Hello everyone as the tittle says I a, new to this blog. I am an adult now, but despite my maturity it may seem that it has taken me all my life to find that I am a person who suffers from social anxiety disorder and obsessive compulsive disorder. Now as an adult doing big girl things, all of this scared me. I was raised in environment in which my siblings and I were not allowed to leave our house, first because we were told nit was too dangerous and secondly because there was no now who could take us out. So we had to make the best of being at home, we had to make our own fun. As I grew and went from elementary to middle school to high school and the college I was always a very shy person. Sat at the back and never volunteered. As I got into nursing school I started to develop really bad anxiety, panic attacks and depression. Though I thought the=at nursing school developed it because that was not the case. I decided to go to a psychologist because I knew that the fears I had all the anxiety was not normal, I did not understand where it was coming from. As I started to think over my life I noticed that all these symptoms had accompanied me, I just did not know what they were. Every time I would start something I would panic, start thinking I was unfit for the job or position. I did not have the qualities, I felt very insecure and these thoughts would bring on fear, anxiety, depression and panic attacks. I felt really nervous and anxious when I was not in control of the situations, like when I asked for help I didn't like it because the other person was in control I depended on them and that put in a vulnerable place. I basically created a whole soap opera in my head before I even tried it, which basically in turn set me back in a lot of my goals. All of this also brought with it my insecurities, it is these insecurities that made me look for help. All that I had felt had not allowed me all these year to know who I was. I think that can sometime can be a broad statement and to me it meant that I need to get over my fears to know what I like and did not like and not what people had told me. Where I wanted to put the boundaries, which I could bend and which I would not. I needed to know myself to have that self confidence I want to have. I felt that by having these insecurities I was very vulnerable, easily persuaded from what I wanted. I did not like this at all because you should do things because you know what they are and the consequences. I felt the need to change to please others and that is a bad combination because when u change for others you give away who you are. To please others is to loose your identity and eventually are miserable for who you are is not you but what others made you, making you a very unhappy person. Besides my social anxiety disorder, panic attacks, I have OCD. This OCD has also brought me difficulties that has made my anxiety and depression because of the repetitive and excessive intrusive thoughts, that in turn make me do receptive t things to alleviate that anxiety. Through therapy I have achieved a lot of progress, but I know I still have a road ahead in order to improve. I think a big one is to accept who I am, I look back at the things I did because of my insecurity, shyness, and low self esteem and feel embarrassed and ashamed of them. I mean I did not do horrible things, but occasion sin. which I may have looked like a dork or little girls when I am adult. It this constant fear and thoughts that people probably though I was so dumb too shy or too much of a prude. I need to get over that because its a process I needed to go through to overcome my anxiety, depression, panic attacks and OCD. Its a process to accept who I am, overcome them, show my true colors and be a healthy person. This way I can be productive not only for society, but or me. So there it is a little bit of me.