Dealing with my 22 yr old son ADHD and issues

[JoeSnee]

Like the rest of our family, my son has ADHD and struggled in school. He has been working and had problems going to college and failed most of his classes. He is now in a severe depressed state and we are trying, very hard, to get him back on track. He is not taking antidepressants (Wellbutrin) and we are in the process of getting him further help. He keeps thinking he is a failure, etc. Both his father and I have had the same issues. I am an attorney and always had focus issues. His father went back to school later in life and after a long career in sales is a nurse. He feels he is all washed up at 22. I don't know what to do but I want to get him into a support group of some sort to deal with all this. Hoping someone has some ideas to help.

[EJ_C]

Hey Joe!

I have ADHD.

I flunked school

I was on antidepressants

I went to uni- got a 1st

I became a teacher

I quit teaching

I work in significant events and love it, and it works for me.

Why I wrote that in that way? As your son can achieve!

What helped me, was some easy wins. Which then turned into big wins etc. To get where I have in events, which is fairly high for my age, was working from the bottom and my ADHD helped me!

What is his passion?

[EJ_C]

"was focused on helping my Adult son yet was keeping him stuck b/c (unknowingly) I continued to view him as a child. ( I was too close to his plight / and I needed to take several steps back to get a different perspective. My therapist was helpful with suggestions on how I could be supportive without owning my child’s journey)."

🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌

I'm not a parent... But with someone with ADHD and someone who used to be a teacher.

I can not view what you said so highly! I've seen it firsthand.

I've hit rock bottom a few times, but I had to get myself back up. I had to do it.

I had to get me where I am. I had to fight the challenges. Why did I have to? Because it helped build and develop me.

Sounds nasty, but sometimes being pushed and learning to fly is the way to do it! Be there for a hug. Don't judge just give a hug. Then you go again!

[EJ_C in reply to EJ_C]

One other thing, I forgot...

And going back to the passion....

When I'm bored and have no stimulation, I get in a dark place. So, again going back to it... Finding something to do may help

[BTV65]

I agree about small successes are a great way to build confidence. I have a 19yo son who flunked out of college. I tried everything in my power to prevent it. However, many things were not in my power and if a college kid is not able to self advocate, then the system that exists can do nothing to help them.

After quitting college, he just sat at home and did nothing productive. I took away his connection to the internet and said he could have it back for job searching, but I would watch to make sure that was all it was used for. He eventually signed up for Door Dash. I said he had to go out at least a couple times each week to earn his internet. Then I increased that. Once he was able to succeed, I didn't need to keep restricting him, though I do prompt him about it. Baby steps. As he is able to set and achieve goals, it gives him more confidence about the next one. Our current hurdle is getting him to set new goals. Keep nudging the bar for success a little higher.

Good luck with yours.

P.S. Me talking with a counselor about how to help him was a 1000% more effective than him talking directly with a counselor (we did both). Back to self advocacy, he just wouldn't talk about anything serious with the counselor and therefore made zero progress.

[EJ_C in reply to BTV65]

Again as an ADHD person, the tough love you've said above is deffo what would have helped me!

I said earlier I get into dark places when I'm not busy and then lose motivation to get busy. So your way, would definitely have helped me!

Again trying to give my perspective here to help!

[BTV65 in reply to EJ_C]

He has anxiety when dealing with people. One reason I wanted him to get a job was to force him to interact with other people and help him get over it. We just talked about this a couple days ago (he brought it up) and he has really gotten much more comfortable with it. At least the relatively light interaction of placing orders, picking up food and delivering it to people. Another series of small successes.

[EJ_C in reply to BTV65]

This is amazing!!

Amazing progress!

There is an app that I discovered a few months ago called Inflow.

It isn't free, but I helps. They also assign you a coach too which you can chat with.

This may help him too... I can be honest with mine as ill never meet them. It won't get back to anyone.