Someone

Hey. I'm just going to first say I don't have anyone close I can talk to. I find it hard to trust anyone.

Now here I am, in my room on my birthday sobbing like an idiot. I just don't have good memories affiliated with my birthday anymore, I freaking hate myself. And because of me everything that was planned today isn't going to happen. Because of me we aren't going out for dinner. Because of me my mom doesn't get to see me open the things she got me. And because of me my mom is blaming my dad and my dad is blaming my mom. Because of me they're yelling at each other. Because of me my dad drove off and my mom locked herself in her room. And all I'm doing is sitting here crying. Why am I like this?

I'm sick of feeling like this. I'm sick of hating myself. I don't want to be here anymore. I just don't want to feel like this anymore. I hate myself so much.

7 Replies

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  • Hi there, I was just sitting here in my room alone trying to collect my thoughts n focus on things I need to get together, n I ran across ur post. Firstly, Happy Birthday! !! N secondly, u shouldn't and u don't have to feel alone. I know u don't know me, but if want a friendly, non judgmental, sincere, over -standing ear, let me know. Am 36 year mother of 2 awesome lil boys. Praying for ya, n PS, "IT AIN'T OVER" GOD HAS DA FINAL SAY!" Que

  • Thank you so much for your response and taking time out of your day to write on my rant haha, I'm so sorry I was so late to reply. Thank you so much for your support despite how busy you must be. Luckily the day ended on a better note, so in general it was an okay day. :) I'm so glad there's a community like this so willing to offer help

  • Hi Bluebird,

    I wonder why are you blaming yourself for all the things that are wrong today?

    Are you really to blame or is there something else going on?

    If you want to talk I'm here for awhile. Or maybe later? Just give it a try and I'll answer when I can. How about that?

  • A belated Happy Birthday to you.

    BonnieSue is correct, the first thing that came to mind is why are you totally to blame? Mom and Dad went at it and one locked in a room and the other took off, as Bonnie said, is there more going on than you see? Each blaming the other and you blaming yourself. Try to look beyond and see what is there.

    Everyone is here to listen and possibly offer some help, it is only a keyboard away.

    Hugs

  • Thank you so much for your response Photog, and you are correct, in the end my parents were arguing about how my day was, but also apparently arguing about whether to get a normal cake or an icecream cake haha. I am very sorry I didn't respond sooner, everyone here is so kind and I am very thankful for all of the support. Luckily the day ended better than it started, thank you so much for taking your time to help

    Hugs!

  • Hello BonnieSue, I am so sorry for such a delayed response. It was a really rough day, and I just felt horrible with everyone making their plans around my schedule to end up having a breakdown in my room. Luckily the day ended on a better note, I forced myself out of my blanket fort and opened up to my friend. It was an emotional day, but I am so thankful for all of the amazing responses and support from total strangers. Thank you so much for taking your time to write a response, and again I'm very sorry for the delayed reply

  • Bluebird, hope you are doing ok. Remember you are very valuable and mean a lot to those around you and and honestly, everyone. You matter!!

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