Alone

[Lantis88]

I just need to write this down, get it out of my head and make some space.

Do you ever just feel alone? You have the world around you, people that "care", but you just feel alone. I know that I'm not alone, but in having that understanding of whats going on in my head, I am alone. I think back to the shy little girl I was so many years ago, I had plans, goals, dreams. Now they are like dust on a windy day. I wonder how I got to this point in my life, what things I could of changed. One day drags on into the next and the next thing I know another year has passed. I keep telling myself I'm going to make changes, and I do, but eventually I find myself in the same place, feeling alone. Slowly slipping into the background of my own life.

I have a good life! I have a husband that I love and adore, and I think loves me back. Our bills are always paid, I have a beautiful home, adorable pets, and an extended family that I get along with.

I just get sucked into my head and disappear. Alone. That longing to come out of my head consumes me, but I just can't seem to get out, and fear that if I reach out I might ruin that perfect scene of a wonderful life outside of my head.

[mysmugcat]

Yes I do. I'm still mulling over your last sentence. Does your husband know how you feel? Have you been diagnosed with anxiety and or depression? Do you take medicine or see a counsellor?

[Lantis88 in reply to mysmugcat]

No meds right now. I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety. They have a tendency to make me anxious. I try to stick to just being healthy. It helps I just have some bad days. It helps to get it out.