Does anyone else go into a state of numbness after being extremely anxious for days at a time? Since Sunday night I have been in a constant state of anxiety. Shaking, racing obsessive thoughts, worrying about anything and everything. I feel like I'm in constant survival mode and I guess in some ways I am. I feel like I am just trying to survive. I feel like no body understands. My anxiety is coming in between my husband and I. I try so hard to make him understand but he just doesn't. I feel us drifting apart slowly. He's pulling away from me because I'm not the woman he married. I had my anxiety controlled to an extent before the traumatic birth of my son 2.5 months ago. Today after a stressful doctor visit for my son and finding out he has a muscle disorder I shut down. It's like I'm not Haley anymore. Even writing the name Haley feels weird. I feel numb to all emotions. I prefer it this way over the constant feel of dread. I feel so alone in my thoughts. The only thing good in my life is my baby boy but I can't even protect him from the world. My husband said something today that makes me just want to give up. He said I might have to live with the fact this is my new normal. He doesn't see the turmoil inside of me because I just try to show him the strong side because after showing him my weak side he couldn't handle it. I let him know when we first started dating that I had extremely bad anxiety and depression but I believe all he saw was a bright eyed 20 year old who wanted to conquer the world. We've been together for almost 5 years and married for 3 and I've never felt more alone than I have right now. I'm so afraid this will get to much for him and walk away. Money is just one of our many troubles. After my hospital bills, my son's NICU bills and the constant Dr visits for both my son and I we are in debt. I keep trying to tell my husband as long as we have each other everything else doesn't matter but he doesn't care. I guess I'm just not enough. I feel like I'm drowning. I was seeing a psychiatric nurse practitioner but she hasn't helped me and I finally found a doctor I use to see as a child but she's not in my network with insurance. I just need help. I can't do this on my own. Is that to much to ask for? I can not keep living like this. I have so much to live for but I can't help but keep thinking how much easier it would be if I gave up. I'm just so tired.