Um, I don't know how to start this, but I really need help. I just need some sort of advice or guidance and I'm tired of being to paranoid to ask for the help I've been seeking since I was eleven. I'm seventeen now and I honestly don't know what to do anymore. If I explain my story can someone please help me?....It all started when I was six years old and fabricated a fear of the dark. There was a nightlight just outside my door to help me see better, but when I had asked my grandmother if I could bring it into my room because it was dark and I was scared, she would just yell at me to go to sleep and then turn out the night light. I was constantly afraid, not of the monsters under my bed or in the closet, but by the people outside of the house that could possibly break in and try to kill me or my older sister. This paranoia created reoccurring nightmares and I would always wake up screaming, crying, and I'd break out in a cold sweat. I always thought the nightmares were real because they looked and felt so real. every time I would wake up I would have to search throughout the house for any signs of blood or any signs of a break in and I'd have to check to see if my sister and grandmother were okay. This has always terrified me and the nightmares I had caused me to continue to stay up for two to three days on end. I desperately tried to keep myself awake in order to not have the nightmares again, but I always crash and then they occur again, even worse than the last one. Recently I've been getting the nightmares that woke me up screaming back and it's terrifying because I hate it. It's caused me to become depressed and I even started self harming at the age of ten. I don't know what to do anymore. I recently stopped cutting last year, but I still have the urges to relapse. This paranoia is so bad that I can't do anything by myself. I'm just tired of not getting the help I've been asking for. I need help and I've tried talking to my mother about it, but she just told me that I was fine and that I needed to suck it up because I'm being a crybaby. But she doesn't understand, because she never listens properly. I was asking for help so I could have somebody listen, but she never does. I want to have someone listen and tell me that nothing's wrong with me, I want to know that I'm not the only one going through something like this. I want help so I can stop being afraid. I'm tired of it all. I'm tired of not being able to get five feet away from my front door without frantically searching my surroundings. I'm tired of not being able to walk my dogs without glancing back and forth every five seconds to see if there's someone following me. I'm tired of watching cars pass by and standing still holding my breath because I'm too terrified that the car's going to stop and take me with it. I'm so terrified and I can't do anything about it. I'm tired of having constant panic attacks. I'm tired of getting scared every time I hear a noise when I'm the only one in the house that's awake. I'm tired of being the only one up in the house at three am because I couldn't sleep. I'm tired of staying awake two to three days at a time before crashing on my living room floor for two hours. I'm tired of lying to my friends when they ask me if I'm okay. I want them to know the truth but I'm scared of how they'll react. I'm just so terrified and I'm tired of the paranoia, of the depression, of the panic attacks, of the resurfacing thoughts of self harm. I'm just tired and I am too scared to go to my guidance counselor because then she'd just contact my mother and my mother would talk to me about how I need to stop acting this way because it's embarrassing her and she's disappointed. I just need someone to help, I've been waiting too long and I want it to stop.