Is there hope?

I spent the past few weeks trying to make friends on Craigslist. Everyone stopped emailing or texting me after a couple of weeks. Am I such a freak I will never have friends or be wanted? I am 51 years old and I seem to suck the life out of everyone. I don't know who I am or who I want to be. I weigh over 300 lbs, I am not attractive and I am terrified I will never know love or intimacy.

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  • First of one must love ones self in order to love others. If you don't love yourself than sit and think what are the things I don't like about myself, can I change them. If you can then it would be good to start those changes slowly. Hopefully you can get better don't worry everything has its time.

  • What has helped me is to remember most people love to talk about themselves, as most of us are starved for someone to show any interest in us. I find "What do you do for fun?" is a good starting point, and then ask question to get them to tell you more about it Or if they watch TV or go to movies or read a lot, what do they like?

    Good luck, I know it's really hard.

  • Hi I had never heard of Craigslist so had a google. It doesn't seem to be a place where people make friends but rather pass the time of day in a casual manner.

    Are you in the UK? If so have you tried 'Meet up'? They are nationwide and seem to be a better bet to make friends. Or look for other groups in your area as there are bound to be some.

  • I didn't make any friends on Craig's List either, or eHarmony. And most people ignore my Facebook posts, so I think I understand how you feel. I have a lot of friendly acquaintances, but not much in the way of close friends--the ones I have are out of state, and it's almost totally email. I do appreciate the email, but it doesn't replace hanging out in person.

    I did have better luck with meet up groups, you might try some of those. If you have one person who can be a support buddy, either in person or phone or email, that is what I find to be the best help I can get, outside a therapist's office.

  • Thank you. I wonder all the time if I am able to sustain a relationship. And it hurts not feeling like I have a connection with anyone as my real self. Wish you lived close. You sound like someone I could grab a beverage with and talk. Don't drink coffee but prefer tea. I hope you are finding the source of support and comfort you ay be seeking or needing too.

  • Where do you live? I'm near Phoenix. I just found this website, and it really helps that someone actually answers me! I'm used to being just an acquaintance that people talk to if they see me, but seldom seek me out to talk to or do anything with.

    The people at the UU church I joined are friendly and I hope to get involved with a lot of things they do. I don't have a car, but have found rides many times from people I never met before, so that feels really good.

  • Are you in Phoenix, NY or Phoenix, AZ? I live in a small town called Wampsville, NY. I was involved with a local church but I find crowds difficult. And I always struggle with trying to present an image rather than being myself. Plus my fellow parishioners tried to encourage me to stay in a relationship with someone I am not sure I want to continue in. They would say that is what God wants. They don't know what happens behind closed doors. I do have a car because I am the primary earner in the household. I am the strong one who has to suck it up because everyone else is to weak or unwilling to do what needs to be done. I hope I don't come across as a jerk just a lot of pain behind life's experiences.

  • You're not too far from me...Syracuse here.

  • pHX AZ, didn't even know there was one in NY!

    Personally, i'd find another church. How is it they know what God wants, are they speaking to them and not to you? You can always tell the person you need to take a break for awhile and see how you feel. Of course, if you're living together, that is more difficult to make happen than if you aren't. God gave you a brain, I think He expects you to use it and be in charge of your life and what is good for you. Let the other people go live with this guy. LOL

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