ADHD has ruined my life once. I won't let it do it twice.

[BigGinger420]

I'm 35 years old and I have severe ADHD. I don't know that much about it to be honest. I was diagnosed with it as a kid and again by my therapist recently. It keeps me from a desk job. It's made me hyper sexual and it was the cause of immense amounts of shame being thrown at me by my parents which caused a co dependency disorder. I'm learning how to navigate my new information about myself and my therapist recommended this support group. I'm hoping to meet people like myself and gain collective wisdom! Love you speedy heads!

[RoseZen]

You are definitely not alone in this! It’s so great that you’re here and reaching out to others for support—it’s truly a day-by-day process, and it’s okay to take things one step at a time. Some things that have really helped me are using sticky notes for reminders, incorporating yoga into my routine for mental clarity, and organizing tasks with Todoist. These small tools can make a big difference when it feels overwhelming. Keep going, and remember, this journey is about progress, not perfection. We’re all in this together! I'm new to the support group too

[BigGinger420 in reply to RoseZen]

Thank you so much for your kind words. Seriously it's so nice to come back here and have support. Bless you! Keep on doing your best everyday! That's all we can do!

[STEM_Dad]

Welcome to the forum!

This is one of my favorite ADHD communities, and I've joined a few (noted in my bio). The support, engagement, and info sharing in this group is pretty good.

Feel free to ask questions, share your perspective, and search for info in the older posts here.

[Zilmita]

Welcome to the club. I was diagnosed with ADHD/Learning Disability, and slightly Dylexsia when I was 6 years old. I've also been shamed into co-dependancy. Society just doesn't want us to succeed in the way(s) that we want to. We just want to be normal like everyone else. Pay our own bills with our own money, buy our own car, etc. Jut know that you're not alone.

[BigGinger420 in reply to Zilmita]

Woof this just about made me cry! I totally agree!! I used to just absolutely despise myself because I couldn't focus like other people, even when I was desperately trying to! It used to make my dad who's solid as a rock sooooo mad. He felt he was failing and that I was just being stubborn. So far from the truth. My mom saw this and basically did everything for me for most of my life. I've been learning how destructive that can be and attempting to set boundaries. I'm honestly kinda terrified of it, but super hopeful too. It's a nauseous feeling of happiness that I'm finally working on it and depression because it took me so long to start...

[Zilmita in reply to BigGinger420]

Yup. I've tried to get my mom to let me be more independent but she doesn't seem to want me too. I know society is going to be a bit harsh with me. No doubt about that. But, if I'm to be more of an adult she's going to have to let me. My parents aren't going to be around for ever you know. I do have an older brother but, he's got his own family and problems of his own. He dosen't need another mouth to feed or person to take care of. This is why I wanted to study theatre and not education. Not that I don't like working with kids. I do, it's just that it doesn't pay that well, the benefits aren't that great, plus there are tons of quality teachers leaving the industry because of this. Also, because of the long hours of making lesson plans, parent/teacher meetings, work shops (that are mandatory), etc. Also, now and days it's even harder to teach because teachers aren't being allowed to(as much as the used to be) to teach in creative ways so that all their students can understand wha they're teaching.

[Vicster111]

Hiya and welcome. This group is so helpful. I was only diagnosed last year at 47 yo. I always thought I had something far wrong with me, always told I'm lazy, could do better, over sensitive, erratic and all the rest. It takes so much out of you and has a massive impact on your confidence and self worth. I'm just building that back up now. My medication helps with emotional disregulation and focus. I've done so much reading into ADHD. I take a load of supplements too which I think all helps. I actually feel a lot better about myself just knowing that I'm not a total lunatic and there was a reason for my behaviours. I'm just now starting to say to people, no I can't do that or not in that way. People say they understand but it always turns out they don't really. I have a great relationship with my parents and they do try to understand but a big thing for me is getting asked to do something last minute, no matter if it's big or small, I freeze, panic and it puts me in a really bad mood. Even something like can you pick milk up at the shop on your way(I know that sounds trivial) but if I've not planned to do it then it just throws me right off. I've had to keep saying to my mum or brother sorry I can't, please give me more notice of things even if they're small. I mean, I will try go to the shops for milk haha but don't beat myself up anymore if I can't face it. I don't feel as bed saying to people sorry no. But I do explain why its hard for me and show then videos or literature to try and explain it. I've had so many jobs but finally found one that suits my adhd, still struggle and need adjustments but it's just trying to find things that work for you. A good sleep routine has helped me too, it does make a difference. I've went through so many abusive relationships, feeling I deserved it or it was my fault or I wasn't good enough. Since being on my elvanse I've been single and loving it! I don't feel that need to fit in or that desperation to be loved. So far no limmerance either, I'm not even sure I've ever really been in love. I just form these obsessive attachments to a person then in time wears off and I'm not even sure I like them. First time in my life I've not felt that way and I feel content. For anyone who struggles to sleep this war and peace will help you out hahaha I find this is a great forum to share how you feel without judgement and get some good advice too 😊

[MatureCreativeL]

I don't believe "emotional dysregulation" itself is a symptom of ADHD. I think other kinds of abuse can do it, being abused by a parent for not "acting correctly" which is what happened to me and helps me stay in dysthymia(continual low level depression,).

[Vicster111 in reply to MatureCreativeL]

That's interesting and had me thinking about my whole life for a while there. What do you make of RSD? I struggle with both but I believe my medication helps me with both of these things and reduces my anxiety. After giving it some thought I would probably disagree with you on some level. I would never considered myself abused as a child. As an adult, hell yeh! But that's what I went back to think about and I think I've suffered with both these symptoms before I was an adult who was ever in an abusive relationship. I think some people with adhd are affected due to different structures in part of the brain. But, I agree with you in some respects, as I think adhd or not abuse can cause this and also intensify it. I know as the years went on and after extremely abusive relationships both of these symptoms have increased and it's only now I'm more effectively dealing with them. I am not as sensitive, I still don't like rejection or criticism but it doesn't have quite the same impact, my emotions aren't as erratic. I just feel more stable in general.......wow I never thought I'd be able to say them words! Thanks for the reply, love something that makes me think and I shall now go and find information relating to these things directly for the next two hours. My meds don't stop me hyper focusing on ANY topic I find interesting.

[Bbiiigggg]

I noticed the hyper sexual sympton being linked to testosterone levels, as you get older your test will naturally drop and you may find this eases significantly. You're in the age range for test levels to start, to noticeably drop, worth researching?

[Mamamichl]

welcome! I’ve been here a while, and I’m so glad you found us, and love this group too. If you’re looking for learning more about your conditions from people first hand, try these you tube channels and their corresponding books: how to ADHD (book by same name), the holderness family (book is ADHD is awesome), and adhd_love (books are dirty launder and small talk). What’s awesome is they actually do their own audiobook version.

[Soton4ever]

I can relate to the shame. Being impulsive made me do and say a lot of things that led to the adults making me ashamed of who I was. I never thought I was worth the same as others. In my 30s it got a lot better and it keeps getting better. I still struggle to take initiative and because of that I don't have many close friends. But I have met a wonderful man, lived together for almost 5 years and he has a lot of friends who now also are my friends. Hope things get better for you too!