Giving up and moving forward

I have been with my husband for 16 years, for the past eight years I have been trying to manage my husband depression and anxiety. I love him, but I'm not in love with him. I miss the confident, charming, attentive man I feel in love with. Now I live my two teenage kids and a man who is in himself. He drinks a six pack nightly, sleep for days, and helps very little with the kids. He has gone through many jobs that now he works for his father. Which sometimes he goes to work and sometimes not.

We have been to counseling, he didn't see the benefit and stop. He was going to someone and they gave him mess but he stops.

The issue is three weeks ago I snap, I reached my breaking point. I guess because I lost patience and the ability to manage his depression. I let go and asked for a divorce. I'm sad hurt and I feel like I let him, our kids and our vows down. Yet I have this weight off my shoulder.

Have I done the wrong thing? Is there a support group that I can get help and advice. How can I help him, help himself?

2 Replies

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  • Oh dear, I am sorry you are going through this.

    There is no easy answer. I left my husband 5 years ago. Like you said I wasn't in love with him, he was drinking a lot. He lost his good job. I had tried everything to try and help him, get him to help himself. It didn't work. Self destruction on his part. I couldn't carry on. He was destroying me. I had no mental energy left.

    I don't think what you have done is bad. You really have nothing left for him. All of your efforts are for nothing. We are not miracle workers. We do not have an endless supply of mental stamina.

    Like you said people have to help themselves, but how long can we wait for people to do that?

    You have to do what is right for you, and your children.

    You could have a trial separation and see how that goes.

    I feel for you and I'm sending you a big hug. Only you know when enough is enough.

    Go easy on yourself.

    Your husband will either change or he will not but you must not get ill and be destroyed in the process.

    Best wishes 💗

  • often times our special ppl dont know there being a certain way it my just seem like just another day but if someone knows and dosent try and do the right thing then thats a big problem

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