Struggling

[Dane67]

I have been suffering from what I consider a low grade depression for months and perhaps years. I only recently realized this. At the same time, I started a new relationship in February that has added anxiety on top of the depression. My girlfriend has helped me to realize some of the things going on with me. That is good, but it is also having a significant effect on our relationship. As of 2 days ago I am on Wellbutrin and Xanax. I also want to start therapy soon to begin dealing with deep seated issues that are sabotaging my love relationship. I'm 67, retired and just want peace in my life. I have to get to the bottom of my issues. I don't know what I expect from this site. I guess I am hoping that sharing similar experiences will give me some insight.

[CaptainCrunch]

If your looking for the root of things I found journaling to be very helpful. It aloud me to really explore my past as well as analyze events more throughly. It honestly even began to bring up so much junk I am currently having to table it for a while so I can stabilize again.

But through it I realized that anxiety and worry were so in grained in to my life that every thought I had was based on a negative pessimistic attitude that allowed me to feel safe.

So basically I am having to become a completely different person. With the aid of journaling and my therapist and wife. I am having to rethinking everything I am doing and the goal behind it. Generally the root of all my thoughts and choices were based on fear. Fear of failure and fear of rejection.

I don't know if this is what you were looking for but it is where I am at today. Don't be hard on yourself. Nothing is going to get fixed in a day, week, or even years. Posting here with others in the same boat has been a great blessing. Please keep us up to date on how you are doing.

[Dane67 in reply to CaptainCrunch]

Thanks for the journaling suggestion. I think I have a similar issue to the one you describe. I spent 10 years studying the way the world works below the surface and in the process developed a very negative view of almost every system created by man. I gradually isolated myself in an attempt to eliminate any control of these systems over me. Ultimately I realized it is futile and leads to loneliness and unhappiness. So...I am reentering the world determined to enjoy the rest of my life. Not as easy as I imagined since my mind is hanging on to all the negativity I had built up. That is problem #1.

[Hidden]

Well I think the anti depressants may help combat your low grade depression and if you have a particular stressful situation or upcoming event, you always have your anti anxiety medication to assist. I think maybe you haven't realized what your issues were or where they came from but you seem to be very rational about it all - medication, therapy, and a drive for a better life. Plus, you seem like you have a very supportive girlfriend to be there for you when times get a little confusing or tough. As for the negativity, I know all about that from my work in developing countries. There's a lot of evil and unfairness in the world, but I think that you still deserve to be happy, everyone does. I'm 24 years old, I have a dog and a cat, and an obsession with lavender. We're not all bad, including yourself.