Moving forward

[Cam49]

Hi everyone! I suffer from Generalized Anxiety Disorder or GAD. My question is why can’t I get over past relationships? The last one was several years ago but I kick myself for not making it work. The reality was he was using me and lied constantly! He was living with someone the whole time as well. Why would I miss him at all?! I did in fact dump him and he married the girl. I’m married to a wonderful man now but can’t get past all this. Does anyone know what I can do to change this? Maybe, from your personal experience? I’ve always agonized over breakups for years. Since my dating life began actually.

[langedechu]

sorry to hear about him. i know exactly how you feel. i was in a long distance relationship and was constantly unsure if my boyfriend was cheating on me or lying about things he told me. i still think about him sometimes, but when I do, it's always like, wow, he was such a shit, why did you love him? and to be honest, my situation is a little different here, because he could have actually meant the things he was saying and he could have actually loved me but I would never know, if that makes sense. the first step towards moving forward is realizing that it's in the past and there's nothing you can do to change it now. then find outlets like hobbies or other people that can help you move forward and occupy yourself until you feel better or move on.

[Cam49 in reply to langedechu]

Thank you for taking the time to reply. I agree with you on every point. I need to remember that he knew what he was doing and didn’t care. I’m worth more than that.

[langedechu in reply to Cam49]

you for sure are. you deserve better. if you ever want to talk about something let me know and we can work through it. you got this x

[Cam49 in reply to langedechu]

Thank you so much! I’ll keep that in mind.

[langedechu in reply to Cam49]

anytime

[Afrohair]

It sounds so sad but damaging my ex never got over me and still hasent 7 years down the line I've moved on with 2 kids to someone else he actually resulted in stalking me it got so bad my circumstances sounds terrible but I'm trying to get to the bottom of those feelings you have .the only thing I ever wish is that he would move on and get on with his life it's damaged him (though he was never really correct mentally)though my situation is different I really want him to not dwell after all this time you can't change the past I hate he has these feelings and I'd wish for you to forget about it too and maybe speak to someone those feelings are damaging but that's just my opinion my experiences are far off what you have

[Cam49 in reply to Afrohair]

I’m sorry I didn’t respond sooner. I read through your response and I get it. I wish I could just get over the break up and never look back. I just can’t reason my way out of my thoughts. But for me, I feel such a great loss and feel that if I hadn’t made “all those mistakes” I wouldn’t have lost him. I often wonder why I care about and want him in my life if I know he is such a hurtful person. I’m just so sad about it. Thank you for taking the time to respond. I appreciate everyone so much.

[Afrohair in reply to Cam49]

My ex begged on his knees for me back (literally) Even when I had a new partner who is now my fiancé .and it started to feel strange his emotions range from jealousy to anger to being nice again Just so he can have that glimpse of being in my life again but because of all these emotions to me I feel nothing but hate towards him I hate that he won't get on with his life because it destroys mine and he keeps trying to get back in has gone to the point of trying to befriend family and my partner which they say is very wierd and they don't want anything to do with him at the same time he has threatened to kill my fiancé.thats why I think you must find a way to just forget your sounds like you keep out of contact but my ex keeps trying to pop up I keep blocking him from social media and there has been about 30 blocked accounts on my block list with his name and sometimes he comments which I delete at least in your situation he may not know you have these feelings x

[Cam49 in reply to Afrohair]

No, he has no idea because I keep my feelings inside. I’m sorry yours has gone this far. It’s become a danger to you and he needs help. I don’t think what I’m feeling is healthy at all. I think I can walk away from this. What you have shared has really made me think. I know what I have to do. Pam4him gave me a good idea that I think will work.

[pam4him]

Okay, bear with this idea for a moment. What if you had a funeral for the relationship? It could be a letter you write saying goodbye, then safely burn it as a symbolic way of letting go. It worked for me with a hurtful relationship, so maybe it will work for you. Prayers for release and peace.

[Cam49 in reply to pam4him]

That’s a good idea and thank you for telling me. I will try and see if it brings closure.