creeping in.

[blondebambi]

I dont believe that my anxiety is on the bad side of the spectrum, I know that others suffer more than me or maybe its not suffering its just a really hard feeling to deal with. Im not trying to offend anyone, Im just trying to talk this out.

My anxiety feeling, it tends to just sit around my heart, like my heart is incased in some weird force field. But its not the kind that protects... You know? I can feel my heart beat and its faster than usual. The funny thing is I cant seem to calm it down. Its going a million miles a minute and Im sitting down watching tv, not having moved for a straight 20 minutes. This feeling makes me want to cry, its SO subtle though. It creeps up on me in the worst of moments. It makes me want to accuse everyone of being disloyal to me...

I know healthy distractions are good tools to help ease of the feeling of doom... but Im just not motivated... Its like your motivation voice should be screaming from the top of a damn mountain; yet my voice is just shyly whispering words of praise from 5 feet away and I can barely hear it...

I guess it all stems from feeling like Im doing all this work to help myself... yet everyone I love around me is doing nothing... That is probably not a fair judgment at all... But I needed to vent it...