I'm a professional, but i also suffer from depression and anxiety. I've been through a lot since last year, but this year is worse. My relationship with my parents is bad because they dont like my bf. My relationship with my bf is going down hill. I want to leave but i think i'm afraid that i'll be all but my self. Some days like today i woke up super sad, dont even want to work but i have to. I feel worthless like no one cares or loves me. Sometimes I wish I was never born, so I can escape this sadness. I used to hurt my self physically, nut cutting, but hit my self. In the moment it feels like either a way to punish myself or just to change the pain I feel in my heart/soul. I stopped for a while few months, and I was happy that even when I was said I did self harm. But yesterday I had a discussion with my bf, and when he left I hit myself like 4-5 times in the head. It makes me sad when I do it and even know remembering it.
I am alone with my depression and anxiety. Sometimes I tell my bf about the way that i'm feeling but he doesn't always understand. My parents don't even know, and they don't even understand. My house is a mess, i need to clean but I can;t find the strength to start, and that makes me more sad.
Ooo man, this depression thing is so sad. I'm even thinking about starting on medication like Pristiq but i'm afraid, don't know why.
To whom ever reads this thank you for reading it, I just wanted to let out a little bit of what I feel.
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SullyLau
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I am totally going through this. It sucks. I woke up this morning with anxiety...panic. I am on an antidepressant (it was just increased a few weeks ago). I thought that I was on my way to feeling better, but bam, setback again. I don't want to say I'm suicidal...but damn do I wish I wasn't suffering with this. All I am doing now is crying and obsessing about what I am not eating..or that I don't have an appetite..and afraid I won't sleep. It all started after my break up with my boyfriend two months ago..or over two months ago. I have no desire for anything. I just sit and stare basically. I am at work....and am glad to be here..but I feel fatigued, even though I am afraid I won't sleep. I am hungry, even though food disgusts me. I don't know if my meds are making my blood sugar all wacky which is making me feel hungry. I am just a mess. Been trying to meet people through match.com. I have, but just cancelled plans to meet one of the people out of fear. But then I asked him if he would reconsider. I told him what I am going through and he is kind enough to meet me...as my "practice." I just want things to look forward to again. I have lost myself. I hate it.
We hear you, Sullylau. I totally get it. Antidepressants work wonders for some, not so much for others. The choice is yours.
With depression and other mental health issues, it's not the circumstances, it's the chemicals in the brain and the trauma that remains in the nervous system. Sometimes no amount of prestige or outer surroundings can fix that. Remember, even wealthy celebrities have depression. We "little folk" are no different.
Maybe instead of hitting yourself you can hit pillows or throw foam bricks or something. Think about the meds.
in reply to
I take anti depressants I never wanted to but I do. And will probably be on them until I die
Your post really resonates with me. I am sorry you are going through this, but I hope it helps to know that you're not alone. Moreover, I think its pretty cool that you have the introspection to articulate all of these challenges, how you feel, and even try to reach out to your partner (even if it did not elicit the results you need). Sometimes it helps just to be able to lay out the problem or the pain so we can see it for what it is.
In regards to needing to clean the house: I found a book called "Unf*ck your habitat" that helped me a lot (though I am giving a huge pile of dishes in the sink the side eye right at this moment). In the book, the author advises folks with depression to do a "ten five" or clean/work on a task for ten minutes and then take a mandatory, absolutely no excuses break for five minutes (you don't even need to come back to the task after the five minute break; all you have to do is stop). The author's primary cautionary note is this: no marathon cleaning EVER! Even if it is only ten minutes at a time, over the course of two weeks or a month, you can see improvement while minimizing stress, negative self-talk, and physical exhaustion. This helped me get a mountain of laundry done when I felt that I had no motivation or vitality left to function.
In closing, I will say this of myself: medication saved my life but only when I was ready to embark on that part of my journey. It doesn't do everything, but it helps me empower myself and think clearly about next steps and healing. I still struggle, but now it feels like a fight instead of just feeling like I am only my depression; medication helped me cultivate the part of myself that wants to keep going.
I hope this is helpful and I wish you all the best.
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Feelings of Sadness and Depression Keep Recurring
super nervous super powers
Waking up and already feeling sad (depressed)
Feeling sad and don't know why
Sad 
