Overwhelmed

So a little while ago I was playing a video game and my boyfriend started asking me about bills. He asked how much money we need to get together for everything and I told him 'the paper' was in the kitchen. 'The paper' is what I use to keep track of the budget. I followed with, "I think we just need $650 more."

"What?" He replied, to which I answered,

"We owed a little over a grand, right? But we paid 555 so we need around 650 or something."

I was wrong though because I forgot our check for $555 bounced so we still owe the full balance of over a grand. I guess this confused him and as usual for him confusion becomes frustration which gets taken out on me in the form of an attitude.

So what did I do? I got an attitude as well. I wasn't trying to but he was talking to me poorly so I didn't even notice the change in my own voice. Anyways he really does not like when I have an attitude and I feel like he doesn't handle it the way one should. But of course he feels differently.

So back to the story - he started sounding rudely so I replied also sounding rudely and he retorts with a mean comment about getting off my ass and getting the paper for him. I'm thinking, "really??? You're sitting next to me doing nothing why do I have to stop what I'm doing to get it?" But I comply without complaint.

And then when I hand him the paper he asks me what it is. I told him that it was the paper and it says how much we need. So he ignored that fact and went back to what I originally said about the $650, asking me why I had to get the paper instead of just explaining myself to him... WHAT?!

I don't know... I tried to tell him that I realized I was wrong and that's why I got the paper for him instead but he is just so mad about the fact that I couldn't explain myself. So at this point I'm so frustrated I start crying and head towards the bedroom and once I'm inside I sit in bed with my knees pressed to my chest, cover myself with a blanket, and cry. All the while I hear him still going on about how he just doesn't understand why I make everything so difficult.

A few minutes pass and he comes into the bedroom and the moment I see his face I know - this is not going to be good for me. So I ask him "what?" and he asks me what I'm doing. I tell it like it is, "I need to be alone until I can calm down."

"Great," he says. He loves to use that word sarcastically as he possibly can. It hurts so much and he knows but he still uses it. So we get into another argument about why I do this. "Why do you do this? HUH?" I hate the added "huh" he throws in at the end. It feels like he's jabbing me with a stick to see what I'll do back.

I tried to tell him he got an attitude with me and that's what set me off but he yells back that I got the attitude first.

This seems like a pretty petty thing to argue about; who did what first, but that is the basis of most of our arguments. Why?

Because when he does something wrong he refuses to admit it. At first I thought maybe he was being a jerk and trying to just push all of our problems onto me but I'm starting to think that he really doesn't believe he is doing anything wrong... Ever. I honestly don't remember the last time we both agreed that he was in the wrong. All of our arguments boil down to who started it or who is wrong and it is always me.

The hardest thing about all of this is that he whines that I am always trying to blame him for everything and that I try to make everything seem like his fault... I just want him to take ownership of the things he does do wrong, not everything. We both do things we shouldn't but the balme always falls on me. I always have to apologize multiple times for everything I do "wrong" and it feels like defeat.

Sometimes I worry that maybe it really is just me. He says I'm selfish and only care about my own feelings and sometimes I wonder if he's right. What if I really am starting all these things but just not realizing it? Am I crazy?

There is so much more I would like to say but I've gone on for too long as it is. I'm greatful to have this outlet as I have no one to talk to when problems arise. Any advice is welcomed.

3 Replies

oldestnewest
  • Hey, I don't think you're crazy, nor is it all your fault, possibly not your fault at all. I have been in relationships where arguments come out of nowhere too. And I always take the blame, then get really depressed and have an anxiety attack. Don't feel bad for wanting time alone, it's heathy! You can only control yourself, you know yourself best. Do what makes you feel better and makes you happy. - I wish you the best, you aren't alone.

  • You are not the cause for the argument that took place. And it sounds to me like you are big enough of a person to admit that your whenever you are wrong. That is a good thing and you should be commended for it. It's perfect fine to want to be alone, especially if you've been hurt. Are you an introvert? Introverts find it easy on be alone; I'm an introvert. If your boyfriend isn't welling to except that you have different ways of handling things than him and keeps pushing you against the wall and if you continue to get hurt by his words and attitude I would say leave him. I know it's easier said than done and I don't know everything about your relationship or how you guys work when things are good, so what I think doesn't carry much weight. I would suggest a book called, " The Five Languages". It talks about the different ways people feel and receive love. I would try to get your boyfriend to read it with you so you and ask one another questions about it... Remember, you deserve to be loved! You deserve to be happy! You deserve life free of hardship. I know you feel defeated now, but know this. Life isn't always easy, and it's what we do in the face of hardship that makes us shine. I hope and pray your life will be full of joy!

  • Hi it sounds like your bf is very immature and can't handle responsibility. He is putting everything on you to deal with. Remind him you are not his mother and that you should be having a more equal relationship. You need a man in your life, not a little boy who throws tantrums.

You may also like...