Hopeless

[SimplyMe87]

I just feel like my life is so horrible and I messed it up, big time. It seems like everything horrible that can happen to me is happening. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like such a failure.

[brownkvnb]

I feel the same way right now. I don't want to see my family tomorrow.☹️

[SimplyMe87 in reply to brownkvnb]

Me either

[Clarebear86]

I’m sure if you can find it in yourself to take a step back from what you are feeling you will be able to see that you are not a failure and it isn’t all that bad. But completely know where you are coming from on the worst of days everything can seem like it is against you, & it almost seems deliberate in some ways.

[Hidden]

I always always feel that way too some days more than others. I think its because I was abandoned from both my parents and had to raise my little sister and myself at a very young age. I always felt never good enough for anyone or at anything always feeling like a failure. And those feelings have grown with me and have lingered with me since childhood. Even though ive raised my sons alone and tried my best to give then want they need not so much what they want, I gave them lots of love and was overprotected and that they are almost grown men they say they hate me and make me feel like a failure so does my dead beat father. Till this day he says I'll never amount to nothing and by 40 I'll prob be living under a bridge, he cuts me down so bad that I had to just stay out of his life and that's after he never raised us and abandoned us kids literally sent us girls to live by ourselves in one if his rental homes at 10 and 14. God knows how badly I wanted to have a normal loving daughter father relationship with him but he causes me to go into deep depression and anxiety. Sorry to vent like this out of nowhere to you buy I'm just explaining how I can relate but that's what I think sparked all this life long struggles. I don't know what makes you feel like this but I do hope your okay. It breaks my heart to read and see how another person can feellike this, as I do. I don't wish these feelings on anyone else. But you are here for a reason, we all are. I tell myself that all the time. God makes no mistakes. But we all do. I make so many and still do and always feel like a failure at everything I do. At almost 34 I feel like you do and feel lost at times and hopeless but I pray to God and he is the only one who comforts me and gives me the hope and faith that i need.Also my only sister her husband and babies and my sons do too so I thank God for them. I know your a mother and I'm sure a good one, so your not a failure and are here for a reason. I do hope these feelings lift soon, and you start to feel better and see you are not a failure and good things can and will happen to you. Hang in there, I'm praying for you, and everyone one here who struggles like me. Blessings to you and your family, Happy holidays take care. 😇💕☺ I'm here if you ever need to talk.

[SimplyMe87 in reply to Hidden]

I don’t mind u venting to me at all. It feels good to know that someone understands, but at the same time, I wish you didn’t have to feel the way I’m feeling. I’m sorry that all that has happened to you. I’m crying so hard for you right now. I couldn’t imagine having to take care of another person at a young age. I’m the only child (kinda)..I have an older sister on my dads side, but her mother took her away when I was only about 8 and she was 11. I can’t find her. On my mothers side, I am the only child. Sometimes I wish I did have a sibling, just to lean on during hard times. I hope you are in good spirits today and have a wonderful thanksgiving tomorrow.

[Hidden in reply to SimplyMe87]

Awwe thank you sweetness, don't cry but I know how you feel, your posts brought tears to my eyes too esp you're other posts on the struggles you are going through right now. But we are stronger than we think and we will prevail. Wishing you and your babies many blessing and lots of happiness. Happy Holidays too hun. Pls keep in touch ☺💜😇

[Hopeful-Tinkerbell in reply to Hidden]

Southtexas84 I had to comment on your post. My father abandoned me to. I grew up wondering what I did wrong. I’ve learned that it wasn’t my sister and I it was him! He was the one with the problems. Not us. Same with you! The negative toxic people in your life have problems. It’s not you. You are not the failure. I had a loving mother. I can’t imagine what being the soul caregiver of your sister at only 14 must have been like so I won’t lead you to believe I do! You raised your sister and yourself and two sons alone as well. Kids go through stages. Try to consistently show love and caring. I strongly feel they will come around. I know my boys are changing all the time. You sound like a person who has possibly made mistakes. I would like you to show me one person who hasn’t. I guarantee you that would be impossible. Our mistakes and sins can be forgiven we just need to forgive ourselves. That’s the hard part. It sounds to me like you did the best you could with what you had and it’s imposiible to do any more than that. There are millions of fish in the sea! I believe there is someone for everyone. You just may need to weed through some before you find that one! We all deserve to be loved and you will be! I think first you do need to learn to love yourself. Easier said than done. We are our own worst critic! Your father obviously had some serious issues. The word evil comes to mind! I’m so sorry that happened to you! You obviously don’t need him! It sounds like you are a truly remarkable strong woman who has been dealt a really bad hand from some truly messed up individuals! You are not alone now! Much love and God bless!

[Hidden in reply to Hopeful-Tinkerbell]

You really are an Angel on Earth Shawny89, you made me smile and cry with tears of hope and joy. I was feeling so lonely inside right now and lost and having those dreaded worthless failure feelings coming on again. But thanks to your mind words of understanding and compassion, you just turned those feelings off. Thank you Thank you Thank you so much. You are so wise beyond your years, I appreciate you commenting, I pray there are more ppl out there like you. I thank God everyday for this site and for ppl like you who reach to us and give a helping hand when needed. And yes you are right about alot of things, my father is evil and I pray God will change his soul and heart, so one day we still can have a loving relationship. But for now God also knoe I tried and can not take no more from him, and yes I've been so hurt to my core from lots of toxic ppl through my life, esp now while trying to find love/ life partner. It's almost like every man in my life starting from my Dad to my kids father to my boys and all the evil men Ive recently dated have hurt me, abused me and used me. I do need to love myself I'm always trying it's a struggle. We have lots to talk about, pls keep in touch. Thanks again for commenting and helping me think positive. You made my Day ☺ Happy Thanksgiving and many blessings to you and family. Take care 💜😇💕☺

[Hopeful-Tinkerbell in reply to Hidden]

You made my Day way more than I could have made mine. I think we all feel good and at our best when we feel justified! I’ve got some years hun! I have a 7 year old grandson. I’ve also been through so very much in my life! I have a very long story. An accident at 16 that started many of my problems. Physical and mental. I have since accepted that but it doesn’t take away the anxiety, depression, OCD, personality disorder, ptsd and who knows what else. Through all my problems though I have also learned a lot! I like to say those who can’t, teach. I can’t cope but it makes me so much more empathetic to others and I want to help everyone. I am on here everyday! To the point of obsession. OCD is real. I told myself I need to not get on tomorrow so I can try to be focused and present for my family but we’ll see. With my difficulties I easily get on people’s nerves my own included so I may need something to keep me calm and out of people’s hair. If I make it at all. I’ve developed a horrible pattern of cancelling everything that is not mandatory. I won’t be missed I’m sure. They will probably feel better if I’m not there. I put out anxious energy into the world and energy is contagious. That’s why I love this online support group. Everyone is like me in some way. Also they can’t feel my energy as much. I hope you have a very blessed holiday. I’m here if needed. I would much rather focus on someone else’s problems than my own because mine are just overwhelming. I can’t deal. So I’d rather think about something else. That’s why I enjoy reading so much. It takes me away when I am able to concentrate enough to read. It’s not nearly as often as I would like. I’ve given up most things I enjoy out of physical or mental necessity. I have no friends, an alcoholic husband and no life. My dogs are my comfort. At night when everyone is asleep and the dogs are asleep in my lap I feed off that positive calming energy. I’m sleepy now because I had to take my dog to the vet. It is 2:23am here in Virginia. I’m hoping to sleep soon. Message me anytime. I’m here! Much love and God bless!

[Hopeful-Tinkerbell in reply to Hopeful-Tinkerbell]

I meant you made my Day way more than I could have made yours! See I can’t focus! Very few people in my life are kind to me though. So thank you so much!

[deea21]

Big hug. I know the feeling . The last few months its all I feel and live .

[SimplyMe87 in reply to deea21]

Big hug back. I just hope it gets better for us, both.

[Hopeful-Tinkerbell]

For one you are not a failure! You have 2 beautiful children. You got them and yourself out of a very dangerous situation! I believe we have all felt that way at one point or another. Just try not to lose your faith. I promise you that with hard work and dedication things will get better! With God all things are possible! Philippians 4;13

[SimplyMe87 in reply to Hopeful-Tinkerbell]

Very true. We were most definitely in a horrible situation that could have been much worse if we didn’t leave. Thank God I had my children as strength to just get up and go. Also considering that my daughter was only a month old and we had to travel 8 hours to get back to my hometown. I should give myself props. Idk y I talk down on myself so much 😔

[ciley]

i know that feeling i've had 2 live 4 years with it....ciley and its true things go wrong etc everyday karma???

[SimplyMe87 in reply to ciley]

I believe it may be Karma. Everything that I’ve done wrong in my past is catching up to me. All i can do now is change my ways and make things right. I’m working on it.

Happy Thanksgiving 🦃

[Sonny216]

I could have written this post.

We're not failures. We are MORE than conquerors Thru HIM that loved us!

[SimplyMe87 in reply to Sonny216]

Yesss!! Thank you. I needed to hear this!💪🏽🙏🏽

[Radkus]

I know how you're feeling. My depression rendered me hopeless and recently panic attacks kicked in. That made me feel extremely tired and extremely down. The main reason behind my depression was the fact that my grandpa passed away (he was my mentor) and shortly after that I broke up with my fiancee who was my world for a long time. I was a total wreck for 6 months. Couldn't get out of my house, dropped out of university, lost my job, my parents kicked me out and I felt like I couldn't find a will to live.

However, I'm still young (24 years old) and I feel like I can do so many things with my life that lifts up my mood. Started to study again, got a decent job, started therapy (no medication because I want to fight it), started working out, talking with my old friends and found out that I'm actually not hated by people... I'm being loved in a different way.

Like my therapist said, once you hit the bottom of the pit the only way is up and if you find a rope that can get you out, grab it with your teeth and pull yourself up. In my case, whenever I feel down I start thinking that "this is not the way my grandpa would want to see me" and drag my ass to do the stuff I wanted to do.

Recently I met a girl at work who is incredibly shy and cute and we started talking a lot of things, she's also suffering of anxiety and I have a big crush on her. I'm going to ask her out in the next days and I'm hopeful that things will turn out just fine.

Sorry if I vented a lot, because I tend to do that, but all I wanted to say is that you shouldn't give up. Try to find your purpose and don't fear failure. I'd rather fail a million times instead of living with the regret that I didn't try.

I wish you all the best and don't worry, things will get better.

[SimplyMe87 in reply to Radkus]

Thank you so much! I don’t mind you venting. I enjoy listening. ☺️

Good luck with your crush. I’m sure it’ll go great. You sound like a great person. I’m sure she’ll love for you to ask her out.

I’ve always thought that way too...”I’d rather fail, than regret not doing what I want..” up until recently. I guess when everything started crashing down with my family and my life, I started getting scared..especially when I already risked so much and it all went wrong.

I am also doing all of this without meds, because of how much they changed me into a person I didn’t know, when I took them. I like being myself, better.

[Radkus in reply to SimplyMe87]

Thank you so much for your kind words. The most charming thing about her is that even though she's struggling a lot with her anxiety, she's extremely calm when she's talking with me. We both share a passion in psychology and writing and that's a big plus. Human mind is a wonderful place and putting your thoughts on a paper and just leave them there is quite relaxing.

Even though you're wandering into some strange lands and your past was dark, this doesn't mean that the future will be also dark. You're already doing so much and you're not trying to be a great mother, you are already a great mother that wants to make the future for your kids a lot brighter.

I know that this comes with a lot of work and struggle but all the great things in the world are made this way. Use this as a fuel to get out of this condition. Even if you fail, get up and start over. After all, it's our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

My grandpa used to say that everytime you're staring at a mirror in the morning you see yourself and nothing else. I always thought that this was some nonsense he came up with but I had a realization in a morning during my heavy depression stage. I saw myself in the mirror and I saw that I was just a shade of that happy person with a lot of dreams and full of ambition that I used to be. I kept telling to myself that this is not ok and I need to fight my way back. All the dreams I gave up, all the people I used to ignore just because of my irrational fear of rejection crawled back into my mind and I just knew that this was the start of a fight that will bring me peace.

In the past few days I noticed that my face is a lot brighter, no bags under my eyes and I feel a lot happier than before so I know I'm on my way to recovery.

Keep fighting and if you wish to talk, message me anytime.

[SimplyMe87 in reply to Radkus]

Awww you’re welcome and thank you for the advice and your grandfathers words of wisdom. What a wise man he was. You’re very lucky to have had a great person like him in your life. I, too, look in the mirror and no longer see that sad, hurt, defeated girl...so I can finally say I’m on my way to recovery, also. Let’s both keep pushing!💪🏽 & don’t hesitate to talk to me if u ever need to talk. Let me know how it goes when you ask your crush on a date, if u don’t mind ☺️☺️I’m excited for you!!

[ciley in reply to Radkus]

interesting...ciley