Lost !

[1973m]

Not posted in a while , but needed a place to air my feelings and I trust the people who use this site .. some know my story, some don’t .. suffered with anxiety for probably 20 odd years but wasn’t diagnosed until I had postnatal depression 16 years ago!

Anyway.. I called time on my 23 year old marriage several months ago .. couldn’t stand the way I was treated... a switch just flipped... may BH when he drunkenly stood over our daughter and did what he’d done to me for years .. poked at her head .. said she was stupid! He then went awol for several hours ..I then found out he was in massive debt ! ... fast forward 7 months and we’ve sold the family home 😢 Which tears me apart.. I’ve got a rental .. working two jobs to support myself and my two teens .. when they come and stay !! Here lies the problem.. they have completely forgotten and forgiven him ..and he has managed to buy a house and they’ve all moved in today.. I feel like I’ve lost my whole life , family, home , animals because I decided I didn’t want to live on egg shells anymore..I miss my family and home so much it hurts and consequently my mood is low and my anxiety high ...I cry lots when I shut my door .. I’ve lost ... he won ..

any advice would be so welcome on how I cope .. thank you for reading.. Marie

[LilyAnnepuppy]

Sorry you're going through all of this. You're not alone. We're all here for you. I know it's hard to do, but don't lose hope. Keep posting and let us know how you're feeling

[1973m in reply to LilyAnnepuppy]

Thank you .. I needed positive thoughts

[Agora1]

Hi 1973m, in my eyes you didn't lose. It takes a brave woman to stand up for

herself. I respect the fact that enough was enough. Too many women stay in

a hopeless marriage because they don't know anything else. To them, abuse

may become the expected but is that the way to live?

He didn't win. A leopard doesn't change his spots. How long before the honeymoon

phase of him having bought a house and the teens thinking "it's all that" changes.

You are missing what could have been and not what was. Remember that..You did

what you had to.

I agree that you have some challenges right now but I also believe you've given yourself

and your teens a chance to grow up knowing right from wrong. We must love ourselves

and respect ourselves. No one deserves to be disrespected by a partner.

We're here for you 1973, you needn't walk this journey alone. Stay Positive xx

[Sillysausage234 in reply to Agora1]

🌷

[1973m in reply to Agora1]

Thanks you agora . I still have no idea what propelled me to get out .. I’d had moments over the year , dreams if you like I’d get out and have my own little home but I always thought the kids would be with me !

Because I practically brought them up alone , He worked constantly.. even Sundays when I would beg him to have a day with me and the kids .. looking back I know he wasted working the whole of it .. he’d of stopped off for a coffee here or lunch there .. chatted to his mates , while I was bring up our children, plus working too ! They are my world , they always have been and along the peeks and troughs are what kept me going through the whole time. But at nearly 19 and 17 .. I guess daddy’s money and good to times to be had has turned their minds !!

Thank you for your positive post agora .. I do hope you’re well x

[Billsfriend]

No. You did win. Because you did what was best not only for yourself but your children as well. In the end that is what matters. Imagine if you just let him continue to break you and the girls. In 20 years would you be glad? No.

Aren't you entitled to half of the marital assets? IDK, but that strikes me as odd. It is just plain wrong that we sometimes have to suffer for doing the right thing, and I feel terrible for you.

I know that things will get better for you and your precious girls.

I am Soo glad that you are here, getting help is the first step!

[Sillysausage234]

Morning Marie ...hope this new day is a bit kinder to you ...treat yourself to some cheese and crackers

[1973m]

Thank you... just need the positivity and to know I did the right thing because right now I feel like my arm has been ripped off .. that my children have gone .. I spoke to my mum last night .. she knows I practically brought them up on my own .. Because he was always out and busy .. my good friends and family know the truth .. I suppose that all that matters.. thanks again

[ruthnaomi116]

Hi Marie, I'm sorry you are going through this. Despite the difficulties now, please don't discount the fact that you have two beautiful children and are doing the best you can for them and for yourself. Your children are also going through a confusing time and I think they are doing the best they can with what they have.

Take good care of yourself during this time, you are healing. Have you reached out to trusted friends and family for support and counsel? Staying connected to others will help during difficult times. Have you considered counseling? It may be a constructive way to use your time to focus on the future and the best path forward.

You mentioned positivity. Where in your life can you focus on the things you are grateful for and build positivity into your life? Worry is a conversation you have with yourself about things you cannot change. Prayer is a conversation with God about things He can change. I have a 365 calendar with daily verses from the bible. My favorite is, "The Lord is near to all who call out to Him," and "Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy dwell on these things."

You are strong and you will make it through this. Thanks for sharing your story and reaching out!

[1973m in reply to ruthnaomi116]

Thank you so much for such a beautiful reply. I have found myself saying the odd prayer ( I do believe)

You are right my teens are confused too especially my daughter I feel she’s the most vulnerable and as a mum all I want to do is have her with me and look after her .. it breaks my heart not seeing her .. we share texts and snatched conversations but having been a proper mum for nearly 19 years I’m now missing out on their lives so much it hurts ..( my son is at uni and at the moment enjoying his new found freedom we have daily contact ☺️)

My problem is I thought of myself and I’m wrestling with this daily., had I known then what I know now .. I’d of probably put up and shut up 🤐 at least for a few more years !! It’s the guilt I think I’m struggling to live with .. because I’m not a selfish person yet I am .. for doing this to my children!!

Thank you again., take care.

[ruthnaomi116]

I can see you are a great mum by the way you talk about your children and how much you sacrifice for your family. Also, it's cool that you have such a strong relationship with your children. My family never had to deal with what you are going through, but never had a close relationship either. We are still working on that as I'm now grown and married. Be proud of your values and your choices and what you can control (how you respond). I don't believe it is wise to make any decisions out of fear, guilt or shame. Try to remember the big picture that you are fighting for, and not sacrifice what you ultimately want in effort to avoid pain now in the short term. This will pass. Have faith. All the best!