Im really trying. I keep trying to convince myself that my new psychiatrist knows what shes doing but ive been in medical field x25 years and ive been seeing a psychiatrist in FL x20 years. I got on the right combo of meds down in FL but now that im in VA my new psychiatrist changed everything. Im now on 2 antidepressants an anti anxiety med a blood pressure med (supposedly tp help with panic attacks) and a sleep med. Everytime ive seen her (well...only 2x but) she makes me feel like im drug seeking and now im self pay so to see a new doc its gonna take time and money...i have neither.
I just want to feel normal again. It sounda crazy but my cat keeps me alive. I look at her and know i cant abandon her. On yhe other hand, i still have doubts about my life and how to keep going. When i try to relax... All i think about is the negatives in my life. I dont feel i have a future and if i do...its full of problems and struggles and pain.
I cant focus on anything but yhe pain and sadness. And guilt. I feel guilty for wanting to end this pain. I feel guilty that my mom sees my pain.
My new meds make me sleep ALL the time. I discussed w my doc that i feel flat and zombie like...she gave me a new med! Wtf. I doubt her plan of treatment especially because my last psychiatrist got me on a good effective course of meds.
Im angry but im trying
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Nkdillon
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Hello! Whew. I read your message twice quickly and then read it slowly trying just to l picked out words that were factual and not emotional.
The things that stood out was I don't know how long you have been in Virginia on all these different meds, did your new doctor explain why she switched you to other meds, was there someone with you to listen to what the new doctor was explaining (if she explained) and were you tight enough with your physician in Florida to call him/her and get a telephone conference to see if he/she are willing to call or fax/email your current doctor in Virginia. Maybe your new doctor does not have or reviewed your Florida records carefully. And am glad that your cat and you have good relationship. It's interesting that animals sometimes are our source of sanity, caring and love, yes love, when our world seems to be spinning out of control. (Like mine was, and when my husband announced this morning exactly what type of service dog I should now get and it can come from a shelter.......that was all against the advice by my vet and the PTSD trainers I have consulted. I just turned away and told him I knew he was trying to help, but I was feeling like he was backing me into corner. He stopped when I asked him to come with me to my doctors and the meeting with a prospective trainer my vet referred me to.)
AND you followed the 11th commandment: "Thou shalt not Google. Call MD." I commend you on that. Hope some of this helped.
If you haven't already, I would get a copy of your records from FL. Call a community mental health center (less expensive, sliding scale) and bring your records in. Show the new doc your records and tell him/her you were doing really well on those meds. I'll bet he or she switches you over. Most docs don't want to mess with what's working. Be sure to keep a copy of your records!!!!
Trust yourself. If you feel bad, you feel bad. You're in control. It sounds like you have no choice but to make the effort to find someone new. It may not even take as long as you think. So go for it. You can do this. Sometimes we have to fight for our mental health. If you felt good before, you can feel good again. Pick up the phone. Write down numbers. Do what you have to do.
Besides, if you are self pay, why give this person who's insulting you and mismanaging your care another penny? Remember - YOU are in charge, NOT her. In a sense, she works for you.
As for your mom, try to let go of your guilt. This is not your fault. Tell your mom you are getting things back on track and going to fix this. If there's anythng she can do to help in that process, let her. When you're feeling better, you can repay her with lots of little kindnesses.
You are the boss of your mental health. So go, NK, go! Hugs and best wishes to you.
I was on Effexor and had bad side effects and drug interactions. When my deep depression hit my new doctor wanted to change my meds up and I said no - respectfully, firmly, confidently. Don’t be afraid of asking for what you need. If she won’t help, try again. I know it’s hard though.
I know how you feel about cats, my gray baby saved me. She was my sweetie and just wanted to be next to me. She helped me through the rough times. I’ve been sad since her passing and still miss her.
how did you find the new dr ? i suggest you call the best hospital in your area and talk to chief of psychiatry dept ask for recommendation. Or a teaching University. Interview drs. i recently changed drs after 20+ years because my depression symptoms were returning more often. This dr took me off Prozac completely, increased Effexor by 75 mg . Took me off Temazapam (sleep med like clonazapam) added A small dose of Lithium at night so my depression wouldn’t cycle down so deep and so often. He just prescribed Trazadone as needed for sleep. I have been feeling great, and glad I have less meds in my system.
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Trying to work up the courage 
I tried and failed, but that's perfectly ok. 
Let’s All Try This...
Trying to find happiness
Trying to keep it together!
