Hi all, I'm new here. I'm interested to hear about what experiences you've had with burnout/ exhaustion. What does it feel like and how do others describe your mood or look? I've recently changed from part-time to full time employment and after two months I'm exhausted.
I don't know if this is due to ADHD. I'm now 49 and I've only ever self-diagnosed. I was the stereotypical ADHD kid at school.
This, whatever it is, is something I need to address following a recent car accident, caused by what must be exhaustion and best describe as 'passing out' at the wheel.
Looking forward to your feedback.
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daverussell
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The car accident alone might have a major affect on you. If you experienced trauma or injury, or even if you experienced shock, it might have an effect similar to burnout, I think.
To answer your question about burnout:
I have experienced burnout in different areas of life.
• The first and most directly related to my ADHD was educational burnout. It was long before my ADHD diagnosis, so I didn't understand why I was struggling so much and getting burned out. I very much wanted to do well in school, but just couldn't buckle down to do the work and to study.
• Experienced workplace burnout after a few dismal years at work. It left me with anxiety that wouldn't let up even when I got a better job, better boss, and better pay rate. So, I went to counseling, and that was when I got my ADHD diagnosis. (My then undiagnosed ADHD was a factor in the burnout, but the primary factors had to do with people I was working under and the extremely difficult situations they put me through.)
• After getting my ADHD diagnosis, I thought life was finally taking an upswing, until I found out my wife was cheating on me and wanted a divorce. That led to relationship trauma, which caused the feelings of burnout to resurface as bad as they had just been.
For me, at least, the feeling of burnout is emotional, physical, and cognitive. It makes me feel exhausted, strained as if I've been pushing my body and mind to the limit for too long (kind of like someone gave me what I know as an "indian burn" all over...body and mind). My muscles are tense and achy, as if I've been working out to much. My mind feels as though I've gotten very little sleep (which is often the case when I'm that stressed) and I've been taking final exams back to back for weeks. Emotionally, it makes me feel like I've been stretched as thin as a human hair and could break at any moment.
... Indeed, there have been a few times in my life that I felt completely broken. The only two things that have sustained me in the worst times are my core faith and my love for my kids.
~~~~~
Career changes can cause burnout, but any major changes (even ones that are predominantly positive) can potentially cause some degree of overwhelm, in my experience.
It helps to have a support system of people who care about you and are accepting of you, even when you're falling apart. It can also help a great deal to get counseling with a therapist who you respond well to, and possibly even get medication prescribed to you that might help. (I, myself, have needed to be on an SSRI for a few months at a couple of difficult spans of time. My non-stimulant ADHD medication also seems to help me manage my emotional state far better than before I was diagnosed with ADHD.)
Wow! A great response thank you. I'm consciously aware the trauma of the accident (sat in the car reaches of my mind) are going to resurface in some form or other.The new job has been fantastic and I've created the situation myself by wanting to do well in a role, that Im returning to after a career change.
Thankfully, I've been recovering. Even though I've gone through some of the worst circumstances in my life over 5 of the last 7 years, the last 2 years have brought a lot of healing and growth.
At one point, I think that I was developing CPTSD (Complex PTSD), but then getting the right help just in time helped me to stop spiraling down.
In fact, I feel like I have experienced posttraumatic growth (PTG), at least in the form of resilience and self-acceptance.
My life still isn't all that great, but it's slowly getting better.
I've gotten a lot of encouragement and learned helpful things here and elsewhere, so I try to encourage others and pass along as much helpful information as I can.
I believe I am totally frazzled , mentally , and physically .
My body burns and aches . All day every day .
My mood is dark and doom. From the moment I wake up . I fear the day . Until I get into the routine of ground hog and eat and go for a walk .
I have constant anxiety. -a very thick head , and awful health anxiety due to many episodes of accidents and more from birth .
I’ve always pushed on, it’s that inner engine just driving me , but right now , for the last 3 years ,things are out of sorts in a big way . I don’t know which way to turn , what I should be doing , or going , and I have constant fear of the end .
Things that have made this worse :
Going from a person at work every day with friends in a job that was quite prescriptive ( finance call centre ) to then being married and having 4 kids - things started to shake a bit , and I was then bullied out of a 10 year role .
Not long after , watching my dad die , and then caring for mum
Then losing my my mum in 2021, followed by diagnosis ASD and adhd and not really having property treatment or support . Juts had stimulants thrown at me for a while that made my anxiety to much .
Then a massive fallout with my last two family members , my brothers , and we will never talk . They were awful to me as I tried to deal with parents probate.
Add going bankrupt in their , having 1 kid who is ASD and without a doubt my wife and theee other kids are neuro diverse , and the swapping and changing of anti depressants , it’s all royally done me . But I keep pushing .
My mind tells me I’m old , that I won’t ever get another job , that I look stupid infront of wife and kids . I get so anxious when around them it’s so sad , yet when they leave for school or uni , I feel scared or sad to be alone , like I’m rejected .
Self pity ? Full of it .
I’m claiming pip , and feel so so crap for it . It’s not who I want to be . I want to be successful , out at work like all of society ( so my brain tells me ) if not I’m just useless .
I think I too am burnt out , but how does one recover when the kids need you , the wife needs you , and you want to look strong , you don’t want to look weak ? The last person k saw need help was my parents , and that was that , so I’m scared of that .
I started a new course yesterday to become an energy advisor , who goes round assessing houses etc . Never worked in this trade , but trying to re invent me ? But even on the initial 3 day course online , my head was spinning , telling me no you can’t do this it’s too much info , and it sure as hell felt like it . But I keep pushing .
I think I’ve been burned out 3 times in past . And then ? I went to my parents or ended up in hospital as it flared my Crohn’s disease up .
This time, I have no one to go to , to seek solice .
So, you have to catch yourself if you can ! Know the signs , no when to stop or slow , if that’s even possible .
I kinda hijacked this post sorry , but I think this is coming from someone who is burned out , and his mind won’t stop .
@Colls47 wow! I don't think you've hijacked this post at all. You've answered my question and more.If by 'hijacking' this post you've shown myself and others that anything is possible and by fighting whatever this is, we can survive.
To quote my last conversation with my deputy head at school (30+ years ago). I was a "waste of space". I've just switched careers from education back to industry as a software developer (self taught), having achieved a first-class degree in my 30s, just to become a teacher. Education still has a long way to go - not necessarily in a better place than it was. My last teaching role (three month ago) was at a college and I witnessed several intakes of otherwise bright and intelligent students not being taught anything other than how to pass an exam.
The problem with schools is that there are too many people who have never left school. As for the students they need to learn from the experiences and strengths of those who have really lived and survived. Not just read and cited a few books
You sound like life's true teacher. Thank you, I appreciate your input.
Never work 'hard'. You'll burn out. Instead, try this: 'work to the best of your own ability'. You'll swim through anything with ease because you're strong, and you'll be able to do more, because it's 'ability' driven, not 'sprinting all day to get it done'. Walk, dont run. All the best
I'm saving that one. Unfortunately some of us only learn the hard way. My wife is a Special Educational Needs leader. So, with your permission, may I forward this to her.
I relate to STEM_Dad 's post above. It's really interesting to hear it from a male perspective because I often wonder if the fatigue I experience is due to ADHD on top of perimenopause hormonal changes.
In all honesty I am still grieving the days when although I can see now that I was experiencing symptoms of ADHD, it had not yet reached the stage where it was impacting my energy levels. I had boundless energy and was always so motivated to do everything and anything.
It was impacting me in ways like making silly mistakes in my job, that no one else seemed to experience, taking a longer time than most to learn new things and people just generally observing my challenges and treating me like an idiot instead of being able to see they just did things differently. I intuitively understood this at the time, but it impacted my self-esteem because of how hard I found it to gain the 'street cred' that my peers at school took for granted and in later in life that my colleagues seemed to gain effortlessly.
I took myself to uni at 35 years old and was still undiagnosed. I also gave up smoking and drinking at the same time, which resulted in me hyperfocussing on study, which was further compounded by my learning difficulties and the education system not providing room for the help I needed. Ironically, I was studying occupational therapy.
I worked on top of full-time study, so over 5 years of intensive study, financial difficulty and overwhelm, I burnt out when I finished my degree.
I now live with chronic pain/musculoskeletal issues, which research seems to demonstrate has a higher incidence in ADHD diagnosis (please do your own research to understand this more, I don't have time to reference haha, but if you aren't already aware, Google Scholar is a great resource).
My theory is that had I been able to better manage my needs with an early diagnosis and education to understand the condition, I wouldn't have pushed myself so hard and created long term damage to my body's physiological ability to manage energy efficiently. I also speculate that the social isoloation, social challenges and resulting chronic high-functioning depression and anxiety that comes with all that that encompassed depleted my dopamine levels/ability to produce dopamine, which would explain why now I am able to experience life as I used to pre burn-out, when I take my medication.
I would love to stop taking my medication, but personally feel I would need to live in another world to take the time and gain access to the financial support that I would need to take on the challenge and hopefully restore my ability to maintain functional energy levels.
I resolve to take solace in the access I have to medication and the drastic improvements it has made in my quality of life. I am no longer feeling the heaviness of depression or anxiety, and am functioning at a much more productive level. It's been a game changer.
It's been a long and hard road, career changes and challenges since burn-out, but the diagnosis has empowered me to take action to implement the changes that I need in life and although I'm not confident I'm out the otherside, I have increased hope that things will continue to get better as they already have.
Of course this is my personal experience and I'm not advocating that everyone should try medication, it's a very personal choice and each individual needs professional consultation before making that decision.
Welcome to the forum SoftCactus , and thanks for joining the conversation!
My last attempt at college (5th school, 5th major) was when I was 36-40 years old. (I still haven't finished a bachelor's degree.)
I stumbled into my current career field at the end of that, which helped me recover somewhat from the academic burnout.
After several years of career success (though not financial success), that's when I went through the period of career burnout. But that was what led to my ADHD diagnosis.
I know as a male I will never experience and never fully understand perimenopause or menopause, I'm certain that my ex was going through perimenopause in our last few years of marriage. (It's hard to be completely certain, since she'd had a uterine hysterectomy a few years before.)
From the struggles I've seen her go through, you have my compassion for what you've been going through.
As for medication, decades of ADHD research has yielded that the vast majority of people with ADHD can be helped by one or more kinds of medication. It has made a world of difference for me. If it hadn't been for therapy, medication, and at least some social support, I am afraid that I would have become a recluse when my marriage ended. But since I have the benefit of medication and other support, I've been able to do as much as I have to still be an active parent to my kids. For that, I'm most grateful, because they mean the world to me.
It's certainly an often rocky road living with ADHD!
Thanks for your thoughts and compassion on peri-menopause. I probably didn't explain myself very well. I'm not actually sure I was or am going through peri-menopause, what I found interesting was that the OP's experience sounded exactly like mine, so it somewhat rules out the perimenopause link. Of course, it's so much more complex than narrowing it down to be that black and white, so I was just speculating based on that one experience described. It sounds like it was a difficult time for you and I'm sure your wife had her struggles too.
That's so great medication helped you too. Gaining our quality of life back is the ultimate goal!
Hi daverussell , I was diagnosed last year at age of 43 with inattentive ADHD . For as long as I remember I struggled with social anxiety, poor memory just to name a couple of my symptoms and like I just didn’t feel like I fitted in and as I grew older I used alcohol to make me feel Normal and I suppose mask my true self . I lost a lot of friends on the way as I would make excuses not to meet up for a girls lunch or weekend away . I. would however go to my neighbours and drink till I was sick or fall asleep that went on for many years . I have haven’t really drank in about a year since I got diagnosed as it all makes more sense now and when I do drink I’m so greedy ans feel rotten . So I’m going off key here now ! Going back to burnout , I was so mentally and physically exhausted a few weeks back my body ached all over I couldn’t stop crying , leave the house or get dressed and I was out of breath going up the stairs my body was telling me to rest so I rang in sick to work and stayed in bed for couple of days . I work part time as a cleaner and it’s so draining and hard work as I don’t sleep well maybe 4 /5 hrs a night if lucky and it’s broken sleep I never feel rested and my body aches all over .I’m now waiting to hopefully start medication soon and I’m going private as can’t wait for the NHS my consultation is next week . Good luck 🤞and we’ll done for opening up . Lots of good advice on here and nice genuine folk .
Thank you for sharing - after all this is an open forum. I've not felt 'exhausted' or tired; quite the opposite. I've overworked myself but maybe lost myself in the moment of a new job and career change.I've booked a private therapy session next week hoping for some guidance.
Wishing you all the best. I'm so pleased to have joined. A diagnosis would be good, but my priority is to find a way to prevent this happening again. I'm lucky that no one else was involved in the accident... and lucky to be alive.
All the best. I stopped drinking a few years ago (though I have one or two now and then when I'm out). Best thing I did.
"I've only ever self-diagnosed" screamed at me! It's great to know you have it by diagnosing yourself, but without a proper diagnosis, you can't start medication that can change your life. I know there is more to ADHD than medication, but I honestly turned into another person, in a good way, that was barely recognizable by going on Strattera with some Ritalin boosts.
Burnout is hard. Give yourself a hand up and get an official diagnosis.
Your situation reminds me of my own. I too had been tired to the point of falling asleep at the wheel but thankfully only once and had really started paying attention to how I feel before driving. Then a year ago multiple symptoms including those of extreme fatigue led me to an adhd diagnosis. And yes extreme fatigue is very common. I would suggest talking to your doctor about medication. For me that was game changing. I still have days of complete exhaustion but most of the time I am able to manage. I am in a high pressure role at work but with direct and transparent communication with my manager am able to have the flexibility I need. All the support and luck to you!
daverussell, I'm of the opinion that nearly everyone who has ADHD will benefit from an official diagnosis and subsequent medication., so please do yourself a great favor and seek appropriate medical advice. As to being exhausted, you might want to first ask yourself if you get enough sleep and have healthy sleep habits. It is well documented that individuals with ADHD can suffer from very poor and disrupted sleep. Another condition that would greatly benefit from good medical advice and help.
Please try these approaches to handling exhaustion as soon as possible. Good luck.
PS: Don't try to treat your exhaustion by only taking and maybe overuse of ADHD meds
I've just spent the past month and a half recovering from ADHD burnout after God knows how long I was going for. I've realized that any time I work full-time - in teaching, nonprofit work, customer service, office/admin, basically "giving" /caretaking professions - always lead me to feeling anxious and exhausted. It didn't help that they were in person environments that often were loud and overstimulating.
I've taken a step back and realized that I can no longer do these types of jobs, or work FOR other people, where they set my hours, environment, conditions, etc. I am now on the path to be an entrepreneur and creative, following my own ideas and interests where I will actually LIKE doing the work I'm doing.
I think that we as adhders are so used to struggling and trying to fit the mold and conditions of others... that it leads us to a breaking point where we just can't do it anymore. We must advocate for ourselves, figure out what our needs are in the workplace to make it easier for us, or start our own more flexible job. ADHD is a disability protected by certain states, so workplaces are required to provide accommodations. You can work with a therapist to figure out what those accommodations could be. Good luck with everything !
Thank you. I've tried to set up my own idea for a business along side my part time role. It's a planning tool for teaching using AI. Ironically I overcommitted to this. Since I started my new job a few months ago I've shelved it.I hear everything you are saying. I can categorically say that either working for myself or others I end up putting the pressure on myself; either thinking I'm underperforming and/or getting too wrapped up in doing a good job that's never enough for me. As it happens I've considered this week picking up my project and maybe developing it more slowly (I'm not sure that's possible).
Good luck with everything too. Don't let my negativity out you off
For me the ADHD burnout slowly creeps up. I always have really high expectations for myself and what I can achieve, take on too much in all areas thinking I can do it (work, personal commitments etc) and the all of a sudden I'm not sleeping because I am so stressed about everything. Then the not sleeping turns to fatigue and eventually full blown burnout where I fee like completely giving up.
This cycle would just go on and on if it weren't for medication and the help of a psych. If you are thinking you have ADHD, it is definitely worth getting checked out. It can be expensive, but you truly can't a price on health + increased quality of life.
I'm sorry to hear about your accident - I hope you're okay. Take it as a sign to get this sorted out.
Thank you for the reply. I've had a screening from a counselor, which show a spectrum disorder. I've booked an initial assessment for ADHD with a specialist. However I have a complicated history that I understand could make a diagnosis very difficult.
I'm absolutely fine from my accident physically and I'm glad I've just pushed on - with new boundaries. My boss (and other directors) has been fully-supportive. I've explained to my boss that ADHD is a possible factor, but I'm not stranger to pushing myself too far and they've (as always) agreed to flexible working hours so I can adjust the balance.
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