My ADHD brain

[Salah_09]

Hey All,

Last few months I have been becoming very aware of my ADHD and not long ago, literally a week ago I got officially diagnosed and prescribed medication (which I am yet to take.

I feel my whole life makes sense and it seems that a lot of things that I thought were part of my personality are actually because of my ADHD brain. It makes sense because I always felt that I wasn't living quite up to my potential. I wanted to just jot some interesting facts about myself which relate back to ADHD, perhaps the ones which aren't so commonly listed on the internet. Some of these may relate to other factors such as trauma etc. But knowing I have ADHD does shed more light on them.

(1) I've always had this extra sense perception and tend to pay way too much attention to the facial expressions of others. Anything off I interpret as if someone's not interested in me or they dislike me etc. I'll be conversing to someone and a slight change or fluctuation in facial expression can really get to me. Maybe it's related to my ADHD.

(2) I'm not sure if this is entirely related. But I tend to be very secretive. For example, I don't like playing stuff out loud if I'm on my phone like when I'm with others (some exceptions around very close people who I'm comfortable with). I care way too much about what others think about me.

(3) In social interactions with others, I can't ever relax (again some exceptions with those who I'm extremely close with like family). I feel a timid, restricted. Sometimes thoughts are racing and I just can't sit back and talk in a relaxed and calm manner. When controversial topics come up I tense up. Although I wanna be confident and relaxed when talking I feel a bit tense. This goes sometimes but overall I notice this tension. For some background I do have some social anxiety although it's gotten much better over the years.

(4) In conversations I just can't maintain a proper structure. I find it hard to properly structure my sentences and get my point across without stumbling at times or just repeating, mumbling.

[Oldgrumponabike]

There can be a feeling of liberation when you receive the diagnosis like none other! All of the sudden you understand what has been causing you so much difficulty all of your life. Then, as you start treatment both meds and therapy, you learn that this condition is extremely treatable. There are methods and techniques to cope. Your life can be better!

[Lucki99]

Im 22 y/o and yet to be diagnosed, but I have had similar feelings for years. It's hard for me to socialize because I find it difficult to focus on what the other person is saying and end up blurting out a random thought or tensing up and staying silent for most of the conversation. I usually just agree with what the other person is saying and offer nothing else.

I've started to isolate myself and withdraw from the people I know because I feel so embarrased and assume that they find it hard to tolerate me, but I want to get over this and try to socialize again.

When I speak, my mind often jumps to another train of thought so I tend to trail off when I realize what I'm saying doesn't make sense, and I get so embarrased I just want to walk away from that person.

Did your adhd diagnosis help you overcome some of the self blame you've been feeling?

[Salah_09 in reply to Lucki99]

Yes I can relate to that feeling of embarrassment but trust me there are tonnes of people who probably like you and long for your company. It's tough with ADHD because we naturally overthink way too much and sometimes it will make us seek the safer option of not putting ourselves out there. I've experienced a mix of emotions from the diagnosis. Tbh it goes back to when my psychologist strongly suspected I had ADHD (he knew the minute I started taking to him). At that moment I felt some massive weight lift off my shoulder and started relating this to so many aspects of my life. I felt a bit light and different. But after a month or so when I got myself actually tested and diagnosed officially, I also felt a bit hopeless, down and dull. Knowing that I have to put in twice more effort than everyone else due to my brain.

But I've slowly worked on these feelings and my therapist said to me that it's better knowing the issue then going around blindly. Once we know the issue we can properly seek a solution. In the past I always thought that I wasn't good enough and I just need to try a bit harder. I always had an ideal that only if I become 'this', try 'this, do 'this' then I'll become that superhuman etc. And when I failed I would beat myself up.

Once we know our limitations and educate ourselves on our ADHD yes slowly the feelings of self-blame will go away. Now I've notice that if anyone puts me down for something that is because of my ADHD I don't get as impacted because I know the reality. Whereas before I would literally start feeling low or like a failure.

But honestly it's a journey and don't worry if you do go through a mix of emotions. I feel that this is very normal especially at the start and remember that good days will come. Accepting ourselves is the first step and shifting all the self-blame. Once we can move past this I feel we can truly grow and live a fulfilling life. ADHD doesn't have to limit us achieving our goals.

[STEM_Dad]

Your experiences are common with ADHD (but not universal to all people with ADHD).

My first reaction to my ADHD diagnosis was to feel that "my whole life finally makes sense!"

It's quite common to have previously felt that the ADHD struggles were due to personality or character issues. (Note that this can take time, effort, and even professional help to overcome such feelings. After a lifetime of having the wrong impression, it can sometimes take deep work to turn a new opinion of ourselves.) Self-acceptance is healthy, but can be hard for some people to adopt.

(1) People with ADHD can be highly empathetic, and may be naturally high in emotional intelligence. It's said that many people with ADHD can experience "emotional dysregulation". However, I've found that having a closer connection to our own emotions can also make us better at detecting others' emotions. (This is one reason that I avoid crowded environments... there's too much emotional "noise", from unconsciously picking up the emotional states of numerous people at once.)

(2) & (3) May be due to "masking"... being self-conscious of our differences and trying as hard as we can to fit in with neurotypical people. Social anxiety seems somewhat common for people with ADHD.

(4) The two sides of ADHD are Hyperactive-Impulsive and Inattentive. Some have one, some have the other, and many have both (the Combined Presentation).

• Inattentiveness can make it hard to follow conversations and even our own thoughts, due to issues with working memory, distractibility, inattentiveness, and mind-wandering.

• Impulsivity can make a person's thoughts and words be more spontaneous. Impulsivity can also make someone more prone to interrupting others during conversations.

[Lupiegirl46]

Yep sounds like symptoms of ADHD to me I have the same struggles.