ADHD - What is it?

[Billy50]

I don't know. All I can say is

1. I inherited from my dad. He could go into "outer space", which means either total silence and blanking out, or monopolizing conversations.

2. Both my parents were/are "misfits". Although not poor, we never fit in or were identifiable members of the communities we lived in.

3. My dad grow up in an era where men did not ever admit any weaknesses. Fortunately, things were a little better when I was growing up, but things were not quite like today (or have things really changed)?

4. My older brother did not have ADHD. He did just fine. He socialized fine and was seen as stable and mature. I was seen as unsocializable, hyperactive, and inappropriate.

5. I was diagnosed with ADHD as a little kid. The neurologist wanted me put on Ritalin. My dad, fortunately, refused.

6. One teacher used corporal punishment on me, but it was another teacher who humiliated me for having ADHD and taught the rest of the kids to treat me as not socially able to participate. For the rest of my school years, I was very quiet and well behaved but had zero self esteem.

7. There was no Mr. Myagi from the Karate Kid. There was no significant adult outside my parents who could be a positive force for me. I sank into the abyss, and oftentimes felt like I was a martian from outer space.

8. Adulthood did not rescue me. About ten years ago, diagnosed on the Autism Spectrum. Went to three years of sessions with a group, and it was a waste of time. Fellt no commonality.

9. I am Middle Aged now, and I still wake up many mornings and feel blue about it all. Sometimes, I don't even know whether it is ADHD or something else. All I know is that it hurts everyday. The humiliation and pain is daily. I don't remember a time in my life where I felt okay.

10. Avoid living in the past. It will suck up all your energy and put You in a deep depression. I fight that every day. I exercise every day. I try to live right, but if I let the past humiliations due to ADHD take control of me it takes me hours to get out of that depression.

11. Life is very hard, but it is really, really hard having ADHD, because You look okay and people punish me for not being okay. And this is not just a bad attitude and low self esteem. You are not quick in this World and You lose. But I am not going to dwell on that. Have to think positively every day, and not let that past suck me into a depression.

12. Lastly, I am not an easy person. I have a hard time having empathy for others. It is not that I do not appreciate my blessings. I do. It is not that I cannot see that other people have real pains. I see it. I just never have seen anyone who has been through what I have been through in my particular way. It makes me seem difficult, stubborn, and argumentative to others. I tend to be like a prosecuting and defensive lawyer about everything. Someone says things are this way. I try to show another way of looking at it. Causes problems.

[cameron1988]

I have always had trouble fitting in. I am of course ADHD and one therapist said I might have mild autism but my current therapist doesn't think I have it. I agree with the later. I tend to empathize with people rather deeply. I do think I have trouble with social cues due to ADHD. I have trouble making friends. I have trouble connecting with my co-workers and I wish I could make friends with quote cool people. But I have found you have to find people that will accept you for who you are. They are out there, don't worry about being a misfit, I think a lot people feel that way.

[Billy50 in reply to cameron1988]

I am working on being very specific towards people, and to expect minimal empathy. It alienates a lot of people, but they never cared to begin with.

[cameron1988 in reply to Billy50]

Yes I agree. explaining the situation might help.

[Billy50 in reply to cameron1988]

More than explaining the situation, one has to fight for it, too. Believe me, I have shut my mouth out of fear of consequences and one cannot get angry and out of control. No. One has to be direct. There are many times I felt like saying "You want to blame me, but You do not know what it is like to be me. You do not know what it is like to have ADHD. Instead I let myself be someone's stooge and write off. No. One has to let people know even if they control the cards, I have an Ace Card that says I can move on with pride, not shame, because I defended my pride.

[MrsKlco]

Billy 50,

Your post is very panful and I feel terrible for you. But as I read, I was brought back to childhood where I would stutter or my words did not come out. embarrassing!! As I have gotten older, with the help of my therapist and medication, I have come to realize that my thoughts take longer to come then others. My brain is different!! but that absolutely doesn't mean that I am less than another. I have worked very very hard and now I teach and work individual with patients with little to no problems.

I AM HELL BENT THAT I AM FLAWD. I am not yelling at you.

It sounds like you are in intense pain and VERY little people know what the hell is behind the mask. I hope you will never give up on yourself, know your values, and turn that around and help others in times.

Renee

[Billy50 in reply to MrsKlco]

It is very hard to explain, and there are lots of factors involved. But I have to fight for myself, and some days I am going to sound gritty and nasty but it is the only way to get to people that I am Me.