I don't know what I'm doing anymore

[Ashley8992]

I don't know what feels right anymore. I don't know who or what will make me happy, I'm so confused. I have been "dating" this guy(josh) at work over the last 3 months and he lives 8 hours and has drove to come see me 3 times and we have had wonderful weekends.but last week I broke it off with him because I started liking this guy(cory) at work. I went out with this guy from work and had a great lunch with him. Tonight the guy from work admitted he likes me and he would like to go on a couple dates and see how it goes. I really like both of them. Josh more emotionally than physically, but cory is much more physically attractive and I don't have any emotional attachment to him. I'm really relaxed when I'm with josh and when I'm with cory I'm still pretty nervous, he's usually not the type of guy I get with. I don't know if I should choose between them? I don't really want to hurt or lead on either of them. What should I do, I mean I'm 25 years old. I don't know if my depression and anxiety is impacting my decisions. But I feel like I'm so confused I can't make a good decision on my own.

[blackcat64013]

Hi Ashley8992

Playing the field is one thing, and dating quite another. Dating is not easy to begin with, and it becomes that much harder when you've hit the sweet spot, by finding not one, but two lovely people that you see immense potential with. While it's incredibly flattering, and a heady adrenalin rush to be wooed by two in the beginning; let's face it, once the rose-tinted glasses are off, it is not as glamorous as one might imagine it to be. In fact, it quickly gets exhausting with the constant juggling (and you wonder how others do it), especially when you are ready to take it forward with one of the two.

How do you make that difficult choice of letting one go, and going for what could possibly be "the one"?

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While it's perfectly natural to ask your closest confidants for perspective; and by all means, you should - but sometimes the noises from differing quarters can get deafening. This, in turn, is likely to cloud your judgement, and add to your confusion. Thus, while it's important to hear them out, it's equally imperative to listen to one voice, and one voice alone: Yours.

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It's time to rip the Band-Aid off

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No one said it will be easy, but it's got to be done. Here's how:

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Weigh the pros and cons:

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Whether you write it down on a paper, or key it in on your phone or IPad, a handy list will help you whittle down the pros and cons of each date, and make it easier for you to reach and take a decision. (it has never failed me when it comes to decision-making).

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Calm is thy name:

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It's easy to work yourself up in a sweat when it comes to making a difficult decision. Don't. Be calm and take your time making that call. By the same token, don't postpone your decision or become complacent about it, because it isn't fair to the people involved. You might risk losing both of them because you dilly-dallied.

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Compatibility :

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Between the two, one of them is likely to have a slight edge over the other when it comes to chemistry and compatibility. Simply ask yourself this:

Which one of the two makes you laugh the most?

Who do you think of calling for no particular reason?

Who would you lean on during a crisis and so on.

Another aspect to keep in mind is how comfortable your silences are. Eventually, it will boil down to your commonalities that will tip the scales.

Are you there, tiny voice? It's me:

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When it comes to matters of love, our hearts and heads tend to be at loggerheads, and we often ignore that little voice, only to have regrets later. That little voice is our gut speaking - our intuition. Some of the best decisions are the ones that have gone on pure instinct. Learn to trust it, and it will never let you down. Don't let fear stop you. Take that leap of faith and see where you land. Chances are it won't be as horrifying as you had imagined it to be.