Looking for help/ guidance

[elyapp]

I'm new here. I have come here in the hopes of helping myself help my Newly forming family.My Fiance and his son have lived alone for 12 years and We are going to get married. I knew there was a problem with things piling up that I sort of thought was laziness.There is absolutely a hoarding problem and the bigger problem I have is with his son.He has I believe some anxieties..I think ADHD,OCD and social anxieties..I need to find ideas help to cope with this for myself and family if our relationship is going to move forward..He is 22 ,his mom passed when he was 10 had cancer when he was 3..Dad has some hoarding issues that he is willing to move though.Communication is tough for both Let alone communication involving emotions..If this isn't the place for me can you please point me in a direction that may be able to help us..I have hope (where as last week none) and the support of his Mom's side of the family where as the boy has always been like this.I don't want to give in.I know the boy will move out eventually but I'd like to help guide him or help him to see or cope.In order for this to happen I feel the need to understand. Thank you so much

[Hidden]

Hi I am sorry by I can't help. I just wanted to say nice to meet you and welcome to the site. I am sure others will be in tomorrow who will be able to advise you.

You sound like a lovely stepmother to be, very caring and supportive.

[elyapp in reply to Hidden]

Thank you..Just trying to have patience, knowledge and creative ideas to utilize and figure out what is the basis of some this. I have reached out to his Aunts for more info since he hasn't had a female involved except them and they were not live in so some things they don't know but the not throwing away has been since he was at least 3 yrs old..Going slow. He has taken upon himself to sort and separate..I can see how hard it is to part with things some not even owned by him although his father said go ahead and throw it away..Th only thing I can do at the moment is pull it out and only take from the house what he deemed ready to go...I am supposed to move in by Sept..I don't think that will happen for lack of space for me

[Stopmycrazy in reply to elyapp]

You are doing exactly what they day to do. Maybe a negotiation? Thanks for making space for me let's celebrate with your favorite...

If it is directly linked to never coping w his mother's death, therapy may be crucial.

[Mireyaozzieg]

Sometimes hearing others in this blog you will find some deeper info that will help you and guide you on how people like us deal with grief plus anxiety and other things like OCD and depression. For sure theraphy for his son would be awesome if his willing to get the proper help.

[Stopmycrazy]

I have a son the same age. There has to be a plan in place that everyone is on board with; especially the son. There are a lot of groups of support for people of all ages. Our son is moving out w some help from us. We are robbing him of be coming his own man and enjoying the feeling of self reliance at this point, despite his issues. And we will always be part of his support system during the bad times.

[Kakes808]

I understand your on this site to help but no offense your making it out like the son and the father is crazy and I'm just saying from a person who is dealing with anxiety, you worded your whole story wrong. The fact that you said "I know he will move out" is awful. You are not only marrying our man but you're pretty much marrying his son, your making a commitment to love them no matter what. That fact that your labeling them "a problem " is just mean. Think about what you write because guaranteed if he saw this, you would put him even more down. Instead of coming on here for help. Go to a real therapist and get answers if you truly care.

[mysmugcat]

Hello. I am kinda still a stepmum though my partner is deceased. Just to say hi and I'm here to talk or by pm. Is there a family support service near you? Reach out to agencies/help available. There are some useful stepparenting books too, I borrowed some from my library.