Lateness is Ruining My Life

[melostar113]

I am convinced my brain is not wired to grasp the concept of time. I am completely terrible at it! And this has absolutely impacted all areas of my life. I am never on time for anything! It's so bad that I've actually been fired for lateness before! I continue to be written up and monitored for lateness in my current position as well.

It is never my intention to be late but for some reason I just can't get it right. I beat myself about it all the time, which in turn affects my overall job performance. I'm afraid if I don't turn things around for good, I'll lose the only job I've ever liked that pays okay AND has benefits! I'm just done giving millions of excuses. They're starting to get repetitive and I'm really worried about my future.

Also, I'm already taking medication for ADD. I've set 20 alarms. I've used apps that make you do math or take a picture. Ive researched and read books on habits. I've recruited loved ones to wake me up. Literally anything you could think of, I have tried it all. They may work for a day or 2 but nothing sticks. I just go right back to sleep and I truly can't afford anymore lateness, not mentally, emotionally, physically or financially.

PLEASE HELP! Are there any resources or affordable coaches that can help? I thank you all for listening. I'm really grateful I can finally reach out to a community that understands the struggle. Thanks in advance!

[quietlylost]

When you tried those things in the past that worked for a day or two, what stopped or changed? Did you lose interest? Did you stop setting the alarms? Did the person who was holding you accountable stop checking in?

The things you've tried are all good things, but like with any new behavior or habit it takes practice, consistency, and commitment. That's so much easier said than done, and it's hard to fight against our body's natural tendencies. Have you done a sleep study before? Or worked up for medical issues that might contribute to your fatigue?

Maybe there's a local support group in your area or Meetup that you can go to. I don't know about free coaching, but if you have insurance seeking a therapist with ADHD and time management skills could be beneficial.

For me, I eventually had to do three things:

1. Commit to sleep. This meant I had to deliberately, every day, commit to getting enough sleep. I had to make choices to stop doing things after a certain time and cut back on things that I wanted or "needed" to get done in order to make sleep a priority. I set my goal of going to sleep by 9:00 PM with the hopes that I could get 8 hours of sleep by the time I wanted to get up at 6:00 AM. I had to work really hard to commit to that, but in the end the extra sleep did help a lot.

2. Commit to being early. I stopped years ago trying to be "on time." I found that it caused too much stress and always led to errors in time perception. So, I committed to being early to everything. If I go to a movie, I get there 30 minutes early so I can grab my concessions and seat right when the doors open. If I go to work, I leave early and give myself 1.5 hours to get there (even though it only takes 30 minutes) to ensure that I'm on time. I found that by making myself work on being early it gave me a buffer in case things went wrong.

3. Prepare as much as I can the night before. I usually pre-set my coffee machine and lay out my clothes the night before. I always want a shower in the morning, so I make sure that is the only thing I have to do when I wake up. I feed the cats the night before. I put the dishes away the night before. I do literally as much as I can before hand so in the morning if I oversleep I just need to take my shower, get dressed, and head out the door.

I don't know if any of those things would be useful to you, but they are what helped me in the past when I struggled. I'd say be patient with yourself. It takes time and effort to overcome our own inertia. That being said, if you've tried everything and are still struggling, there's a chance you're missing something important like sleep apnea, anemia, etc. Hopefully involving a professional or coach can help. Good luck!

[SleepyMomof3]

Executive Function Disorder is a very real thing and can have a huge impact in areas like time management and being able to get to work or other places/events on time. I am the same way although I've never lost a job over it, but I did come close. I fought it based on ADA requirements and now have a flex time schedule.

It's possible you have more than one thing going on as well. I have a sleep disorder, but I also have ADHD and more recently learned I'm on the Autism Spectrum as well. Getting a good amount of quality sleep is required for me to function, period, but it's hard to achieve. Focusing on that is a good place to start though. I also find that transitioning from sleeping to wake mode is a huge struggle. That may be part of ADHD, but also seems to be very common among autistic individuals from what I'm hearing from others. In that regard, there isn't a lot that can be done aside from giving yourself ample time to adjust and if taking a stimulant taking it before getting out of bed perhaps. But if you haven't ruled out all other medical possibilities make sure that you do.

But in the end, you may be right and your brain may not be wired to manage time well or to handle the mornings without delay. Consider if that's the case, can you ask for accommodations at work to allow for a more flexible start time? Can you come later and make up the time by staying later or skipping lunch or working from home? If not, and this is a job/organization where there is no position that can be flexible on time, would you be doing yourself a favor by finding a better suited position?

[sdraine]

If you have been diagnosed by a physician with ADD or ADHD then you are entitled to ask for reasonable accommodations under the Americans with Disabilities Act. I suggest you go to Human Resources and put your request for reasonable accommodations related to your health diagnosis in writing, don’t forget to blind copy your personal email a copy of the request.

Check out the link below for more guidance. Good luck.

askjan.org/disabilities/Att...

[anxiousoutcast]

Agreeeed

[Skittlebrain]

You literally just described my whole life and it's soooo defeating and exhausting. I beat myself up to the point I'm crying throughout the day feeling like I'm never going to amount to anything because I can't be "like everyone else". I can't meet people's expectations and I wish they knew that it isn't a lack of trying because, like you, I've tried everything too. I haven't tried medication but I've been debating on that but I wanted to try natural supplements first. I frustrate everyone in my life including myself because I just don't understand how time works and it's disappointing to be the one who is always running late when I don't intend to be this way. We didn't ask to be this way! I, too have been fired from a position for being late and was reprimanded alot in other jobs about it. I'm also scared about my current job because it's affecting that too. Yes, I'm late to this job and I love this job and don't want to lose it. They even offered me a raise by the end of the year but ONLY if I can be on time...and we had the meeting about the raise in mid November and I began to be on time the first two days or so and then it all fell apart again. I am better than I used to be because I'm averaging being three minutes late to this job whereas jobs in the past it was always ten minutes...and that's progress to me but not to the rest of the world sigh. I am just like you and I don't know what to do about it. I wish I had advice for you but I literally am in the same boat and I know how bad it sucks. I hope things get better for you. My husband and I fight about this all the time too. I just want to be accepted for the way I am even though it contradicts with how everyone else feels about time and that is a hard place to be so I understand what you're going through. One thing that has helped me alot is disabling apps on my phone, my phone is my WORST distraction and I do so much better without social media, I'm currently typing this on my laptop as my phone broke and that was a blessing in disguise haha Best wishes!

[Dison]

My friend has this problem. She has not been diagnosed with ADHD. She might have it. I’ll keep calling her over and over for a period of 5 to 10 minutes until I know she is awake and moving. This seems to be the only way she can get out of bed in the morning after setting three or four or five alarms the night before. FYI: I told her I would not become codependent and not to expect me to call her every night. Only on the nights were she has something to do early in the morning that must get done.

[Pomelo]

I'm in the same boat as well. Getting up and getting to the first appointment/event/scheduled item of the day has always been a struggle for me also.

Once, a doctor suggested that I set 2 alarms, one to take my med & then go back to bed. Set the 2nd alarm for 30 minutes later. By that time, the medicine would have kicked in and I should be able to wake up more easily. Unfortunately, the meds wear off pretty quickly for me (within 3-5 days), so I'm on a rollercoaster of effectiveness.. working on that still.

Other alternative is to put off what I'm doing (distractions that keep me up at night) to the morning. So, let's say you want to watch that Netflix video or play that game/puzzle. Use it as a reward for waking up in the morning.

I have even resorted to rewarding myself with ice cream first thing in the morning as an incentive... with the hopes that I will get into a routine/habit of waking up earlier. But what's probably most effective is: sleeping earlier.

I'm there with you! Hope you find something that works.. and when you do, please share!

[withanH]

Yes! all of that. nothing ever sticks long term. recently had a thought that if i was up at the same time every single day my life would be immensely easier by at least cutting my lateness by half (optomistic?)

but the thought of getting up on days I don't need to be makes me want to cry.

So i'm gonna keep being late until the thought of it doesnt' make me wanna cry anymore hahaha

Heard someone say that out brains don't register we are "late for a 9 am meeting until it is ACTUALLY 9:01" it is SO TRUE!! and because it is 'technically' true and our 'anything can happen' impulses kick into overdrive since we're rushing around and grabbing/doing all the things.... you know how this ends.

sorry. it sucks. celebrate the little wins until you achieve your goal. buy a cupcake or something every time your on time. (for real on time, no 'sitting down as the clock hits 9a'

😆) Then maybe over time the timnes you are on time will be higher than not on time and you can celebrate THAT too! We're not perfect. Give yourself some Grace 🤜💥🤛 (that's supposed to be a fistbump--did that come across or does it really mean something else already? lol)