Brokenat21

I have finally come to realize that I cannot change who or what I am. I cannot change how I got here. Even though I feel broken, others may or may not see me as broken. I think we probably all have a few cracks and some just hide the cracks better than others and some cracks are deeper than others. It is very hard for me to remember this some days when my cracks are so deep and wide I can't crawl out.

[Adelaydachic]

A wise man said you have to break your pattern of thinking. Focus on wherever you want to go, not on what you fear. You will go where you focus. I feel as though you are a deep thinker. Most of the best poets are too. Be good to yourself because you deserve it.

[Dougjl in reply to Adelaydachic]

Well stated

[Windy101]

You are so right - EVERYONE had parts of themselves that are "cracks." I think it's part of being human to know at least some suffering. Still, that doesn't mean you don't deserve to feel better. It was suggested trying to focus on some goals you can be excited about - that could be a good start. Have you reached out for professional help?

[Hidden in reply to Windy101]

10 years now. This has been going on 39 years total. If I had gotten a different profession things could have been different. I go through up and down days. Some are better than others. I am just tired of the circle.

[Hidden]

I will be better after switching meds again. They work for awhile but after awhile its like they don't work anymore. I will find another one. I went back to the Dr yesterday. I have to go through test they they will find one that works and then I am good for awhile. I just wish it would all go away. Tomorrow will be better.

[Hidden]

Thanks to all for reading. I will take all suggestions. Doctors try very hard and they do try. It is not like they don't care. They really do. My Dr is retiring and I am having to switch Doctors along with everything else. It is just scarey to think you could get stuck with a bad one. My Dr was the same for 30 years but he has a life also. I wish him the best. He is wonderful and will be missed by all his patients.

[Windy101]

It is scary to change doctors when there is one that you trust. I hope it turns out to be an opportunity for a fresh start somehow rather than something negative. I know what you mean about switching meds. I had a terrible time this year but after getting on the right ones feel so much better. It does make a huge difference.

[Windy101]

I hope you'll keep posting! You sound like a strong person who has the strength to perservere!