Hi from a newbie

[FightingtheGoodFight]

I'm a college sophomore, 19, and struggling a lot. Although I haven't been formally diagnosed, some days I feel like high-functioning depression is the only way to describe myself. I was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 5. I have been doing reasonably well without medication since quitting it at 10, but ever since I started college things have steadily escalated. I have had days when all I wanted to do was go to sleep and not wake up, and staying in class is often an exercise in sheer willpower, even though I love school and learning.

Although I am not suicidal, I have struggled with self-harm of many varieties. For the last month especially, I have been fighting the urge to self-harm almost daily, but no matter how I try to distract myself or stay productive, the urges keep persisting. I don't want to hurt myself, but I don't know how to stop the thoughts. Does anyone have any advice?

[spedteach]

Hi! Fighting the Good Fight! You sound a lot like me when I was in college. Such very hard days indeed. I like how you put that going to class is like an exercise in will power. I remember those days quite well. My freshman year in college I attempted suicide. I then left college and went into the hospital system. It took me awhile to get back. When I got back I was self-injurous a great deal. It really sucked. I did a variety of ways too, but cutting was the most I did. I had depression since I was about 12 and so that is different in our struggles. My best advice is to get rid of ANYTHING that you can self harm with. I know that this is hard to do, but that is what helped me stop. i also got a counselor that was invested in me and who I highly trusted. Do you go to a counselor at college? I know that I had some college counselors that were really quite good and who I remained friends with for years. How is your family? Are they supportive? Do you have a good friend system? These are also very important to have. When you feel the urge to self-hurt do something that you enjoy like watching a movie. I know that this can even be hard to do. I am a major Disney fan and so I watch Beauty and the Beast or others when I am struggling. You need to know that you are WORTH FIGHTING FOR. I am SpedTeach on here if you ever need to chat. God Bless! Also, if you do have the faith then rely on God for he will get you through any struggles. He has for me over the years.

[FightingtheGoodFight in reply to spedteach]

Thanks for the reply...and actually, I took my profile name from St. Paul, because I always want to remember that every day I persevere and try to fulfill God's will, I am Fighting the Good Fight, the fight for my well being, happiness, and the good of others. And it helps lift my spirits a little more to remember that even though I may think my life is pointless sometimes and I don't amount to much, that God sees me and my struggles and is always willing to help.

[AmandaMK]

Hi I'm a fellow newbie. I just wanted to let you know you're not alone. I am in a very similar situation and I'm the same age too. For me I'm worried the depression I've had is returning. It's painful and I hate every second I feel this way. College is hard on me as well. I'm on medication which I might be increasing due to my situation. If it works for you maybe its worth a try. I also have a therapist to consult these things with. I'm in no place to tell you what to do but I wish you the best and I hope things get better.

[Marquis784]

Hello! I'm sorry to hear that you are experiencing increased stress and anxiety. The ADHD adds a new dimension to your life. My son is 13 years old and has reported positive results with his medication. He still has anxiety and other "issues" but going to therapy and his meds helps a lot. I think that sometimes we have to do what's going to work whether that be meds or not. He didn't want to take meds but once he did he was able to focus which decreased some of his anxiety. Being in college is a major stressor in itself! Seek counseling and get some advice as to what might help you. Sometimes we just can't do it alone.