Frustrations with my psychiatrist/am I overreacting?

[amiperfectnow]

I've had adhd practically my entire life. It got to a debilitating point by the time I was 15 where I had to put my entire life on hold. Long story but I'm 22 now and just getting diagnosed and treated for it, and I don't have a driver's license, never had a job, and had to stop my GED because of it. I don't have any social circle bcos of it as well and haven't for the longest time. To sum it up I haven't lived bcos of this. I break down crying on a regular basis bcos I can't remember anything such as whether I left the iron or oven on when I leave the house. It's debilitating on a moment by moment basis. I was in an abusive situation with a drug addict recently where I was forced to take meth illicitly and while that was terrifying, I did feel like a normal human for the first time in my life. I told my psych all this and she prescribed me Concerta at first 36 mg then 54. I was really excited for it but it's not helping at all. It worked maybe 15% at first but that dwindled down to almost nothing within a matter of a few days and now it mostly just gives me really bad anxiety and leaves me with horrible headaches sometimes migraines after a few hours. She upped the Concerta dose twice in one month so insurance won't cover it again for another month and I understand that. What I can't understand is how once the month ends she will prescribe me Focalin. So I will have to wait an extra month again to see if that works. I told her frankly I would rather just skip to Adderall or Vyvanse bcos I feel like the methylphenidate isn't working at all at this point and that yes I am being super impatient bcos living with this hell every day at this severity for 7 years and having accomplished nothing and wasted my life bcos of this is more than I can take. I feel like a complete failure and waste of space as a human being bcos of how much this illness takes away any and all capability of functioning. I can't even begin reading bcos of this and have been that way for years. We have a very transparent and honest relationship so I told her all this frankly but she still insists on the Focalin next month. I feel like I can't take another two months of not only the ADHD hell but the side effects of the methylphenidate especially the anxiety with barely any positive results to taking it. I feel like I'm being wayyy impatient and rushing but at the same time I feel like someone who has adhd that has impacted their life this severely can understand where I'm coming from being really crestfallen at the prospect of having to go thru this for another 2 months when there's the option as soon as next month of other meds that generally have higher rates of success. What are your thoughts? Am I overreacting or does it genuinely sound like she's not listening? Also should I have faith in the Focalin? I just want to feel like a functioning human being without a broken mind anymore. I feel like she could possibly be cautious bc of the illicit drug use, but it was forced and she's well acquainted with the details of how abusive the situation was. I never took drugs or even alcohol prior to that nor after. Even tho I've been thru a lot of messed up crap in my life. I'm too afraid of all that stuff. Anyways sorry for the book if anyone's made it this far I'd really love your input.

[ADHD33]

Hey! Welcome. I’m so sorry about everything you’ve been through. You need to know that the fact that you are seeking the help now and taking these steps just speaks to how strong you are. Having just read this I just have to say that have immense respect for you. You are acknowledging where you are and fighting to find solutions and feel better - you may not realize this but that’s a big deal! Your clear determination is a quality that will serve you very very well not just in this process but in life afterwards!

As for the meds… wish I could provide feedback on the drug choices from your doctor but I don’t know enough (or whatever new research has come out) to even guess at the rationale. Can you talk to your doctor about your concerns and ask your doctor why continue with this order? I can tell you that even within the same drug class I had COMPLETELY different reactions - I take Adderall xr but could not tolerate vyvance or even regular short acting Adderall. I had to try a ton of different medications (from different classes and also over a few months) to reach what worked best. While the process is really annoying and can take time, it all helped to build experience and understand my body and how good of a fit Adderall xr was, when I ultimately got to it. Just hang in… go with the process. Even if it takes a year - it’ll be worth it in the end.

If it helps… I felt so behind in my early 20s and didn’t actually start my career until 27 and I’m now in my late 30s and functioning much better and very happy. I used the extra time to find other non-medication systems that would help me function better: exercise, limiting sugar, certain habits and routines - despite that reading is STILL a total struggle! Thank goodness for youtube, tiktok, podcasts and audiobooks! 🤣 as for social life - Ive seen people’s social circles completely turn over many times by now. On my end, many of my closest friends today I didn’t meet until my 30s. Be where you are, don’t feel behind… you have tons of time to build the life you want. If you keep up with this amazing drive of yours and continually reassess and work toward it (exactly how you are!) you will succeed.

Sending you a ton of support and encouragement - you’re definitely on the right track!!! You’re clearly a really strong person! Just keep at it!

[Rodster]

It takes time to find the right medication for you. There is a slight difference between concerts and focalin that may work for you. I have tried all of them including Adderall, focalin, Vyvanse, Ritalin, strattera and it took a while to find the right one. Also, the insurance is supposed to pay for all adjustments when you are starting out. The insurance tried to pull that crap on my psychiatrist and she called them and they stopped.