I've been struggling with this feeling for almost a year now. I self referred myself to the NHS talking therapies and was put on a waiting list I never heard back from. And the initial chat was great and emotional -- I've been struggling to come to terms with whats been happened in my life, chronologically I've never done that until that point. He recommended CBT and I am waiting for help. Everytime I get to this stage every week I recognise my need for help but get lost in the idea that help isn't available. My boyfriend is the only person in my life that truly understands what I've been going through. But only in these horrible cycles it's him who gets the brute end of it all. I find myself going from a place of contentment, happiness and fulfilment to the complete 180 a couple days later. It's a constant battle with myself and what feels like something that won't end. I would never commit suicide but I feel as though everyone and everything would be better without me. I don't know what else to do. I've gone out to seek help but i'm still lost, confused, anxious, down, depressed.. someone I don't want to be but someone who is all those things.