ADHD is ruining my life :(

[PeanutRN]

I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 5. I also had a lot of impulse activity. Like hurting people and Not realizing I was going to hurt them until they were hurt. Very apologetic after I heard them. I thought it went away until I went back to college and can concentrate on any lecture. That’s when I got put on meds. Now that I’m 45 and divorced 3 times and just broke up with my girlfriend for the 20th time in 2 years. Drinking makes everything Intensified. Took Dexedrine from the age of six until I was 14. But on Adderall for the last nine years. Until I became a nurse at the age of 33 are used to self medicate with marijuana and alcohol. I don’t smoke weed anymore. Until I became a nurse at the age of 33 are used to self medicate with marijuana and alcohol. I don’t smoke weed anymore. Thinking I may need new meds. Definitely need to quit drinking. Feel like I’m losing my mind. I used to work a lot of overtime because that’s the only time I felt normal. Until I was working 65 hours a week as a Covid nurse. Now I can barely sleep at night. I haven’t worked overtime since Covid Was at its peak. Just really need help. I’ve been talking to a regular counselor for months and all he talks about is how I feel and how my week was and never gives me tips or advice. He thinks I’m bipolar in need to check myself into U of M hospital. It’s like talking to a friend. Most of the time I can have a few beers and everything is OK. But it seems like every month Or every other month I have to get so drunk that I don’t even know where I’m at. I usually start a fight with my girlfriend so I can leave and go get that drunk. Especially holidays so that I can go out on the lake with my friends and get wasted. Especially holidays so that I can go out on the lake with my friends and get wasted. I would never want her to see me that way. She’s about to give up on me. She wants me to check myself into a hospital because my therapist recommended it , but I don’t think I’m that bad.. Just need a specialist to help me find the right meds. Just picking for straws. I’m very desperate.

[lovelylight]

I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time. And yes, everything has been amplified by Covid-19. As a healthcare worker you've been under tremendous stress, on top of everything else you "normally" deal with. It's good you are searching for help and new ideas.

I wanted to reach out to you with some support and encouragement, even though I am just learning about ADHD myself.

From what you've said, it sounds like you could benefit from working with a therapist, coach, and/or psychologist who specializes in ADHD. I think people need treatment that considers all the ways ADHD affects them -- from a holistic viewpoint -- because ADHD is a 24 hr a day condition with a lot of interconnected effects and symptoms. Problems with sleep can exacerbate all other symptoms. Difficulties with emotional regulation can mimic serious mental illnesses such as bipolar or borderline personality disorder. Foggy brain and forgetfulness can make it really hard to do the things you need to do to stay healthy.

Learning techniques for managing feelings -- anxiety, anger, etc. -- through counseling is good and useful. You need at least one experienced person on your support team who really understands how profoundly challenging ADHD is to manage, and can help you organize your life and create a management plan to help you gain and keep stability, including a medication regimen that works for you.

I see there are people on this forum who do ADHD coaching remotely. That might be a place to start, if you don't have resources in your local area.

I wish you well. Keep going.

[PeanutRN in reply to lovelylight]

Thank you for your reply! Very helpful! I did find a Specialist that I see in three weeks. Hopefully he can get my meds right.

[lovelylight in reply to PeanutRN]

I'm so glad to hear you've got an appointment set up! If it's with a psychiatrist for a med evaluation, I encourage you to also find someone who will do the regular coaching and counseling work that you need to get a life/ADHD management plan in place. From what I understand, psychiatrists usually do not fulfill that role for patients, but I could be wrong about that. Whoever you'll be seeing may be able to refer you to someone. Congratulations on achieving 2 weeks of sobriety--one step at a time!

[MrsKlco]

OOOO..Peanut, I feel ya! The work you do is your comfort zone, the structure, you have mastery at your craft and then at home....ummm, ya. At least that is how I feel. I love my carrier but at the end of the day, I have little ones at home, and one big one (hubby of 10yrs.)

Now..your drinking, I am a clinical therapist and I work with people with SUD problems. I am so very glad that you were so candid in your post but I am seeing red flags! Down deep you know that your drinking is an issue. Look up the "Jelinek Curve". With what you had posted, you are in the early stages, but your getting very close, if it has not happened already, to blacking out. That is a VERY dangerous turning point for your brain.

At this point you can make some huge changes in your lifestyle and turn this (drinking as a coping tool) around. I have four hour sleep patterns that my hubby is NOW ok with! He has given up understanding and is now compassionate when I do sleep. (like taking the kids )

I totally agree and love the response by lovelylight, I just had to add my 2cents.

Working out, walking, de-compressing with music...that is how I handle my stress and sleep like a baby. My relationship with my hubby is better and I feel better. When I exercise, I am able to decipher what is truly irritating me, leave the past in the past, and process why I am feeling ..blabla blaaa. Lashing out at my hubby with all my anger ammunition that only tore us apart.

I take medication, I can't function well without them, but they are a tool and you have to also make changes. If your therapist is not working, like NOT working, move on!!

I truly hope this is helpful,

Renee

[PeanutRN in reply to MrsKlco]

Thank you so much for your reply. I have left my girlfriend 2 times in the last month to drink to where I did black out and act like a fool. Been sober for 2 weeks now. Usually I can have a couple drinks Here and there, but then I get this crazy urge to get wasted so I start a fight with my girlfriend and go out and over indulge. I see a specialist in three weeks. Hopefully he can get my meds right. Figuring that I can’t even have 1 drink, because eventually it will turn into a total shit show.

[MrsKlco]

Thanks for taking this seriously, take care of yourself. Keep posting