A hot mess and in need of help

[Loki1018]

So I'm diagnosed with bipolar, anxiety, and depression and on meds such as lamictal and xanax. I'm in the medical field, I'm a surgical tech/Obstetrics tech also finished all my prerequisites for nursing so I've taken certain classes twice one of them being psychology and I been doing some research and I believe my psychiatrist may have missed a diagnosis which is BPD and you can have BPD and bipolar together.

I fit most of the classic symptoms no thought of wanting to hurt myself or suicidal thoughts Thank God! But most of the rest make sense as to why I feel the way I do.

Also I'm in a long term relationship and am very faithful, when I was single I was abut promiscuous and also drinking a lot. I left a 6 year long relationship which was not stable nor showing any signs of a promising future of being married or anything if such sort. I'm not the type of female that puts any pressure of wanting to get married I feel as though it will come when the time comes I don't like anyone feeling the pressure to have to commit marriage because the other is basing on how long that relationship is in. Plus it's about scary for myself as well I would like to be married one day but at the same time it gives me the feeling that I should run to the high hills.

My bf noticed that I do have bipolar but I don't think he knows of BPD he himself has PTSD and bipolar and depression so when we are both at the same going through it, it's havoc.

I just called my psychiatrist and waiting for him to call me back because I do feel as though we missed this diagnosis. I went to bad feeling anger and rage and woke up irritated and still angry and enraged as well as at the moment hating my bf which he didn't do anything to cause it.

I'm a hot mess in the inside but am very good of hiding it and making it seem like everything is ok when it's not. I feel like exploding though wanting to just scream in someone's face and even punching them.

I need help venting it out here did make me feel a bit calmer for the moment but it's only for the moment.

[Wilburbudgirl]

I’m so sorry! Anxiety and these other mental illnesses are awful

And I’m sorry if it seams like I’m just thinking about myself now, but I noticed that your a nurse and was just wondering if having a sore throat/ feeling kinda run down is just a cold?? Because I have health anxiety it’s making me really worried that I have an infection like strep or something bad😩 I looked in my mouth and from what I can see I didn’t see any white spots/ don’t think I have a fever.... sorry for this🙄 everything health/getting sick freaks me out that I’m dying now

[Loki1018]

I'm not a nurse at the moment but I don't feel sick 😷 and my anxiety doesn't affect health you maybe coming down with a cold or even a sinus issue I'm in NJ don't know where your located but it maybe due to the weather change. Your not dying and your right if no white spots it's not sterp could be tonsillitis if you still have your tonsils but it's ok for you to pre medicate with over the counter meds for cold of sinus infections even though you have no fever it will prevent you from really coming down with something

Hope that helped you and hope you feel better !

And no need to apologize helping others out is a great distraction for me when I'm all over the place my mind refocuses when others need help which I love to do !

[Hidden]

Sounds a lot like the ride I was/have been on for a long time. I've suffered from depression since about the age of 5 or so. Suicidal thoughts came a few years later when my uncle killed himself. So those are the two things (diagnosis) I knew for sure growing up. I'm 44 now and spent the better part of 30 years trying to figure it out and put a name or label on it. I was going through a difficult time in 2010 and completely lost my mind. Up until that point I kept everything in. Then all of the sudden I became violent. Breaking stuff and breaking down. I thought I was bipolar. I Went to a psychiatrist and she said yup, and put me on a ton of different meds that made me worse. The more research I did, the more diagnosis I had for myself. In 2011 I couldn't take it anymore and decided to have a SPECT imaging brain scan done. The results came back with me having PTSD and dysthymia. I also get anxious when I'm in certain public areas, and I dissociate a lot.

My point is that whatever label you want to put on it doesn't matter as much as the way you are being treated/medicated. I've tried just about every med out there, and only one has helped me for nightmares (prazosin). Everything else made me more depressed and suicidal. I also did a gene test that shows how your genetic make up and your body processes different types of medication. I have the MTHFR marker, and my psychiatrist sees why the meds don't work for me. The only other med I take now is Deplin which is just folic acid. It is supposed to help the other meds work, but it didn't. I'm also B12 deficient and get monthly injections. That's a link to my depression. I feel better now but still have my moments. I guess I'm venting a bit myself, but don't stress about putting the correct label on it. Medication works differently on everyone. I think I have BPD and bipolar, but when it comes down to it, find healthy ways of coping and find a good therapist. Maybe even a group to go to. That's what I'm in search of right now. I also cut the alcohol in 2006, and recently cut out all caffeine. That has helped my mood tremendously. Hope some of this helps.

~ Aaron

[Loki1018]

Thanks Aaron well I do take B12, Vit.D, birth control, blood pressure and a multi vitamin. I have a therapist mind you I've only began treating myself give or take 5 months so I'm super new to all of this and right it's trial and error I guess with the meds right now till the right one if found. I'm also scared because meds come with a lot of side affects and I've had allergic reactions already such as Wellbutrin SR for smoking cessation after Chantix sent me into a spiral so my doc said to stop right away and also prednisone to treat allergies and had a reaction to treat an allergic reaction lol. So I'm hesitant with meds since I have so many I take already.

Thanks for replying I will look into maybe taking some of the exams you mentioned but I do have to be careful cause my diagnosis can be later on found on my medical records and it could affect my job and future opportunities. They take stuff very seriously when your in the medical field especially when you are responsible for giving care to others.