiday room just for you. You deserve it.

1 like
Reply

Hi romiza5715, My mother died December 18, 2010. The last thing I had bought her that year was a little live Christmas tree decorated with lights for her hospital room. From the time I was a kid into my grown up years, she was the one who kept that spirit of Christmas alive in me. I have all the things she made for me on the tree and displayed throughout the house. She loved music and so every year since she passed, I sit down at the piano and play the Christmas songs she played every year while we all sang in harmony.

There are a lot of things I can't replace, but I try keeping the tradition alive. By doing this, it is a celebration of her life as well as who I've have become because of my mom. xx

1 like
Reply

Wish I could hear you play. We downsized and I donated the baby grand piano to a middle school. Miss it. But it's in a very great place I asked for a school that really needed a piano, not one that wanted a baby grand. She is now playing in a school that had no piano and both the choral instructor and orchestra use her.

But our one front "parlor" room has been decorated for the holidays since before Halloween. We put up a few decorations for all the seasons and holidays between October until New Year's Day. As the holiday passes, those decorations are put away. The neighborhood children and husband have enjoyed coming in and just being in that small room and playing with some of the toys. Need to put up the outside holiday wreathes now. :)

2 likes
Reply

I have a Kimball upright baby grand (have you ever heard of that?) It's beautiful in looks and sound. One of my prize possessions :)

My house is child friendly like yours. Having been a foster mom, it was always a warm invite for children, DCFS approved :)

The decorations around the house and outside (I have lights on the bushes) is really only a reminder to celebrate the season. What I carry in my heart is what gives me the warmth and love I feel at this special time of year. xxx

2 likes
Reply

I do believe you must be a very good woman Agora1.

2 likes
Reply

I try HearYou.... we all are good people and that's why we hurt

so emotionally. xx

Reply

Hi Romiza5715. I am struggling wanting to celebrate this year too. We lost grandpa (my husband's) this October, at the holiday parties he dressed as Santa. My sister has moved out of state, who loves Christmas, first year my family will be separated for the holidays. As hard as it will be, we plan on celebrating & decorating. My in laws are planning on doing a family holiday party, it has been a couple years.... As a way to honor grandpa. We'll be there... our love ones would want us to be happy & celebrate. I know its hard, do a room if you are afraid if your emotions nights get too much. You can to something to give back, making others holidays better will make you feel good too. I get some toys for Toys for Tots, donate some items to our local zoo (they always need things to enrich the animal lives) & do some mind of volunteering with my husband's work. I look forward to doing these things... many of us here probably struggle at this time of year, you aren't alone. Please put up some of those beautiful decorations your mom made.... hugs 💛

2 likes
Reply

I know the pain. I lost my dad last December. My mom is terminal. The day we buried my Dad all pictures disappeared along with a backyard of serenity. However pictures remain in my home along with anything he gave to me. Think of the wonderful memories of your mother when you put each ornament on the tree. I'm not saying it won't bring hurt but the pleasantries will out way them. Celebrate their lives, who knows it may bring you happeniness. Best wishes

Reply

You may also like...