I'm stupid and I hate myself

[Tormented555]

That's my mantra. Here I am, back in the same boat, because - I'm stupid and I hate myself. I have a car and I just keep the key in the ignition, because I can't lock it anyway, so.. that works, and keeps me from constantly losing it, until one day I forgot and took it into the house because - I'm stupid and I hate myself. Then, I let it sit on the coffee table in the living room for a while, as I ride my motorcycle instead over the next few days, and I figure as long as I don't move it, it will stay there and I can put it back whenever I need it, so.. rather than put it back immediately, I leave it there, because - I'm stupid and I hate myself. Then, I go to work (on my motorcycle), and after work I come home to find my girlfriend's kids have been cleaning and rearranging the whole house so it now looks like a war zone (another one of my problems - dealing with people who aren't exactly prioritizing my peace of mind, one could say) and no one knows where my key is. My mechanic finally came over to fix the AC on the car last night, but he couldn't get too far because I had no key, because - I'm stupid and I hate myself. This is one incident among many - it just repeats over and over in my life. I lead a far more difficult life than anyone around me, I end up having problems they never dream of, repeatedly, ad nauseam. Why? Well, you know the answer by now. Nothing works, and here I am again. Thanks for letting me vent. I don't know what else to do

[LisethHIS]

Good day, Tormented555,

Thank you for contacting CHADD National Resource Center. I would suggest not being too hard on yourself; it's important to give yourself some grace. Some days flow easily, while others can present more challenges. Have you considered joining a support group? Another idea might be using an AirTag as a keychain for your keys, which could help keep track of them more easily. Here are some articles that can be helpful, chadd.org/attention-article... chadd.org/adhd-news/adhd-ne... if you are interested also in joining a support group, chadd.org/affiliate-locator/ you are welcome to join any group since many are virtually.

If there is anything else you need, please let me know.

Best regards,

Liseth

Health Information Specialist

CHADD’s National Resource Center on ADHD

chadd.org

[Tormented555 in reply to LisethHIS]

What if no days flow easily, and it's one problem, frustration, aggravation, mishap, etc, after another? You work on one area of life, the other goes to hell, and it all steadily just gets worse as the brain deteriorates with age ? What then?

[MadamGeneva in reply to Tormented555]

From what you described it sounded like you had nothing to do with the misplacement of your keys. Your mantra has become so engrained that you are taking the hit even when others cause you to lose things. I would challenge you to make a new mantra that encapsulates more of a 'c'est la vie' attitude. Yes, our brains can pull a fast one on us, I used to get very upset in particular about losing things. (Imagine hiding family heirloom jewels to 'keep them safe' and then forgetting where that place is👀), but reframing and being easier on myself has given me a far better existence.

Yes, I have a knack for losing things, but I am super creative, I can hyperfocus and I have bags of enthusiasm. I can tap into those attributes to create organisational systems to help me in the future, if I want!

We spend so many years of our lives being told we are 'lazy', 'stupid', or 'uncaring' by others, it's so important we reserve kinder words for ourselves.

And losing a few things and making a few careless mistakes hardly matter in the grand scheme of things.

I bet you have tons of amazing attributes that outshine the less desirable ones.

I feel your frustration and pain, trust me I do. But I do hope you can find a way to accept and maybe even love yourself with time.

[Creed22]

I truly feel your pain because I've lived it for 50 years. I am finally on a self-discovery to try and love myself again because I just found out ADHD was the issue and I couldn't help half the crap that I was doing and this all led to other major issues. I hear you!

What I've done, I'm working on loving myself again. Self-help and Self-love books helped me. I listen to calming frequencies from YouTube. Try to create a quite place and just sit and listen to positive music.. this all helps me.

Just knowing that this ADHD isn't my fault and that it's a brain rewiring changed my life. I totally took off the self-hatred towards myself because it was nothing I could control and you can learn to navigate through it. It can be a superpower, but we have to work at it.

I wish you the best and I'm here if you need anything. I'm a helper, I love to help others because it takes the negative energy of me and the worry off me and I am doing good for others.

When I do stuff wrong or stupid, I laugh now, and just say "whatever"... took years to get here, but it's working for me now.

Love always,

Tina

[Creed22]

I truly feel your pain because I've lived it for 50 years. I am finally on a self-discovery to try and love myself again because I just found out ADHD was the issue and I couldn't help half the crap that I was doing and this all led to other major issues. I hear you!

What I've done, I'm working on loving myself again. Self-help and Self-love books helped me. I listen to calming frequencies from YouTube. Try to create a quite place and just sit and listen to positive music.. this all helps me.

Just knowing that this ADHD isn't my fault and that it's a brain rewiring changed my life. I totally took off the self-hatred towards myself because it was nothing I could control and you can learn to navigate through it. It can be a superpower, but we have to work at it.

I wish you the best and I'm here if you need anything. I'm a helper, I love to help others because it takes the negative energy of me and the worry off me and I am doing good for others.

When I do stuff wrong or stupid, I laugh now, and just say "whatever"... took years to get here, but it's working for me now.

Love always,

Tina

[Trailblazer20]

I made several duplicates of my keys. My spouse had one on him, I had one around my neck, on my key chain, another in a key holder and attached it to the car. PS. Make sure the magnet is strong dont go cheap!!! I also put one in a pair of shoes that I didn't wear, another dangled from a lamp in the living room as a reminder. (It was a f*cked up time.) I was stressed and got frazzled really easy.I mess up more when... one, I let words and emotion get to me, two ....in a rush, three.. ... don't check myself to make sure I have everything I need before I enter and exit the house, room, car, store wherever I am and give yourself enough time to check. I give it a few more minutes versus seconds now.

I also write notes or list on the notes app and memos on a white board, I have a calendar both on my phone and on my desk. I also set reminders. And ask me how many times I have to relearn everyone's birthdays if I don't have them wrote down or on Facebook or my phone. It's embarrassing. I don't like being embarrassed.

The cool thing is the people who actually love me say... They say "that's just trailblazer " ...make small but funny cracks at my expense and carry on.

It sucks beyond belief like how in the f*ck did we get our adhd where did it come from. I often wonder why was I born. I know the real answer....two people had sex and wasn't being careful. There genes then got passed down. They were intelligent people had a touch of it themselves. But, I didn't ask to be born this way and I struggle with it more so than not.

But, I too passed it down to my kids. Do you listen to korn or Johnathan Davis. A song called What it is. ... And have a hard time forgiving myself for doing the same thing .....giving them the same burden and disposition. Had I had more information I wouldn't have done that to them!!!!!

I'm upset most days because I feel they could have done alot more for us in school to help us learn by different methods. Now you have to pay 1000's of dollars to be properly tested. On that note it could have been undocumented experiments from the war error?!?! Including drug experimentation!!! People did some wierd sh*t back in the day.... look it up yourself if you have a chance. Real documented experiments. Also watch brain games. Different take on tricking youre mind.

But, I feel ya! I cant win for losing most days. I try everyday to either improve or accept. It's a major thing that consumes my mind and I wish I could just make it stop. Because it would be one less thing taking up way to much space...

All I can tell you is to try to believe in yourself and most people will stay in your corner making life more bearable. When I believe in me... s*it gets done....and life is better...... when I dont believe in me.... it's.. Doom and Gloom. It's a hard place to be and still stay strong for other people, family and friends.

I miss living in national parks it's a little more peaceful ✌️. And it's where most of us end up!

[diamondsinthewater]

So sorry to hear you are in such an unhappy spot! I, too, can totally identify with your struggles and also beg that you don't be so hard on yourself. As my husband says when I can't find my keys ... WHO CARES? They're somewhere, and we'll find them! (Thank heavens for a supportive husband! Look for people in your life who support and don't demean you!)

I'll add one tip: Do you remember the song "Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes ... Knees and Toes" from when you were a kid? I sing that song as I leave the house, but I substitute: Wallet, Glasses, Keys, and Phone ... Kindle, too!" Sounds silly, but it helps me remember what I need to take with me. (A key holder at my back door helps, too!)

Good luck, Tormented 555 ... we are all with you!