Adult ADHD Support
2,338 members620 posts

Addicted to my medication

I am new to this so I hope I do this right! I was diagnosed with ADHD at the beginning of my freshman year in college last year. They put me on methylphenidate and before I knew it, 60 pills were going missing every 2-3 days. Of course it didn't happen at first, and it took me a year to get to this point but now I can't fix it. I was just recently diagnosed with depression and I told my doctor about what I was doing with my medication so she quickly took me off that medicine and put me on vyvanse. Now to me it is a ton cleaner than my last medication, but just like the last I have gotten addicted to taking more than I'm prescribed. It has started to take a toll on my health big time. My weight is fluctuating a ton, and now I'm having to go to a cardiologist because I have severe chest pains and an irregulars heart beat. I just hate and am so ashamed of myself that I feel as if I'm not myself if I don't take the medicine..

I am so scared that I won't know when to stop until it's too late.. I just need support on how to keep calm and not chase the high of the medication. Please help. Thankyou so much.

8 Replies
oldestnewest

Heyy,

I can definitely relate to your story in many ways. I started on valium then went to Xanax, I need up ODing and when I finally came back I swore off benzodiazepines for good and made sure to have my doctor put the abuse on my file so I wouldn' get anymore even if I tried to abuse again. The thing that really took over my life was PKs, hydrocodone. I hurt my back and like so many others, started abusing the ones my doctor gave me. It became very out of control very quick, within a year I was spending $15,000 a month. I finally broke down and told my parents and it was so embarrassing as well as humiliating to admit.

So, now every med I get on I am very cautious, but something that really helped me was just giving my meds to my parents and they would give me only what I needed for the day or week. If you have that option I think it is a good first step/option. I don' know where you live, but sometimes telling a doctor or just the wrong person can end up really compliating things. You just having the insight to be able to realize when you are having a problem with addiction is really good, many people cant/dont. It shows that you are willing and able to change to 'fix' it.

Sadly I am struggling with a situation like that again and it' much more embarrassing, but I feel if I speak up all that will happen is punishment not help, so it' kind of a 'catch 22' for me currently. :/

I have ADHD pretty bad, I can never seem to stay focused and follow through with things and it is a serious struggle. I am trying to get some meds, but my concern is that I have sleep issues as well and I know ADHD meds will not help that situation. I have anxiety/social anxiety/depression/ADHD.

1 like
Reply

Yess!! My friends didn't understand why I was so humiliated! But it truly was, I mean to me it felt like I'm already vulnerable because of a doctor I thought I could trust, but didn't prescribe correctly. Then to open myself up to a different doctor, and to trust them? It's hard. It was difficult to admit that I had lost control of somethin that, as an adult, "should've been smarter". I know that is a horrible way to put it but it's exactly how I felt. I'm just glad to not be the only one!

1 like
Reply

Addiction is a disease and has nothing to do with being smart or weak. Your brain gets highjacked.

2 likes
Reply

Yes I will go look at these right now. Thankyou so so much!

Reply

Hi. From what I have read many ADDers have substance abuse issues. Mine began before I knew I had ADD but now it all makes sense. Alcohol and marijuana calmed me down. It is not for me to say that you have a problem but you could consider speaking with an outpatient addiction specialist and they may help you find out for yourself. I tried Vyvance and Adderal but they made me feel like I was on speed and I was ornery. I don't take anything and I suppose I am better off that way.

3 likes
Reply

Have you (your doctor, actually) considered trying a non-stimulant medication, such as Straterra? Much lower potential for abuse, and for some of us, it works. There are a couple of others in that category but I can't think of the names right now.

1 like
Reply

Bupropion (Wellbutrin) is another; guanfacine (Intuniv), yet another. I've taken the former, but not the latter.

The much longer half-life of bupropion means you won't see full effect immediately; but the more stable blood levels and more consistent effect across time may be less likely to trigger an addictive cycle—in fact, bupropion is also used to break the nicotine addiction cycle.

Similar goes for most non-stimulant medications known effective in easing ADHD.

Reply

I am so confused as to why your doctor put you on a medication in the amphetamine family after you told them you were abusing the Methylphenidate. That’s like changing seats on the sinking Titanic. I am so, so incredibly sorry you are going through this. I know this post is a bit older, so I hope you are OK. An outpatient program helped me when I was in a struggle with addiction. I highly recommend something like that, and the sooner the better. Sending you the best!

Reply

You may also like...