Difficult day today but not giving up

At times I get a trigger that takes me back to when I was a kid where I felt dirty and shameful and unloveable. It felt so intense growing up and I know my struggles now are linked to it. Im in one of those times now. Im struggling and feeling its hard to just exist with myself. Ive felt very paralysed today.

I know its not true though, I know Im not horrible and shameful. I know its my past talking. Really I am just as valuable as everyone else, just as important as everyone else, just as good as anyone else and I know I should be as happy as I want everyone else to be. Im just struggling with the harsh feelings thats all that challenge all these things I know to be true.

Im slowly getting back up. Im also trying not to be hard on myself for struggling as I know that is not helpful. We need to work with our abilities when we are struggling and we are like plants. Plants can only take in nutrients and grow to the extent possible for any given moment in time. Growth cannot be forced. Just as a plant needs time and tenderness to grow, so do we.

[13ga]

wow CB -

you did my reply to yourself for me!!!

now - take our advise!!

also - get out of the past! i know you know after 'my' reply - you can't live in the past. so follow 'our' advice, and get in the now! now is the only now you can live....

were you living the now that just past while reading this???

wait - DON'T answer that!! - get out of that past 'then' - and get into this NOW!

now live!

dam - 'we' good!!!

👍😀

[Grateful71]

So true. It's really good that you recognise that your thoughts are about a past that can't be changed. Like you some days are hard and bring down our mood but I hope it won't last for you 😊🙏

[Operalady]

Hello CUDDLY BEAR. I AM REACHING OUT TO you ! I understand how you feel! I also went through many traumatic events growing up! One in particular when I feel horrible, abandoned and lost my sense of self esteem when I was 17. First true deep sense of depression that I felt separated from my friends. I always was outgoing good sense of self but then due to having an abortion and seeing my boyfriend driving around with other girls in his car ripped my self esteem away. I was humiliated and shamed in front of my friends! I felt fat, ugly, and worthless. I lost my gregarious Personality! Became paranoid too and terribly painfully Devastated! I could never express to him how he made me feel. I bottled it all up and got sucker and sicker . I had nothing to say I lost my personality! After years of therapy I became better but. That terrible state can still come and drowned me30 Year’s later! So I hear you! Please talk all this our with a therapist get it’s roots in the daylight so your mind can help you continue healing. Group therapy is great too no secrets out in the openwith a group of people!

[Hidden in reply to Operalady]

Im sorry you went through that and youve struggled so much

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Im glad things got somewhat better (although I know youre not fully healed).Yes I need to talk. Just difficult.

[Sleeplessme]

Isn't it just messed up when we know the answers, we just struggle to work with them. Anxiety keeps knocking me back for the slightest of reasons and its taking me longer and longer to fight it off these days.

[Hidden in reply to Sleeplessme]

We cant help it. We can only heal at the rate our make up allows us to. If we were to just quickly heal after every time we get low we wouldnt be human. We wouldnt have feelings and thoughts. Its ok that it takes time.

Maybe I am able to think positively despite our sadness because I genuinely believe that everyone will one day be ok and happy. It gives me perspective. I know not everyone has this faith but I believe it very much. I think it helps me alot not to panic or get frustrated in the meantime even though I can feel very hurt and paralysed at times. 🦋🌻🌼🐅🐕🐈

[Sleeplessme in reply to Hidden]

I wish I could keep that faith that you have. The longer time goes on the less faith I have. Life continues to get more difficult, with less relief. The blind faith of hoping that tomorrow will be the day that my life changes for the best is all but gone. And yes, we should fight for what we want not expect it to fall in our laps, but when you keep fighting but still slip further back...

[Sleeplessme in reply to Sleeplessme]

Sorry to bring it down, just having a particularly bad moment myself. Keep that faith my friend because it's the best tool you can have 🙂

[Hidden in reply to Sleeplessme]

Its ok, you cant bring me down. My faith is very solid. Its not going anywhere I promise. My faith isnt blind but is based on what I believe to be sound logic. I will talk to you about why I am so sure if you like?

[Sleeplessme in reply to Hidden]

Sorry didn't mean to imply that your faith was blind, I was just generalising. I'd be happy to hear how you can be so sure though, I need some positivity!

[Hidden in reply to Sleeplessme]

I know you was just generalising, I didnt take it personally. I just wanted to let you know that your struggles to think positively about the future doesnt change the truth of what I believe thats all.