Feeling overwhelmed

[01harley]

It's been 12 years since my mother passed, but it seems like I'm going through it all over again. She had Alzheimer's and had fallen and broke her hip. They could not operate to fix it because of her lungs and heart were to bad. They told me she wouldn't leave the hospital. So for three weeks I watched her go. The last week and a half she was heavily sedated for the pain.i stayed every night.. But I did get to say everything I wanted or needed to say. I miss her so. It was one of the hardest things I've had to do. But she wasn't alone and for that I'm grateful. I always seem to get very depressed in September. I figured by now it would be better, but it's not. Well thanks for listening.

[lolavee1]

I think the best thing to do wen u feel this way is think of all the good memories. remember how life was before she was ever sick or anything.

[01harley in reply to lolavee1]

I do. That's why it was such a blessing to be able to talk to her about all kinds of things. Good times and just anything. I would just talk.

[Hidden]

I hear you. I lost my mom 29 years ago in January & I still have a hard time with it. I miss her so, she was my best friend. I live in hope one day we will be together. I'm here for you, I don't think when a loved one goes the pain ever really goes all away, we just learn how to cope with it! I wish for you peace! Love & Hugs!!!

[01harley in reply to Hidden]

That you. Some years are just harder. I guess this is one of them.

[Hidden in reply to 01harley]

Yes they are, hang in there, sometimes I can feel my mom or I'll get signs, does this happen to you? Love, peace, joy, light & hugs!!!

[01harley in reply to Hidden]

Yes. I know people might think I'm crazy. But a white butterfly that flies and stays with me for awhile. And sometimes a humming bird that keeps coming back to the flower I'm sitting by. It brings me comfort.

[Hidden in reply to 01harley]

No we aren't crazy! You have to pay attention for the signs! Such a good feeling isn't it though, you know they are still with you! Love, peace, light, joy & hugs!!!

[NCAQuilter in reply to 01harley]

Our loved ones are forever in our lives, even after their bodies have left. It's hard not to realize that when we can't see them, but, they have subtle ways of communicating. On the day my beloved uncle died, a golf ball turned up by our cabin. He loved golf, and one year was the logistics manager for a PGA event at his club! Each year, on June 2, another golf ball turns up! I now have 15 balls. Two notes - the nearest neighbor is 1/2 mile away, and, I didn't know he had died until the 4th, as we live cross country.

The take away - listen to your mother, through memories and reminders. She is still with you and knows of your love for her! Maybe September can become a celebration of her life! Read her favorite books, listen to her favorite music, spray her perfume on your pillow, visit one of her friends and reminisce.

Peace to you.

[barb08]

I can relate my mother been gone for 31 years

[Hidden in reply to barb08]

It's so hard isn't it? I sure hope you have a fantastic day! Love, peace, joy, light & hugs!!!

[barb08 in reply to Hidden]

it sure is

[6ixtyon1]

My mom passed at home...it was not a surprise, and it was eventually expected, and she was ready and didn't have to pass, alone...but, I was never sure, towards the end, if she took some of the things I told her in an "ok" manner...she was a very cool, compasionate person, so I'm pretty sure that she did. But, she was steadfastly secular, to the end; yet right after she lost her power of speech, I told her I was going to pray for her and did...I do recall her one eye got wider than the other, as if in disbelief. Plus, during the rest of the process, I found I was sort of acting as her "coach," to get her towards this last "goal"--even while administering the medication dosages that hospice provided...her mind, heart and spirit may have been more than ready to leave this plane of existence, but it's amazing the lengths the human body will go to, just to keep on surviving...I kept telling her to relax and take longer, more even breaths...I wonder, now, when I reach my end, will somebody else be telling me the same?

When we could no longer detect a pulse or a breath, and her eyes were relaxed and half-shuttered, I still couldn't believe that she was gone...she was still so warm...and stayed that way, right up to when the hospice nurse and the funeral folks arrived. I couldn't quit cupping her shoulder, holding her hand, or kissing her forehead. When the hospice nurse confirmed our findings, It didn't seem possible that she was leaving us. When her form was covered and her head lolled, as she was placed on the gurney, I knew that we had reached this odd finish line, together...this was what she had wanted, for a long while...to be out of pain and at peace, at last. I may have been breaking apart someplace inside, but I also knew that this was that final gift she'd so badly needed. To think about anything else for the moment seemed wrong. So, I didn't; there would be time, later, to grieve. And, I did. I grieved very, very hard. We had been such good friends...not just mother and daughter.

The loss never goes away, but you do get used to living with it...you could be sorting correspondence, books, plants in the garden, clothes, pictures--suddenly, even in a warm memory, you get shot through with a fresh arrow of loss...the wound re-opens, and you start grieving, afresh...it's almost like loss of breath, for me...my consolation is that she wanted to leave her pain behind...and, she did. And, I helped her with that. The crying stops, you take some breaths and then keep going. Is someone going to have to go through this, too, because I am gone? God, I truly hope not--but, if they have to, I want them to know that I appreciate them prepping me for that journey...that's about all that you can do...nothing is ever ours to keep, except love and the memories of its warmth...I truly do believe that does go with you, when you part that curtain...

You did everything right and well....and you have a great heart, because you stayed and because you cared. This is a huge sea of humanity to suddenly find yourself alone in; my compensation is that someone got to depart from it, to find another place, more free and bright, than this one. You gave that gift, as well. If no one has thanked you for it, then I will: thank you for doing the right thing, out of love. You are a blessing!

[01harley in reply to 6ixtyon1]

I'm sorry it took so long to get back to you. That was a beautiful story,alot of what you felt I did to. So much caring and love. I know if I were passing my mom would never of left me alone. Sounds like yours wouldn't either. It was sad and wonderful at the same time. Thank you for sharing your story with me. I pray there are others out there that would do the same.

[6ixtyon1 in reply to 01harley]

We just need to keep looking up and forward, I think...I know that's what our moms would want us to do! Love and light to you, on your journey!