In the days leading up my daughter's school presentation, the anxiety was off the charts. I would get phone calls throughout the day and night, and it got to the point that all I could do was listen. Most of the time I listened to her breath and sometimes I had to ask if she was still there. Sometimes, she had gotten a few minutes of much needed sleep. She didn't want to hang up even if there wasn't more to say. I suggested things that have helped me and still help me with anxiety. I have my "go to" songs that help me feel like I can conquer anything. The songs are great even though the feeling often suddenly disappears when the music stops. Then, it's time to put the music on repeat until the words are stuck in my head. Sometimes, I need that motivation and encouragement. I love inspirational quotes. I print them out and place them on my mirrors. I look at myself and read the quotes...it does help pull it all together when I truly need the composure.
On the day of the presentation (yesterday), her nerves were shot and mine were too. I wanted it to be over just as much as she did. Well ,if things can go wrong, they do. This wasn't right and that wasn't right. The presentation room had changed and printer didn't work. I felt my heart racing too. I sometimes ask myself if anxiety attacks are contagious? If I allow myself to get caught up in the moment, I guess they can be. I told her I needed to do something for work and she let me go. I looked at the clock..it was time for her to present in front of the group. I imagined that the only thing she could hear was her heartbeat. I could imagine she was trembling as she often does. But, I still knew that it would be alright. Two hours later, she called. She survived the nightmare. Her voice was normal, thank God. I didn't ask her to talk about it. I know that even talking about the experience could trigger anxiety. I know she will talk when she is ready. When she is ready to talk, I am ready to listen.
Another hurdle conquered. Breath in, breath out and repeat. Today is going to be a lovely day!