Anxiety and Depression Support
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Dealing with feeling of being the worst Step mom ever

I'm new here. I decided I needed to reach out to someone or I would just... I don't know. I've had anxiety and been diagnosed with perfectionism. Depression too. I've never been good enough. I have found a way to cope is to work really hard and to push myself constantly. I have no ways to deal with stress, other than cleaning the house. I'm getting older and find that even that is now hard to do as I hurt so badly the next day. I live with my fiance and his two kids. I've been here for 7 years and I know I've been hard on them. I have tried not to but I can't help myself. I try to ask nicely for things to be done like cleaning up the dishes or cat boxes, chores they know they are expected to do. But when it's not done, or forgotten after 5 years of this being their daily chores, I sometimes have a really hard time with it and explode. Or not explode but still have a hard time.

Today something came over me. My fiance's business is going bankrupt and I fear daily we will lose our house. I try to think it's okay, we'll be okay but the fear cripples me. Maybe that was it. But, my step daughter wasn't even around when I blew up and went crazy. However, late at night she was in her bathroom hysterically crying about being trapped and can someone please come and save her. I talked to her and shared my fears and what my problems are and she told me she doesn't feel good enough ever. This now adds to my feelings of being horrible ...thinking I caused this in her. It's my fault she feels this way. How can I live with myself being this way to her? To be so hard on these kids. She's 14. I have to have some hope that by hearing this and realizing this I can change in time to help her and stop hurting her like this. I don't know if it's the same for the boy who is 17 but I fear that it is. I feel like, even though I always thought I was the worst person possible now I know I am.

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