I have no idea

I feel like my depression slowly snuck out of me out of no where.... My mom has always been one of the reason why when I was little I could cry and feel like the ugliest fat girl alive.... she always tells me to change my body, hair color, how I do my makeup she always criticize me....everytime I do something she always seems to be disappointed.... she's never proud of me... my dad thinks I'm a hoe... everytime we argue he always says "go be that fucking alcoholic drug addicted whore" my addiction or distraction went to the point where I couldn't even think, I was literally shaking, pulling my hair, crying having panic attacks...... my ex that everyone in my family loves but little do you know that the only reason I got away from him was because he used to hit me everytime he would get mad.... they always say "and that's why he felt you, you could never make him happy your a mess look at you your pathetic if you can't keep a man then you can't keep shit" and look at me in disappointment...... I had sex with one guy and I became the biggest hoe in the family.....don't get me started with school..... I just feel like I'm just a waste......

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  • Good grief!!! What a toxic family you have! Run, don't walk, away from them and find some healthy relationships! You can't pick your relatives but you can pick your friends. You probably won't pick really good friends while you still have the toxic programming your family put in your mind, but after a year or 2 of good counseling you should be able to pick some decent friends who will treat you as you should be treated.

    You DO NOT deserve the garbage your family says to you and about you. You shouldn't believe them. This may be hard to believe but it's true. You need to get rid of this negative programming from your family. It's all lies. They are very messed up themselves and are mistreating you. Actually the term is abuse. They have been abusing you for years. You need to keep your distance from them because they are sick themselves and it will always hurt you to hear the abusive things they say unless they go through years of counseling themselves and experience significant healing. Only then are they somewhat safe to be around. You'll have to be the judge in that case.

    You need to find a really good counselor ASAP. Be very careful, ask around for a very good one. Please don't skip this crucial recommendation. You need intense counseling for a long time...think how long you've been programmed with this garbage from your family. This has to be undone. It won't happen overnight. Some counselors offer fees with a sliding scale if money is a problem. Some are attached to churches and also have lower fees. Ask around. A licensed Mental Health Counselor can help you (LMHC) and doesn't charge as much as a psychologist (PHD).

    You deserve to be treated as a decent human being, not someone to be insulted and put down. You are as good as anybody else. You have value as God's creation and are created in his image. IN HIS IMAGE. Just like him. Even if you don't believe in God, you are conceived and born as a new creation and the same as anybody else. You deserve to be treated as anybody else. You were an innocent child and deserved to be sheltered and loved and nurtured into adulthood. Your talents and skills should have been developed and encouraged. Does this sound like your life? I doubt it. This should show you how far off the normal and ideal your life has been and none of this is your fault. NONE of it. It's the fault of those who were supposed to raise you and love you appropriately.

    I think you know this in your heart. I'm just clarifying it for you. If you ever doubt yourself, think about these things. Think how different your life has been from how it should have been. Then you'll want to keep on doing what is needed to heal yourself, no matter how tough it gets. If you ever want to talk to me privately you can send me a private message. I don't mind. You might just need encouragement to keep going or a reminder that you're really okay or maybe you're feeling down about yourself. Whatever you need, I will listen and write back to you. Best of luck to you and blessings.

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