Overwhelmed

[Lixus]

I feel like I'm drowning again... Too much anxiety that never goes away, everyday I feel overwhelmed by a lot of intrusive thoughts that comes into my mind and is beginning to be really difficult to ignore them and I don't know what to do... I'm just keeping me away from hurting myself again to stop the pain but I see it closer every day... I've spent 16 days without hurting but I end up doing it again on 31st because I was having too much anxiety...

I know this thought aren't real and I have to keep going, that I'm strong and all that positive things people around me keeps telling me but I just feel stuck, I don't know what to do and I'm scared

[Hb2003]

I understand how you feel And I am really sorry that your feeling this way we are here for you ☮️❤️

[lillyofthevalley37]

You shouldn't punish yourself for thoughts that come into your head ? We all get crazy sometimes shameful shocking thoughts especially if we are nervous

[Lixus in reply to lillyofthevalley37]

The thing is that I'm stuck, everyday feels the same to me and I can't fix it, I can't do anything about it and sometimes is just too much to handle

[lillyofthevalley37 in reply to Lixus]

So your problem is intrusive thoughts ?

[Lixus in reply to lillyofthevalley37]

Righ now yes, I mean I have ocd and depression, I can be suffering one of them for sometime or both... Since 31st I've been with ocd almost everyday

[lillyofthevalley37 in reply to Lixus]

Do you feel compelled to do rituals to avoid a disaster or do you have intrusive thoughts ?

[Lixus in reply to lillyofthevalley37]

Just obsessions, I have some compulsions but it's not that type of ocd. Mine are just like something I've heard once called "pure ocd", idk, I just have obsessive thoughts about me hurting people (not physically) an being the worst person/friend... Like, everything I say or do is wrong and people hate me because of that even though I know they don't hate me and I didn't do anything wrong

[lillyofthevalley37 in reply to Lixus]

I see what you mean - you are deeply unconfident about yourself and constantly scared of people judging you or your friends finding out you are a horrible person ? You have to let go and this is easier said than done

[lillyofthevalley37 in reply to Lixus]

If you were my son Lixus I would say to you hand everything over to God He can handle all your stuff no bother and you can be free of it

[SpaceControl]

I used to engage in this behavior as well. To others it seemed like I was hurting myself but to me I was stopping the pain because the pain inside was so much greater than what I was doing. Yet it helped snap me out of the despair I was in. The thing is, it was never a solution. It was a coping mechanism. A destructive one at that. Are you in therapy? Are you taking medications? If you have a serious disorder than you need to make sure you are taking it seriously. As low as I got, there were only a few times where it was so bad I literally felt like I couldn't breathe. Is that what you are saying? That is a very dangerous place to be in. If that is the case, seek help. Now. If not, make sure you are seeing a good therapist. Not everyone works well together. In the end, therapy helped the most, medication helps keep the balance and a new hobby rounded it all out. Take some action. Let's change this path.

[Lixus in reply to SpaceControl]

Thanks for your words, I really appreciate it, I know that self harm is not a solution, I just use it whenever I feel really overwhelmed, to stop suicidal thoughts and to stop myself from drowning even more and I want to stop doing it as soon as I find other ways to cope with this feeling. I'm seeing a therapist although I can only talk with him once a month, I can't afford private sessions so that's all I got for now... He helps me a lot but only one hour once a month...it is not enough unfortunately...

Yeah I feel like that, I feel that I have this constant state of anxiety and/or depression and I can't breathe, I don't have good days... I talk with friends but I feel like it isn't enough, I feel that something is missing... A change probably... I'm in a really bad place because I'm on the edge, alone...

[SpaceControl in reply to Lixus]

I'm really sorry to hear you are going through this. It sounds like you have some good pieces in place to help you out of it over time. In the meantime though, reach out, maybe even here. There are support lines.. maybe your luck with them will be better than mine were. I can't say I'm fully out of my situation, but it did get better with time.

[Lixus in reply to SpaceControl]

I know it get better with time, but I'm really really tired of this, feeling the same day over day with no stop... It's exhausting. Needing to ask for help to friends with all the intrusive thoughts that doing that causes me is really tired too, 'cause I always go to sleep feeling the worst person in the world even when I know is just anxiety and is not real

[KailaLili]

Thinking of you! When you feel those thoughts become stronger, or if you start to see a trend when they kick in, jump on here. We are here for support. Ultimately, it’s best to get some professional help, too, but we can be your rock along the way. Hugs!!

[Lixus in reply to KailaLili]

Thanks, unfortunately I ended up having a breakdown and using self harm again... Hope things can get better soon... I just have a therapy session once a month

[Lazy_dog_lover]

What are your triggers?What happened on the 31st?

What has worked to lower your anxiety in the past?