lost

[cigandawaffle]

im feeling lost. i feel like im going to break down at any moment. i've been dealing with my mother's death in the most unhealthy ways; ignoring it, pretending it didnt happen, drinking, smoking, whatever i can do to forget it.

but it comes back every single day and i feel horrible. either angry at the world or sad and unable to do anything.

i just looked up counselling services near me, but theyre all hundreds of dollars an hour , or a three month wait list for the more affordable options. i need help now and i dont know what to do . i'm not at the point of being suicidal, but i feel like that's where i need to be in order to actually get help

[pinkmermaid13]

Hello, I am sorry to hear about your mother passing away. I just lost my grandmother and she gave me her house which I am living in and it is very hard to stay happy. I feel guilty to be alive in my grandmother's home, but that is my mind playing tricks on me. My grandma is happy I have the house and I know my grandma is happier in heaven with my grandpa. I remind myself of this when I feel really down. I have been seeing butterflies a lot lately and I think they are my grandma telling me hi. The butterflies fly around my face it is as if they are trying to catch my attention.

Do any same things like butterflies remind you of your mom? If so look out for them.

Also maybe wearing her clothes will help you feel closer to her or make you feel like you are honoring her or just showing her off. I wear a lot of my grandma's clothes and it makes me happy.

Just remember your mother would be sad if she seen you so down so try to be happy for her. talk to the trees and stars. I hope you feel better.

[gogogirl]

Sorry- I have been through it. Is there a grief support group near you? Also, how about other family/friends? There is a warm line called NYC Well or there may be others like ones at NAMI. So sorry for your loss. WIsh they could last hundreds of years.