This is me

[SindeeRae]

I'm 39, I have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, bipolar with borderline personality disorder. I also have papillary cancer and had to have a full removal of my thyroid.

I have 3 children: a daughter who is 21, a daughter who's 15 and a son who's 12.

I find it difficult to keep control of my temper when I get upset or mad. I get destructive and irrational. Its a struggle to keep a place for us to live, because I don't have the motivation, nor energy to keep the house spic and span.

I struggle to meet my kids and my needs, because I can't find and keep a job that meets my needs.

[Rafi-]

Hey, you shouldn't feel guilty if your house isnt spic & span because houses are for free expression not great impression. I think you should start doing activities you love ; start loving yourself again . Just remember that nothing is worth it, your health is what matters while everything else is just tangible; it comes & goes but your health is not restorable .

[SindeeRae in reply to Rafi-]

The thing is, we live in housing. With the new owner, from what it sounds like to me, if they come in for any reason and it looks like its lived it, you have to deal with inspections every week, for x amount of time till you pass, or you're kicked out with no where to go. I feel better mentally when its picked up, even though it somehow feels odd as well, but I just don't have the energy, nor motivation to try and keep up with kids, especially I the summer. During school, its not as bad.

But Thank you

[SindeeRae]

Well someone has to be there for the kids; father sure isn't. I have to admit that there are times that I wish there was a decent, responsible, mature father to say hey this is going in, whats your thoughts, but yeah were better off stick into yourself than messing with the father.

[Windy101]

Tell yourself you will pick up or clean up three small things - maybe it will give you the motivation to do more, but if not, you'll be three ahead! Ask each of the kids to do just one and then you've got five things. If you can break it down into tiny pieces, it's not so hard. Even if it's not perfect, it's better than it was.

[Hidden]

This is a lot to be dealing with at one time. I agree with asking the children to help out around the house with some activities within reason. It will benefit everyone and take some interest in their lives.

[gogogirl]

Sorry about your medical problems. That must be very difficult.

[gogogirl in reply to gogogirl]

It's your turn to get support. Do you have any adult family members who can help you? It sure sounds like you have a lot of stress along with medical problems yet you keep going. I hope that your children can help even with some smaller chores like cleaning and even putting their lunches together for school. You need a breather!

[SindeeRae in reply to gogogirl]

Not really. Its always been my mom, my big sister and me. Couple years ago, Out of no where I've started making positive changes. All my life, I felt like I wasn't good for anything. I couldn't do anything right. I couldn't do no right, but my sister could do no wrong; my sister was perfect.

Well, when I realized I had made progress in my thinking, I don't spend time around my family as much. I still love them, but I don't want to be around that negative energy. I can put myself down just fine, I don't need anyone's help for that. They don't understand what I go through. My sister knows, but doesn't understand? She's an RN. I try not to ask for help, from anyone, but my kids and people that I feel put me down.

I gave up social life for the most part when I was pregnant with my second child, because I knew I would be trying to do it on my own. I'm one who's usually there for others, but don't want to bother others with my minor issues, because I don't want to bring others down all the time.

[SindeeRae in reply to gogogirl]

I just do the best that I can with what I have.

Not trying to be mean, but what gets me is I try and I am a very appreciative person, sometimes, I do need help I hate to admit it, but I'm able to for quite sometime now.

What gets my goat feathers is that I who tries and appreciates help, can't get certain help, but my neighbor, who doesn't try and seriously doesn't appreciate help, gets like 3 different programs coming to help her? It is what it is though. And this will either make me or break me.

This too, I'll survive