Can't get over the past

Hello everyone, im new at all of this. I need help getting over my past. I am 25 yrs old. I and I have a problem with accusing my fiancé of cheating on me.

I went thru a very mentally, physically obsessive abusive relationship before I was with my current fiance. And yes I self medicated with pills and marijuana. But I've been over 9yrs clean!

Since I left him I found my fiance 7yrs ago. Everything was great and dandy. Some arguments over stupid stuff. (Bills etc.) we had a son everything was good. Had a great job, bought my first truck out of my pocket. Then in September 2014 I got pregnant with our second child. We were still happy. But then we got an offer to take over his parents house they were moving out of state. So of course who wouldn't want to go from paying 900$ a month to 250$. Absolutely!

So we moved. In October 2014 I lost my job. I hit rock bottom. Did change my clothes would move off the couch. Only fed my son. I barley ate even tho i was pregnant. Then he started acting suspicious not coming home till 12/1 am. Being weird. So I hacked his Facebook and found another girl. Who knew me, knew I was pregnant but still didn't care. So we fought and decided to break up. I went back to live with my parents and my son. I had no where else to go and no other option. We still spoke only about the kids and Dr apts. We went our separate ways. But still kept in touch. Needless to say karma got him good. He lost everything. But I was still there to comfort him. He ended up moving down the street from me with a neighbor and friend of both of us. We ended up getting closer and hanging out again.

On June 3 2015 our daughter was born. The girl of course dumped him after she found out everything but oh well dont stick your nose where it dont belong! Anyways we ended up getting back together around June 20th a day before our son 2nd birthday. And been together since. But all we do is fight and get mad at eachother. I hacked his FB again. Just out of curiosity to see if his being faithful. And so far yeah he has been but if I find requests from girl I delete them and I go thru and read all his messages. But he constantly deleting his searches and messages. Like hes trying to hide something and I comfort him about it but I get told im nuts and I need help. But really he doesn't do anything to cheat. He works and comes home to me and the kids. But he lost my trust when everything happened. So now im on my toes with everything. And hes constantly on his phone. It does drive me nuts and I know people need privacy but I can't not need to know.

So how do i go about stopping acussing him of cheating when I know hes not? My anxiety gets the best of me and I can't hold back but to start a fight. Over nothing to him but something to me. I don't know what else to do. My next option is going cave man and throwing everyone electronics away. If that the only way to get happy again I will. Thank you everyone! All comments will be appreciated!

4 Replies

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  • Hi you aren't the one with the problem he is. He is sending messages to girls and trying to hide it and the fact that he is behaving very suspiciously and deleting everything, to me shows he has something to hide. You are not nuts and this is a classic move to convince you that you are at fault when in fact he is! He is going on the offensive when he should be talking to you and behaving in a more adult manner.

    He has to work to earn your trust again and he clearly isn't doing this. The only hope I can see for your relationship is for him to stop being so evasive and to be open and honest with you. Of course you can't trust him when he is behaving like this.

    Have you thought of trying marriage counselling?

  • Yeah I have thought about counseling and I've talked to him about it but he Wont go. Im calling today for my self. But ill have to work on him to get him to go.

  • Good. I think you have to make him aware that if he doesn't that could be the end of your relationship. Make him aware of how serious this is.

  • Do you know why you went back to him? I'm not criticizing you , but you obviously don't trust him and he knows it and resents it. If you have truly forgiven him then you must tell him and mean it. Stop all the checking up etc. It will be hard,but if you don,t there is no point in being together.If he is sorry and wants to be with you believe him unless he says otherwise. If you think about it do you want to live your life like this? Giving up social media for a short time couldn't hurt ,but if someone wants to cheat they will. You are feeling vulnerable right now, but we all are anyway.Think about your kids and making a wonderful family for all of you and ask him to be part of that. That's where your focus goes, Pam

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