Need Some Help

[ADHDMom2013]

My son is 9 years old. Me and his father are divorced and his father got remarried to a woman who had two kids from her previous relationship and now they have a baby together. I have been non stop trying to get him help. I have him in therapy, in speech therapy (since he has learning disabilities), I also have him in a special school for it. Lately he has been very angry, exploding actually. He won’t talk to me, I don’t know what to do. My boyfriend also has ADHD and he has trouble dealing with him. I already told him he’s my main focus so if you don’t like it, bye 👋. I’m running on empty, always tired. Is it just me or is this how ADHD works?

[Momtrying]

is your son on medication? Finding the right one can be quite the process but once you do it can help a lot. 9-10 years old brings a lot of change in a child from what I e experienced, it’s a tough time because kids seem to be trying to figure out who they are as a big kid.

It’s so hard when they explode, and my instinct is to always try to talk to them and have them see that they can’t act like that. BUT the best thing that I’ve found with my son is to not engage with him when he’s melting down. I have to walk away and he will eventually calm himself down but if I try to keep talking to him or explaining my side if things it just gets him more worked up. It’s really hard and I still don’t do it right a lot but I know when I leave him alone during those outbursts it usually ends better. And medication helps a ton.

I’m sorry you’re having a hard time, I hope you can find some ways to help him calm down better!

[ADHDMom2013 in reply to Momtrying]

Hes on two types of medication. I should take note at what time he’s having meltdowns, why, etc! Thanks for the reply. It’s nice to see I’m not the only one experiencing it!

[Momtrying in reply to ADHDMom2013]

that’s why this forum is so helpful for me, because I know that I am not the only one going through it. And I know that I am not just a bad parent. It really looks like you are doing all that you can to help your son. I agree, taking note of what time the offers come or what brings it on is probably a really good idea. If he’s on two different meds then he may already be doing an afternoon dose, but I know that helped us a lot from keeping the afternoon meltdowns from happening. We have also had to up my son’s dose every year as he grows so that might be some thing else to think about if you haven’t already. Good luck!

[ADHDMom2013 in reply to Momtrying]

I have him on an extended release of Focalin and I’ve just started doing guanfacine in the morning as well. I do have an immediate release of his Focalin for the afternoon but I feel like such a bad mom giving it to him so I don’t go out of my mind.

[Momtrying in reply to ADHDMom2013]

you are not a bad mom! If my Son wasn’t on his morning and afternoon medication I would go absolutely nuts. We are actually hoping their brains by giving them the medication, and we would be doing them a disservice if we didn’t try and help their brains as much as we could. You are doing all the right things

[ADHDMom2013 in reply to Momtrying]

thank you!

[HoldingonLou]

I agree with ADHD Mom. Don't engage when they are in meltdown. They can hold their favorite pillow or whatever but I would ignore them.

Does your child see a counselor to talk about his feelings? At his age, he's going through so much. I know with my child, we had him in counseling and the counselor helped him to identify and gage his emotions he didn't understand. Feeling something you don't understand is so frustrating? Maybe this would help to know if any of the meds need tweaking too. Prayers for you Moma. It's tuff.

[ADHDMom2013 in reply to HoldingonLou]

He is in counseling and he doesn’t like to talk about his feelings. 😩 I also have an emotion chart so he can tell me how he feels, as well as a coping box.

Thank you for the reply!