Hey, I wanted to ask you guys this question who are going through something similar as I am.

[somiya_2003]

I am newly diagnosed with ADHD and my family have a hard time understanding what I go through and they think just because some of the symptoms happen sometimes for them it is okay that I just deal with it instead of getting treatment and taking medication which is bad for health, at this point Idk what to tell them since they cannot be in my shoes and just cannot go through the same things I do and it feels like they are ignoring my identity in some ways. I just wanna know if you guys faced the same issues as I did or did you do something different to make them understand.

[Foxfur]

That is a problem, the fact they have been around you and can’t understand that you have a diagnosis of ADHD, most people around me constantly already thought I was adhd before I was diagnosed. As far as having them understand, they won’t. Take care of you, and don’t worry about anyone else at the moment.

[MarylouD]

My family does not accept that I can not control my symptoms, but I had to do what was right for me. I can't waste my time or my health trying to convince them about something they will never believe or accept.

[Mini-S8]

Hi there somiya_2003

I’m sorry to hear you are going through this. I understand how difficult it can be to process the diagnosis, let alone feel a lack of support or understanding from others.

I was diagnosed just over 2 years ago and although my family were supportive, my friends and community were less so.

I felt an overwhelming amount of anger, loss, sadness, grief, frustration, confusion and a big struggle with my identity and sense of self.

What has helped me so far:

- educating myself about ADHD so I understand myself more

- finding someone else or others with the same diagnosis so I can talk freely and identify

- therapy

- journaling

- prioritising my own well-being and mental, physical, spiritual and emotional health

- listening to podcasts of professionals and others with ADHD and what’s helped them

- accepting that not everyone will understand but that’s okay as long as I do

- praying to a higher power to help me and guide me through the day

I hope this helps in some way or other!

Please private message me if you want to talk. I’m a woman living in the UK - 30 years old and recently diagnosed. I hear you and I understand.

Lots of love x

[somiya_2003 in reply to Mini-S8]

Some people have problems with differences in a person, I am so sorry that the people around were not supportive but its the opposite for me my friends just understood I have ADHD and treated me the same, I was so happy they didn't treat me differently or give me advice that would make me angry, my family members just give me advice that sounds harmless but does make me frustrated, btw if I want someone to talk to I will reach out Thank uuu😊🥰

[gzoe]

Hey there!

I'm currently going through the same thing... I'm pretty sure my mom has ADHD and maybe even my dad and my brother was diagnosed when he was about 10 but it never occured to anyone to test me, because I achieved high grades in school and the only reason my brother was tested was because his grades were so low and he was constantly daydreaming....

I only recently go diagnosed by a therapist (I haven't done a proper assesment test yet but my therapist is certain I have ADHD) and when I asked my mother why they never thoguth to test me as a child (bc ADHD can be genetically inherited) all she had to say was that ADHD has become some sort of a social illnes meaning nowadays everybody claims to have/has ADHD... kind of reducing my experiences with it to dust... of course this now has me doubting if I really have ADHD but what's helping me is just getting informed about it more and talking to other people with the same diagnosis.

I think as long as you are certain in yourself and you trust yourself that this is what you're dealing with and you find ways to treat it (wether that is behavioral therapy or meds or both or something else), don't bother with what your family or your friends say, you need to feel good and if that's what helps you then you do you!

[LifeIsLearning in reply to gzoe]

gzoe my story echoes yours so closely. My grades were fine so no one thought anything of my symptoms in school. Schools wanted to test my brother because his grades were bad. My mom probably also has ADHD (which left untreated and the mild but repeated trauma she endured as a kid because of it probably led to her depression).

And when I told my mom she said "I think you're fine" pretty much reducing my experiences with it to dust.

I was given a self assessment and "diagnosed" but another doctor wanted a "proper assessment" so I went to a neuropsycologist (3 hours of testing) and finally was diagnosed with ADHD and anxiety. Hang in there!

somiya_2003 that is certainly one of the very tough things about getting people to understand ADHD that they have most of these symptoms too, but not frequently and not as intensely. Learning about the brain science has helped me a lot. It's helped my husband understand (he's been learning about brain science dealing with his own issues).

yes stimulant medication long term can be bad for your health, but so can untreated ADHD. Listen to Dr. Russel Barkley (his untreated brother died in a car crash) or Dr. Theresa Cerulli here additudemag.com/webinar/com... (sorry I don't remember the minute marks) talk about how untreated ADHD can increase mortality due a variety of impulsive behavior and the higher risk for addictive behaviors. I know that's a downer, but I applaud you for taking your health seriously. I have a friend who was on Adderal for years till she got pregnant. She has not gotten back on it since, and her child is now 11. I asked her why she didn't get back on. 1) she learned skills while on Adderall that she could not have learned on her own 2) she was not a student anymore. She was self employed. Everyone is different, so that's no promise.

as you can read in other posts and the first half of mine, many families do not understand. A large part of it, I think, is based on a complete misunderstanding of what ADHD is.

I don't know if you need your family's permission/approval to start medication or if you are able to start without them understanding but would like them to approve. . . but if you cannot start medication yet, still educate yourself. You can look into how brains work, or how to live with ADHD and accomodations for ADHD. I'm working on Queen of Distraction right now. There's some good stuff in there.

[somiya_2003 in reply to LifeIsLearning]

Wow! three hours of test screams bad day, and yeah I have to get my medication is under my parent's insurance so only they can approve, uk the sad part is that even thought I was a premature baby and I got bad grades they never thought of looking into what is wrong with me.

[somiya_2003 in reply to gzoe]

thanks for telling your side of the story, it really helped and yeah I have to check if my parents have ADHD since they have hardly shown any symptoms but my mom is quite forgetful, hmmm maybe I should get her checked too.

[Greenbeeps]

Hi, I'm going through the same. I'm 46, my mum's 75.....she doesn't want to know....it's too much for her to comprehend. She's from the 'pull your socks up' generation but it hurts like hell! It's made me think of all those people who finally tell their parents they're gay and their parents don't want to know! The rejection and not willing to learn about it is a kick in the teeth. I know I have to accept this because I've learnt that's how my mum handles things that make her feel uncomfortable/confused....(avoids) and she doesn't want to feel any guilt that she did anything wrong. So, keep looking after you. Be as brave and confident as you can with opening up to them....and don't feel ashamed....it's their problem, not yours xx

[somiya_2003 in reply to Greenbeeps]

thank you! ya, I guess my parents cannot deal with it even though all the symptoms were clearly visible during my childhood.

[Catseye2 in reply to Greenbeeps]

I am 75 and it was such a relief to find out that ADHD may be what explains how I lived my life and how people reacted to me. There was no "ADHD" awareness in the 50's when I started school. Every day I would be in the office 8 times or so, looking for my lost glasses, purse, books, lunch box, etc...whatever wasn't attached to me. The people in the office would say "you'd lose your head if it wasn't attached". The teachers said I was lazy. The counselors said I was an "under-achiever", even though I got mostly decent grades, my IQ tested high (the tests were created by the same culture I was raised in...so i had a running start). So they were never satisfied with what I produced, since most of my assignments were done the night before they were due (all night - hyper focused). I was socially slow too..and you know the drill, slow to pick up on cues...couldn't shut up...interrupted. Add to that I used big words because my parents were older intellectuals, so I had a rough time. So not only did THEY not understand..I didn't either. I have not yet gotten an official dx although my ADHD diagnosed daughter in law is urging me to do so. I do NOT want to take medication but I do want to do everything possible to create habits that help. I just wish I'd known earlier. i wish i could talk to your parents. But hang in there. We are also creative, resilient, great in a crisis, and many more gifts that come with this brain design. You wil find your niche with the help of friends and the peope here. Just be glad you found out relatively early.

[Esther478]

somiya_2003

[Esther478]

Yes, I have experienced a lack of understanding from family as well. After inviting my brother to live with me during Covid, (with me moving him from another state), thinking we could be some help to each other, primarily I need the emotional support and he needs a place to live. After he arrived, we sat to talk about plans, rules, expectations, etc. I shared. with him my “issue.” Especially being that he would be living with me. Noting, my brother is the one who is notoriously known to have an array of issues from drinking etc. Big sister here, is always bailing him out of whatever. I thought I would be vulnerable and let him know that I am not perfect, as he thinks, and that I have my own “little red wagon to pull.” If I was to get any support it m, surely it would be from him, so I thought. After living with me for over six months, not only did he not understand he didn’t even try to understand. He even criticized me few time about my lack of organization at home. So, I have not ventured out and share I have ADHD with anyone else. Reality is, I think some people close to me have recognized it and just have ‘t ever brought it up. If I were to share with family, some family members would feel like & blatantly say to me, ”are you kidding me” —you are 50 years old and have been able to accomplish much. Why put this label on yourself now? Some folks will not get it, especially family members, because they may think they have ADHD too — and they might, but do not want to deal with it. I do not think I will not be sharing with others anytime soon. My brothers lack of understand and support really hurt.

I am taking medication and trying to find the right dosage. Now, i am trying to find a good counselor and it has been a challenge.

[somiya_2003 in reply to Esther478]

So sorry to hear that, my mother's sister keeps on telling me to meditation since that makes made her focus but just because it works for her doesn't mean it would work for me and personally for me I hate it when ppl tell me to do the things I don't want especially my uncle when he comes into my home he used to shame me about my organising issues and self-care so I told him "don't come into my house to shame me as this is my safe space and if you think this place is so messy why don't you help me clean it up" I was quite angry when I was telling him that normally I am quite a calm person since then he stopped doing that and he does not know I have ADHD.