ADHD and Anxiety is ruining my life! Help!

[Dcharles]

Hey guys, so I am having a hard time dealing with ADHD as well as Anxiety and I am afraid I it ruining my personal as well as social/work life. I have been married to my wonderful wife for 10 years now and this has been a terrible issue from the start. Where it mostly shines through is my impulsivity. By that I mean what i say and in certain situations, as well as never really thinking about what I am about to say or even do, and then deal with the consequences after. I find myself not realizing what comes out of my mouth and how it may hurt others and also how it may make me seem as a person in the eyes of others around me. I am asking for help. I feel my life is slipping away and I cant let this win.

[Multivac]

Hello Dcharles,

Have you ever considered counseling? Although it may take time to find a counselor that works for you, it can be absolutely life changing. For me, counseling is simply time with someone that is there to listen—she's focused on me, my concerns, and I don't feel selfish for it. That's a very unique service that many people never experience.

It took me 32 years of life (I'm 34 now) to realize that I created fictions about how others perceived me, and those fictions negatively affected my behavior and destroyed relationships as a result. There's a lot to unpack there, but what I can simply say is this: I needed validation for my struggles and a new perspective on how I viewed myself.

If any of that resonates with you, I suggest you seek a counselor. Personality is very important and will vary greatly. For example, my counselor is a couple of years older than me, works out regularly, keeps up with my swearing, and jokes about politics: that's what works for me. The key is to find someone you connect with, trust, and look forward to seeing.

Take care,

[ace195011]

Hello Dcharles ,

I agree with Multivac. I had major anxiety issues from 1984 on, started therapy, at that time therapists didn’t pickup on my ADHD or Aspergers.

I worked in pretty high stress job (systems programming). I remarried in 1987 and my wife and I had two wonderful daughters. I lost her in 2004 and during my marriage she wasn’t pro- therapy, she wouldn’t go with to do join counseling. In 2006 ran into lady who became my wife who worked with ADHD and various disabilities at the college level. After dating several weeks she told me I had ADHD and from 1984 thru 2006 I had several therapists and no one picked up on the ADHD. So long story short I ended up seeing a neurologist with my wife and was diagnosed with ADHD, Slight Aspergers and PTSD. I went on Vyvanse , major improvement. Additionally before this diagnosis , my temper would flare really bad under stress and usually when I was seriously overloaded.

So yes have joint therapy and make sure your on the correct meds for your diagnosis.

Scott

[GatsbyCat]

Hello, Dcharles~

The other two folks really covered the joint therapy angle extremely well- good job Multivac and ace195011.

Another approach that might work for you (along with the joint therapy) is to try out guided meditation. I do it every day (mostly!!), as it really can help you relax with social anxiety. It can also help you PAUSE for a count of 5 or so before you actually speak. I'm a great interrupter if I don't use this technique, so it helps me to think about what I am saying first before it pops out of my mouth. Plenty of these meditations are available online; YouTube.

Perhaps you could enlist your wifes' help, and have her tug your elbow, or have a catch phrase. That way, she's helping you to slow down as well, before a blurt just comes out.

Great that you recognize what's happening, and are working on a behavior to change it. Best of luck on your journey!