Finding the will to live

I've been struggling with this feeling for almost a year now. I self referred myself to the NHS talking therapies and was put on a waiting list I never heard back from. And the initial chat was great and emotional -- I've been struggling to come to terms with whats been happened in my life, chronologically I've never done that until that point. He recommended CBT and I am waiting for help. Everytime I get to this stage every week I recognise my need for help but get lost in the idea that help isn't available. My boyfriend is the only person in my life that truly understands what I've been going through. But only in these horrible cycles it's him who gets the brute end of it all. I find myself going from a place of contentment, happiness and fulfilment to the complete 180 a couple days later. It's a constant battle with myself and what feels like something that won't end. I would never commit suicide but I feel as though everyone and everything would be better without me. I don't know what else to do. I've gone out to seek help but i'm still lost, confused, anxious, down, depressed.. someone I don't want to be but someone who is all those things.

3 Replies

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  • Self help books and meditation apps definitely helped me to manage my anxiety and depression.

  • sounds like you might benefit from seeing a neuropsychiatrist like I do.

    I was always happy, content and at peace with myself so i went off my meds thinking i was cured.

    But somehow still struggled with depression, anxiety, panic attacks. I didn't understand it at all because I always believed all those problems had something to do with sadness, a low sense of self self stress. I had none of those to complain of. Eventually, I started having suicidal thoughts and that was when I new it was serious, and checked myself into the hospital. I was puzzled that someone with no issues in their life, except for the usual things, could still end up struggling with depression for no reason, anxiety and random panic attacks all for no real reason.

    anyways, i consider that experience in the hospital an awesome vacation, an entire week of being served and doing nothing, it was awesome.

    now i am back on my meds and back to being able to enjoy my life again. And back to seeing my neuropsychiatrist again. Won't get off those meds again.

  • Hi well you have done all the right things in seeking help from your doctor and coming in here and talking to us so well done.

    Unfortunately NHS counselling these days is severely limited and the waiting time can be very long. If you can afford it go for private counselling rather than keep on waiting. If not I would go back to your doctor and explain how you are feeling and ask her/him to speed things up a bit.

    I agree to try the self help route in the meantime. Stay with us and we will help and support you all we can. Let us know how you get on please.

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